You Know You're Italian If...

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[Mannaggia l'America]

A little New Year's humor...

You Know You're Italian If...

1. You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary, and you have at least one brother named Joe
2. You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
3. When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
4. When you were growing up, you thought that all wine was red and that it only came in gallon jugs
5. If someone in your family grows beyond 6’ 2”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
6. There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
7. Your grandfather had a fig tree
8. You've always wanted a red Ferrari
9. When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
10. Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
11. Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima
12. Connie Francis songs makes you cry
13. At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
14. You’ve been hit with a spoon and/or you’ve been hit by a nun
15. You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
16. You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
17. You’re wife or husband wears a tee shirt that says “Pray for me, I married an Italian.”
18. You’ve been to the Vatican at least once
19. For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
20. When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
21. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy"
22. Your mom's meatballs are the best!
23. If at least five of the above apply to you, congratulations!!! You’re Italian!

[annyokie]

And the "Anton-ettes!"

[breakem]

32. Someone insults the singer and you shoot him.

[aristeides]

I got a cold a couple of weeks ago, so I retreated to my store of canned soups. When I ran out of the cans I had stored of Progresso Pasta Fagioli, I started looking in stores for replacements. Nowhere could I find any cans of Pasta Fagioli, Progresso or any other brand. Not in supermarkets, not in any of the Italian delis here in the D.C. area where I looked. Have they stopped making it? Am I going to have to learn how to cook pasta fagioli for myself, or is there anywhere I can go to get it in cans?

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

Oh, that explains why you talk with your hands! Just kidding, actually you are the first Italian that I have met that could hold your hands still and talk.

[Incorrigible]

You Know You're Italian If...

32. Your spouse is Irish

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

We had one Italian in the family around 1250 and another in the early 1800's but more than 5 of these apply to me so I guess I'm Italian!

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

You are scaring me here. You are describing family meals with my Italian family down to the dessert.

My friend that included me in her family, well her wedding was the Italian version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was a good thing the theater was empty when my Mom and I saw that movie. I laughed and lived that wedding.

I bought the DVD and my Mom and I went through scene by scene the parts that were straight out of my friend wedding.

[JoeA]

I think they all get a book: "How to be an Italian Mama on Sunday". In every household that I was ever in on a Sunday was exactly the same. And they were all equally loud, family noise bouncing off the walls. No anger, ever, just lots of life.

[JoeA]

LOL!!!!

[JoeA]

I haven't seen that, but there is actually a pretty decent version in a soup starter bag, made by .... darned if I can remember the name.

[JoeA]

33. Your favorite comedian is Pat Cooper, (Bada-bing!)

[breakem]

My nono and noni ate three meals a day and no snacks in between. The brushed their teeth with baking soda after each meal. When they each died in their 90s they had most of their teeth.

[Badray]

" I don't know how to put it to you delicately, but it seems that you were married not to an Italian but to to a Jewish American Princess!"

LOL

I'm a germanrussianhunkyjew and was married to a wonderful (at least most of the time) Italian woman and I am still treated warmly by her family even now - 7 years after being divorced. BTW, I was accepted as a member of the local Italian-American club by virtue of that marriage (and my two step children) and my knowledge of Italian tradition.

[CatoRenasci]

1. Some Joe's, the only Mary was a WASP grandmother.
2. House was of reasonable size, one kitchen.
3. No cousins within 25 miles.
4. Growing up we knew wine came in all sorts and varieties, made at family-owned wineries, and was bottled best in 4/5 quart bottles sealed with new corks.
5. Half the men in the family are over 6', many have blue eys, some are blond (especially those who served in the Alpini).
6. Small wedding.
7. Grandfather lived in the city, a great uncle had a fig orchard.
8. Three cousins had red Ferraris. Grandfather preferred Packards. Father had a Stutz in college.
9. Sunday dinner varied, often starting at 8pm. Thanksgiving?: Pasta was never a first course. Typically antipasto was first, then clear soup, sometimes hearty soup next, then fish, then fowl, then joint, salad, fruit and cheese with port, then sweet deserts and coffee, then brandy and cigars for the men, more sweets and liquers for the ladies.
11. Preferred Fellini. liked Toscanini as a conductor. various opera singers.
12. Who is Connie Francis?
13. No
14. No.
15. No
16. No
17. No
18. Yes (at last a hit! but we were there for the art...)
19. No.,br> 20. No
21. We don't fight. It's gravy to some, sauce to others.
22. No
23. I guess I can't be Italian.

[jellybean]

Italian ping!!

[carlo3b]

You Know You're Italian If...

Fogetaboutit..

At least one kid in the family had to bring his/her accordian to a holiday dinner and played "Lady of Spain"

You bought at least one Christmas present out of the trunk of a car in an alley.

Someone in you family owed a fortune in "juice", that had nothing to do with fruit.

It wasn't Sunday if you didn't smell the gravy cooking while you were still in bed!

If you used a closeline in the house to dry Pasta before a holiday.

You knew only one kid that had blue eyes, and you had a crush on his sister.

If you had a cousin that had a hairline that almost touched his/her eyebrows.

You had at least 3 women in the family that only wore Black.

If you really miss the smell of sausage at a wedding...Developing.. :)

[carlo3b]

Pasta e Fagioli

This dish is also called "Pasta Fazool"
in many southern Italian dialects.
This is the real thingy, we ate as kids instead of Chicken Noodle soup.

1/2 pound lean ground pork
1 small onion, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
One 14½ ounce can chicken broth
One 14½ ounce can Italian style chopped tomatoes
One 15 ounce can white beans, drained
1 tsp. oregano
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. crushed fennel seed
1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
1/2 cup small pasta (shells or macaroni)

In large heavy saucepan, brown and crumble ground pork.
Stir in onion and garlic; cook and stir until onion is soft, about 3 minutes.
Stir in all remaining ingredients; bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 10-12 minutes, until pasta is tender.    

[Captainpaintball]

Do I even need to inform you about Don Giovanni's Italian House Party (Brought to you by Maggio cheese, of course) on 1210 AM every Saturday evening?

[carlo3b]

Hahahhaah, I was typing when you pinged me.. Where's stanz, and piasa.. LOL

[carlo3b]

You had a girlfriend or cousin that was a dead ringer for Roseanna Roseannadanna .... LOLOLOL