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Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

What are husbands' most important needs?

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.





TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bookreview; drlaura; propercare
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To: chris1
Which just proves the point that modern women have no clue about men. Feminsts have succesfuly forced ignorance upon women.

I am personally award of divorce cases which arose out of a lack of sex. So Dr. Laura has a point about that.

This "concept" also tracks what was being talked about witht he promise keepers. Men need to be men. Men need to be fathers not "a parent".

This book is an effort to be a matriacal view of mariage vs the traditional patriarcal view. I don't agree with the notion of covert or open manipulation. Manipulation will always lead to problems. It is a bandaid solution until a proper remedy can be made.

Old joke from a priest:

Woman decides to get a divorce but she wants to make sure her husband is going to suffer with her absense. She she starts to be really nice to him. She cooks his favorite dinners, cleans house, and starts acting really friendly. All the time she is thinking, "he is going to be sorry when I am gone." The proces continues for a month, then two, then three.

After the third month her lawyer calls her to find out what happened to her client. The wife tell the lawyer she changed her mind. A miracle happened and her husband just spontaneously became the man she wanted and was when they got married.
281 posted on 01/06/2004 2:45:08 PM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: Greg Weston
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.


Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."


How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course.
He'll shut up once you let him in.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.


I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.


In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select
few women who can handle the truth

282 posted on 01/06/2004 2:47:43 PM PST by Positive
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To: rintense
It isn't about winning, really. It's about finding someone who shares the same values, morals and ideals.

Relationships are never weakened by those issues on which there is agreement. The core of relational difficulty comes from disagreement and how it's resolved. Focusing on only the positive aspects of relationships is like buying a new car, and ignoring the payment coupons.

283 posted on 01/06/2004 2:51:44 PM PST by Woahhs
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To: dc27
After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.

Does she have any reply when you bring the whole matter up to her in a straightforward manner? Major unhappiness with your relationsship is bad for the both of you.

284 posted on 01/06/2004 2:54:08 PM PST by technochick99
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To: Nita Nupress
I can't think of many things worse than trying to FReep in the same cyber-space occupied by an ex-spouse. Good gosh, what a nightmare.

Roger that. After my separation and then divorce, I continued to participate in a special interest forum - and the in-person get-togethers - as my EH. It's gotten easier over the years - we try very hard to maintain an amicable divorce b/c our child, but at first, those get-togethers were uncomfortable for both of us.

I had to resolve not to address ANY personal issues during these events, and to act politely (you know, Dr. Laura's advice), as I would with anybody else.

285 posted on 01/06/2004 3:04:49 PM PST by bootless (Never Forget)
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To: duckbutt
LOVE your screen name! Your granny was a wise woman. Once I discovered that my husband honestly wasn't keeping any deep thoughts from me (yes, he can actually sit in a car for a 30 minute drive without thinking about anything) our marriage got much better.

I think that one mistake women make is thinking that simple equals stupid. My husband is very intelligent, but he really is a basic kinda guy.

286 posted on 01/06/2004 3:08:15 PM PST by Marie (I smell... COFFEE! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEE!!)
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To: Marie
I think that one mistake women make is thinking that simple equals stupid. My husband is very intelligent, but he really is a basic kinda guy.

You, my dear "get it."

287 posted on 01/06/2004 3:15:46 PM PST by Woahhs
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To: technochick99
It is a serious problem. Men are expected to do without. Women are never expected to find out the reason for the lack of interest.

An open discussion alone is not enough. If he says every day and she says once a month, there is a serious problem that need working on. (it is not always an issue of technique) Some of these issues should have been delt with before marriage with open talking. There is one FL case which found that denial of sexual relations was sexual abuse and could not be used against the soon-to-be-ex-husband for having a mistress.

Part of the problem is that women don't figure out sex and more importantly, making love until it is too late in life.
288 posted on 01/06/2004 3:18:50 PM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: Woahhs
A harley-davidson is a very simple machine, but it is soooo elegant.
289 posted on 01/06/2004 3:20:18 PM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: Eaker; Darksheare
every single one has been bitten at lease once!!!

Mojo got me in the calf.
Then we talked about it and he has now decided to put up with me on a probationary basis.

290 posted on 01/06/2004 3:20:37 PM PST by humblegunner (Got Mental Health Insurance?)
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To: hopespringseternal
Not every marriage is doomed. MOST have a rocky start, though. My husband and I each had to learn some important things before we found bliss.

I had to learn that he loves me deeply even though he doesn't bring me flowers. Love is a feeling and he shows it in his own way. Then I had to learn how to recognize and accept his gestures of love for what they were. (He bought me a 16", $80.00 chef's knife for Christmas. How much more love and trust can there be, fer the love of Pete?!) In short, I had to learn how to ALLOW him to please me. The poor guy was trying.

He had to learn that when work was stressful he was to turn TO me, not ON me. I'm on HIS side. He also had to learn that it takes more than a paycheck to make a husband a good husband. The guy would kill himself working for me, but didn't know how to sit by the fire and have a mundane conversation.

Oh, and I had to learn how to stop b*tching so much! ;-)

291 posted on 01/06/2004 3:21:50 PM PST by Marie (I smell... COFFEE! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEE!!)
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To: Taliesan
Truth is, much of the time we are thinking about nothing.

LMAO!!! You are so right! We just can't believe that anyone is even capable</> of that feat.

292 posted on 01/06/2004 3:26:21 PM PST by Marie (I smell... COFFEE! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEE!!)
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To: dc27
She is still "tired."

In spite of all the carping about not being appreciated, loved, shown affection, helped, as being the cause of lack of female sexual interest, there is one sure fire way to make her initiate: Stop trying. She will notice your lack of interest and it can be quite alarming for her.

Women, in spite of their general disinterest in the act, definitely want to be desired. They are perfectly willing to turn you down a thousand times, but they are also desparately afraid of losing the opportunity to turn you down.

Of course this sort of manipulation is incredibly destructive.

293 posted on 01/06/2004 3:26:27 PM PST by hopespringseternal
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To: rintense
There is something so wrong about that statement. What man wants to be manipulated and controlled? How many women out there get married and think that they can 'change' their husbands? And I wonder how many are successful. Dr. Laura is way off the mark here. Her approach is like that of Neanderthals.

I got the opposite impression of what she was saying. I think she's saying that women too often try to change their men and nag and cut down, when it is better to accept and love him and be loving to him. By being supportive and loving to him, she is saying, you will get love in return. By nagging and harping you'll breed resentment.

294 posted on 01/06/2004 3:28:21 PM PST by cyncooper ("The evil is in plain sight")
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To: hellinahandcart
"...inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy)"

Sounds like the ex. LS nailed it!

295 posted on 01/06/2004 3:32:05 PM PST by sauropod (Excellence in Shameless Self-Promotion)
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To: hellinahandcart
"Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs

Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them

Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them

Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so

Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men."

Yep. Exactly the ex.

296 posted on 01/06/2004 3:34:36 PM PST by sauropod (Excellence in Shameless Self-Promotion)
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To: humblegunner; Eaker
Probationary basis.
Uh oh, Mojo the jailor?
Did anyone get him a set of play keys as a joke yet?
The missus Shepard Lab mix decided I was teh "Play" guy.
So he knocked my leg out from under me in teh snow, rolled over top of me and snorted, and tried to wrestle with me.
*snort*
Nothin like having 75 pounds of dog land on you at a dead run, with exuberance to boot.
297 posted on 01/06/2004 3:39:56 PM PST by Darksheare (System error. File 'tagline' not found.)
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To: Poohbah
I was involved with several women of strong faith. Unfortunately, I am a Catholic, and the women in question were Protestants.

I am Catholis also. My wife was an Episcopalean. She became Catholic. I am blessed. I couldn't handle a foaming at the mouth Protestant. Thank God!

298 posted on 01/06/2004 3:41:00 PM PST by Nov3
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To: redhead
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I, too, am in love with a simple, intelligent, funny, manly man. They seem to be a dying breed. I don't know what I'd do without him.
299 posted on 01/06/2004 3:46:43 PM PST by Marie (I smell... COFFEE! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEE!!)
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To: hopespringseternal
For men, sex is always in a secluded cabin in the mountains with no one around for miles. For women, it is always in the supermarket. Meaning for men, sex is never inconvenient or embarassing, but for women it is never anything else.

You've obviously never met a woman from MY family. (VERY lucky husbands!) :-)

300 posted on 01/06/2004 3:52:36 PM PST by Marie (I smell... COFFEE! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee! COFFEE!!)
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