Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2
'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern
© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com
Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?
Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."
Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.
What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?
- Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs
- Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them
- Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them
- Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so
- Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men
What are husbands' most important needs?
- He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting
- He wants to feel she needs and admires him
- He wants to know she desires him
- Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection
What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?
They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.
Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.
All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?
Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."
What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?
As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.
I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.
Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?
Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.
However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.
Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?
Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.
The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.
Relationships are never weakened by those issues on which there is agreement. The core of relational difficulty comes from disagreement and how it's resolved. Focusing on only the positive aspects of relationships is like buying a new car, and ignoring the payment coupons.
Does she have any reply when you bring the whole matter up to her in a straightforward manner? Major unhappiness with your relationsship is bad for the both of you.
Roger that. After my separation and then divorce, I continued to participate in a special interest forum - and the in-person get-togethers - as my EH. It's gotten easier over the years - we try very hard to maintain an amicable divorce b/c our child, but at first, those get-togethers were uncomfortable for both of us.
I had to resolve not to address ANY personal issues during these events, and to act politely (you know, Dr. Laura's advice), as I would with anybody else.
I think that one mistake women make is thinking that simple equals stupid. My husband is very intelligent, but he really is a basic kinda guy.
You, my dear "get it."
Mojo got me in the calf.
Then we talked about it and he has now decided to put up with me on a probationary basis.
I had to learn that he loves me deeply even though he doesn't bring me flowers. Love is a feeling and he shows it in his own way. Then I had to learn how to recognize and accept his gestures of love for what they were. (He bought me a 16", $80.00 chef's knife for Christmas. How much more love and trust can there be, fer the love of Pete?!) In short, I had to learn how to ALLOW him to please me. The poor guy was trying.
He had to learn that when work was stressful he was to turn TO me, not ON me. I'm on HIS side. He also had to learn that it takes more than a paycheck to make a husband a good husband. The guy would kill himself working for me, but didn't know how to sit by the fire and have a mundane conversation.
Oh, and I had to learn how to stop b*tching so much! ;-)
LMAO!!! You are so right! We just can't believe that anyone is even capable</> of that feat.
In spite of all the carping about not being appreciated, loved, shown affection, helped, as being the cause of lack of female sexual interest, there is one sure fire way to make her initiate: Stop trying. She will notice your lack of interest and it can be quite alarming for her.
Women, in spite of their general disinterest in the act, definitely want to be desired. They are perfectly willing to turn you down a thousand times, but they are also desparately afraid of losing the opportunity to turn you down.
Of course this sort of manipulation is incredibly destructive.
I got the opposite impression of what she was saying. I think she's saying that women too often try to change their men and nag and cut down, when it is better to accept and love him and be loving to him. By being supportive and loving to him, she is saying, you will get love in return. By nagging and harping you'll breed resentment.
Sounds like the ex. LS nailed it!
Yep. Exactly the ex.
I am Catholis also. My wife was an Episcopalean. She became Catholic. I am blessed. I couldn't handle a foaming at the mouth Protestant. Thank God!
You've obviously never met a woman from MY family. (VERY lucky husbands!) :-)
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