New Years Resolution.. FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE,.. AGAIN!

CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Dec.31, 2002 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author, and FReeper lover

[carlo3b]

New Years Resolution.. FIND TRUE LOVE, AGAIN!

Was your First Love, your True Love?  Can you go back?

Is your first love your lone love?
There must be something very special about our first love, as clumsy as they were, they have inspired enough love stories written about it, to fill libraries. Well, there must be something real about it, because there are growing numbers including scientist, that believe that your first blushing love, is your only true love, and everything that has followed are sadly, only weak and empty sequels.

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
-Anon.

Can you get that old feeling BACK?
Maybe it isn't a new phenomenon, but it is finally getting some real highbrow attention, that many lovers are attempting to re-ignite that old flame. Recent findings from the "Lost Love Project", an on-going study at Cal State Univ., suggest that somewhere around 10 percent of the population fall in love again with someone from their past. If this is true, what is it that makes lost love so darn memorable?  Why is it that some people are still carrying a torch that still has a flame after so many years?

"All thoughts, all passions, all delights Whatever stirs this mortal frame All are but ministers of Love and feed His sacred flame."
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Noted Sociologist Dr. Constance Ahrons, author of “The Good Divorce”, firmly believes that people “continue to yearn for someone in the past when the relationship didn’t end the way they wanted it to.” That may be OK for the good doctor, but I believe that Love in youth is sometime discouraged by circumstances and pressures. Too often our youthful romances, as passionate as they were, were abandoned prematurely without an acceptable closure. Trying to return only reinforces our belief that we could have made it work. But can we?

Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychologist and director of the Lost Love Project, agrees.  “Lost love is a highly emotional and powerful thing,” she says.  Long after a relationship ends, some people still grieve for what happened or what might have been.  Some study participants actually describe “physically aching” to be with their lost lover again.  Reconnecting with an old flame is a deliberate, assertive way of dealing with that grief and regret.

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

“Few people reconnect at reunions or by chance,” says Dr. Kalish, who has become a recognized expert on rekindled loves.  “These people call or write, - usually when they're feeling good about themselves.”  While some lost lovers reconnect out of curiosity, others search to right old wrongs, or to make sense of a past relationship.  Most people, however, search in hopes of re-igniting that true-love passion of that long ago romance.

Youthful Love, like everything in those highly emotional, hormone driven years, had a reckless abandon to it. We hadn't had years of accumulated suspicion, or learned defensiveness to cloud unabashed passions. We let it all hang out! But with all of that exuberance came risk, and with risk came proper parental caution. That careful balance between lead and learn, too often than balance tipped in both directions, with painful results. Those that ended romances, sometime left unfinished business, and open wounds with broken hearts. For many, we are now discovering, proving really what we have always believed, it was the right person, but sadly, at the wrong time.

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence."
-Albert Ellis

“Parents tend to dismiss young love, but they need to realize how important first loves can be.  A teenage romance should never be belittled as just puppy love,” says Kalish.  “Many of the rekindlers expressed anger at their parents for separating them from the young sweethearts they loved.”

Young love can be strong and enduring.  Over 84 percent of the rekindled lovers were younger than 22 when they began their initial relationships.  Of these, two-thirds said it was their very first romance.

"Footfalls echo in the memory Down the passage which we did not take Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. My words echo Thus, in your mind."
-T. S. Eliot, "Four Quartets"

Not surprisingly, many rekindled romances that bring those lovers back together, have extremely high success rates.  The Lost Love Project (LLP) studied over 1000 couples who had reunited after more than five years apart, and found that 72 percent turned into long-term relationships. Two-thirds resulted in marriage or engagement.

“Returning to a past love is like returning to a former part of ourselves,” says Kalish, who has recorded the project findings in her book “Lost and Found Lovers”.  “Often people who share a lost love share a common history, and this gives them a strong foundation together.”

Think about it, our First Love after all, is usually with someone close, a playmate, neighbor, classmate, or sibling of a friend. These relationships create Lovers that share customs, traditions, and memories.

Memories that are shared, are never boring - when retold, or relived.
-Carlo3b,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad

For many, that bond formed so long ago must have been everything we thought it was, because surprisingly, the LLP study found that the divorce rate among reunited couples was a measly 1.5 percent, suggesting that the best place to look for Mr. Right may be in your yearbook, or dusty scrapbook.

  "The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
-J. Krishnamurti

But while rekindling a past love can be wonderful, as it appears it often is, however, accept this cautious note, it is not without risk.  Too often, it is a married person who first fantasize, then tempts fate when seeking then seeing an old flame, even when it seems harmless.  “You just don’t realize the hold that old love may still have over you,” Kalish says.  “Almost one-third of the reunited couples in the project were adulterous relationships.  Most of these people had been faithful spouses before they looked up their lost love.  I've seen marriages completely blown out of the water by innocently reconnecting with an old flame,” warns Kalish.

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."
-James Baldwin

Kalish, interviewed a young woman that we shall call Katy Martin, who asked that her real name not be used, because she knows all too well the dangers of meeting up with a past love.  When her old boyfriend called out of the blue one day to tell her that a mutual friend had died, Martin, 32, innocently agreed to meet him for coffee after the funeral.  Though happily married mother of 2 children, Martin was shocked when sparks began flying between the two of them. The resulting affair destroyed her marriage and her family.

Even if you're not married, looking up a past love can still have its downfalls.  “The memories you hold dear may be destroyed when you're confronted with the present reality,” Ahrons says.  “Don’t forget that ten or fifteen years may have passed since you were with that lost lover. You're not the same, and neither is the other person.”   “We tend to see the past through rose-colored glasses,” Ahrons adds.  Suddenly that boyfriend who was uncommunicative is remembered as quiet and shy.

 "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
-H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I have to remind you that sometimes the heart is wrong, because memories can be very selective, and often faulty. That hot-tempered and jealous high school girl has developed in your fantasized recollection, to have become an attractively passionate and intense angel. If you forget why the relationship may have ended in the first place, you may be setting yourself up for a repeat of the last breakup. For all of those fond memories, in reality may return like a bad habit. However, it is entirely possible that it may not be a mistake.

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."
-Stendhal

All of that aside, everyone wants and needs love, and maybe over time we have set up too many conditions that prevent anyone from entering our heart, or our lives. The comfort of an old friend re entering our life may be just what the doctor ordered. Those defenses may fall like leaves when old passions return and we find the love of our life was indeed, our first true love.. our one and only flame.. is still burning in our heart.. my hope and love are always with you.. never forget, all FReepers are lovers.

If all else fails, for better or worse, you will always have me.. I LOVE YOU . . :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

[IGOTMINE]

OK...so SHE hasn't signed up. How about her friends? Friends of her friends?

[carlo3b]

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, hunt them down and kick their butt."

No, no, no, I think you'll get a lot further if you think like this.. Rolling eyes.. :)

"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."
-Rob Cella

[carlo3b]

Thanks for helping find love.. you get a special prize..

LOWCARB Garlic Chicken PIZZA

• 4 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 2 cloves garlic, mashed
• 1 cup boned and skinned chicken breast halves, cooked and diced
• 1/2 red onion, cut in rings
• 1/2 tomato, diced
• 1 tsp. oregano
• 1/2 cup mushrooms, sliced
• season with salt and pepper
• 1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded
• parmesan cheese
• 1 recipe Meat Crust (see below)

1) Mix together cream cheese, sour cream and mashed garlic until smooth.
2) Spread on pizza crust, top with oregano, chicken, onion, tomato and mushrooms, salt and pepper and cheese.
Bake in a 350 oven for 15 minutes until cheese is melted.
Top with parmesan cheese.
 

Meat Crust

• 1/2 lb ground beef
• 1/2 lb sausage (hot or italian)
• Garlic powder to taste
• Onion powder to taste
• (You can use Italian seasoning or any other seasonings you wish)
• 1 large egg
• 1/4 cup soy protein powder (to help hold it together)

1) Mix all together and press out thin in a greased metal pan (I use a 9X13 cake pan)
Bake at 350 for approx.. 25-30 minutes (till done), pouring off the excess grease that accumulates as it cooks. Then take out and spread a thin layer of tomato sauce (watch the labels for carbs here) and whatever toppings you like and put back in for another 10 - 15 minutes.
The thing about this crust is that it tastes just as good warmed up the next day as it did when made the first day. Enjoy.

[Lady Jag]

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons."

[carlo3b]

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
-Judy Garland

[kimmie7]

While walking in an antique mall with my darling husband (true love) one day, I ran into 'Steve' (first love). Turns out he and his lovely wife, 'Lynn', live within 2 miles of us. After a couple years of dinners at each others' houses, shopping trips with 'Lynn' and the guys getting to be good friends we found out we were going to have a baby. We told 'Lynn and Steve' about it Thanksgiving week after a particularly nice dinner. They looked so surprised. They had been planning to tell us the same news. Lynn and I were preggers at the same time, our babies due within a month of each other. Due to toxemia, I had my son first (3 months early). One month and one week later, they had their son.

The boys are now the very best of friends -- as are their parents. Funny how life works. (And no, there's no funny-business going on...lol)

[carlo3b]

"There is only one terminal dignity -- love."

-Helen Hayes

... :)

[Lady Jag]

Those quotes are wonderful, Carlo. Here's an old one but one I still believe should be striven for:

LIVING

You gotta dance like nobody's watching,
dream like you will live forever,
live like your going to die tomorrow
and love like it's never going to hurt.

     - Meme Grifsters

[carlo3b]

LowCarb Chinese Hot Peanut Wings

• 12 wings or 24 "drummettes" (half chicken wings)
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 3 Tbs. sugarless sweetener, such as Splenda
• 3 Tbs. natural peanut butter
• 2 Tbs. dry sherry
• 1 Tbs. peanut oil (another bland oil will do.)
• 1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar
• 2 tsp. Chinese Five Spice Powder (available in the Chinese food section of big grocery stores)
• 1/4 tap. red pepper flakes, (more or less if you want)
• 1 clove garlic, smashed


Preheat oven to 325
1) Put everything but the wings in a blender or food processor, and blend well.
(If you have whole chicken wings, and want to, you can cut them into "drummettes" -- if you do this, remember that those pointy tips you're cutting off make the best chicken broth in the world!)
2) Arrange the wings in a large baking pan, and pour the sauce over them, then turn them over to coat them on all sides.
3) Let them sit for at least a half an hour; an hour won't hurt.
4) Bake wings for an hour, turning twice (at 20 and 40 minutes) during baking.
5) When they're done, put the wings on a serving platter, then scrape the sauce from the pan back into the blender or food processor, and blend again for just a moment to make it smooth, and serve with the wings.

Approx. 15 g. of usable carb in the entire recipe.

[carlo3b]

Happy New Year.. :)

LowCarb Italian Sponge Cake

• 5 eggs, separated
• 1 Tbls. plus 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 Tbls. Soya powder or soy flour*
• 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
• 5 Tbls. Splenda
• 1 tsp. grated lemon peel, (zest)
• 4 Tbls. heavy cream

Preheat oven to 325°F.
1) Place egg yolks and Splenda in a bowl. Beat with electric mixer until well blended.
2) Add vanilla extract and lemon peel. Continue to beat and add soy flour one tablespoon at a time.
3) Stir in heavy cream. Beat egg whites in fresh bowl with cream of tartar until stiff but not dry.
4) Fold yolk mixture into egg whites. Be careful not to break down egg whites - so fold carefully and slowly.
Turn into greased 9" cake pan and bake at 325°F for 30 minutes or until cake tests done.
* Soya Powder is much finer than soy flour, so a lighter cake will result.

Makes 9 servings.
6 grams of carbohydrate per serving.
 

[labowski]

Yeah, I'm working on the friends angle as well. It's been about sixteen years and we went to different High Schools so last names of friends are a bit hazy.
I may have to pay to sign up for Classmates so I can post and see if anyone knows what she's up to or where she lives now.

[kimmie7]

The true love is now snoring peacefully on the couch after a rather largish lunch of home-made chicken and dumplins, lol. He's been on vacation since 12/19. True love or not, it will be only bittersweet for him to go back to work 1/6.

The other part of my heart fell asleep in 5 minutes after protesting, "But I'm not sleepy at alllll...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

[carlo3b]

My dear Kimmie, your story is so beautiful, and proves that old adage, you just never know what's going to happen in life, but one thing is clear.. good things, usually happen to good people.. Happy New Year.. :)

[carlo3b]

Here's dinner Saturday..

LowCarb Twice Cooked Pork Chops with a Lemon Chive Cream Sauce

• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground white pepper
• 1 shallots, crushed
• 3 pounds pork chops (4 large chops)

Cream Sauce

• 1 cup whipping cream
• 1/4 teaspoon lemon extract
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground white pepper
• 1/4 cup minced fresh chives

1) Using a shallow pan, stir together oil, salt, pepper, and shallots. Place pork chops in pan, coat with marinade on both sides, and let rest for 15 to 30 minutes.

Cream Sauce:
2) In a small saucepan over medium heat, place cream and lemon extract. Simmer until reduced by about one third; keep warm over low heat. Just before serving, season with salt and pepper, then stir chives into warm cream sauce.
3) Prepare a charcoal fire or preheat broiler. Place pork chops on grill or under broiler, about 4 inches from heat, and cook until browned on one side (about 4 minutes). Turn and cook second side until lightly browned and slightly firm.
Serve immediately, with sauce.
Yields 4 servings.

[jellybean]

There is only one terminal dignity -- love."

I'm not sure I understand your quote. My interpretation is: "Love kills!" I believe it's true.

[Ditter]

Congratulate me. Over Christmas I *lost* a pound.

[reformed_democrat]

Was my first "true love" at the age of 6? Was it the first one after puberty? Or after I became an adult?

I was just wondering that, myself. I'm guessing my first love is my husband (the unreformed_republican), because I can't imagine life without him.

Oh well. If he's not the first, he's certainly the last.

[carlo3b]

STANDING OVATION!!!!!! You get an Attagirl.. :)

[Gabz]

If I had any ground beef or turkey in the freezer I would have made it tonight, it sounds that yummy and I'm in a soup mood. I'm making onion soup instead.

When I replied to her question of what I was cooking, my 5yo reacted "OH GROSS!" Until she was told about the bread and cheese with it. Now she's bouncing around the house chanting "onion soup is yummy." Of course letting her add the wine and worcestershire sauce and do some stirring always helps, she thinks she made dinner!!!

[kimmie7]

Yummmmmm...I'll make that right after whiskey marinaded pork loin!

Happy New Year to you as well, my dear.
XOXO