Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2
'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern
© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com
Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?
Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."
Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.
What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?
- Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs
- Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them
- Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them
- Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so
- Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men
What are husbands' most important needs?
- He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting
- He wants to feel she needs and admires him
- He wants to know she desires him
- Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection
What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?
They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.
Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.
All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?
Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."
What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?
As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.
I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.
Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?
Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.
However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.
Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?
Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.
The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.
A roof over her head-
Chidren-
Clothing
-And she calls men simple?
I've known way too many women who maintain a meticulously indexed and cross-referenceced mental database of every wrong that's ever been done to them, and with a retrieval speed that would shame a Pentium 4. A relationship with them is a continual downward spiral into a situation where you cannot do or say anything without triggering a rememberance of a wrong done to them in the past. Grudges are pure poison to a relationship and a sure-fire way to be alone when you're older.
Lucky wife. My wife gave me ZERO chances to clean up my ac, and get my priorities in order.
And because that is deeply ingrained and wholly symptomatic of who she is, I am also much happier now. :o)
Right.
We have penises.
Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.
My ex-husband's behaviours could be classified as both destructive and dangerous (certainly according to the cop across the street, my divorce attorney and my ex-bf the Chicago homicide detective, 3 men with more experience than I in the darker side of life). I think Dr. Laura needs to stress this point a bit more. Sometimes women really need to be objective as to whether a relationship is fundamentally unsound. If it is, then no sense working to fix up a house that is rotted through and through.
Talk to a woman, and she is always ready willing and able, except that he just wants it at all the worst times.
Talk to her husband, and you will find out she would rather have a root canal than have sex.
Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.
Clearly, some houses are not as rotten as their 'owners' think they are. One year plus of clean time, having grown up 20 years in a years time, and starting a successful new business are indicative that the house was sound after all. Doing well, happy as hell. :o)
And isn't viewing a mate as an 'objec' that is 'owned' part of the problem, anyways?
Yes, one can just sense spring's right around the corner.
The distinct smell of *love's* already in the air.
...can almost feel it.
Why is it that going into marriage everyone in the world is trying to wave you off, warn you, kidnap you to an island, but every man is inevitably surprised when marriage turns out to be exactly what everyone told him it was going to be and she is just as much the witch as everyone said she would be?
It's all good.
It worked out for the best in the long run.
Same goes for women.
Agreed. I don't like her personality at all, but her advice, especially her care and feeding of husbands advice, is absolutely correct.
So many women today are incredibly bratty and self-centered - it's all about them and only them.
I cannot say she was a witch.
I can say we both had deep, fundamental problems.
I know I am working on mine and I hope she is working on hers.
I've learned quite a lot from my experience. Besides the fact it gave me the impetus to finally get off of cocaine, which in itself is an amazing gift and wonderful miracle, it also taught me that I want a woman who is G-d fearing. It also taught me never to move into another womans house or apartment -- we get a place together, or forget it. It also taught me that I need to give more, to be more thoughtful of my mates needs and wants. In fact, I have a list of 10 points that it taught me in my Journal, of which only three are listed.
Tough times make for growth. My last year has been as tough as it can be. I have grown commensurately.
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