For More People in 20's and 30's, Home Is Where the Parents Are

The New York Times ^ | December 22, 2003 | TAMAR LEWIN

[Tax-chick]

Other families looking for income at home have said that's pretty much a swindle, although I suppose there are exceptions.

Spring isn't too far off here in the South - there will be landscaping work, especially with all the new construction.

[Gritty]

There are a number of reasons for the widespread trend. Here are a few;

1. Many young people graduate from college with useless degrees and can't support themselves on the minimum wage jobs for which they only qualify. Rather than live within their limited means, they prefer to live on what their parents have taken years to build. They think that is the norm and they deserve it as they have "education". Well, "education" today isn't what education was 35 years ago, much less 75 years ago!

2. A lot of kids want "it" now; travel, fun, finding themselves, hanging out, whatever. In other words, they want "retirement" benefits starting at age 25, not 65 as was customary.

3. It is difficult to support oneself and a family nowadays on a "normal" job. Because "everybody" works, it often takes two incomes to comfortably support two people. Thirty-five years ago, many more jobs were capable of supporting a family. Not today.

4. Young people are now pampered by society from babyhood. That has not been the case until fairly recently.

I was working my first job when I was 12. I rode my bike to work, without a safety helmet. I used my money wisely, saving much of it for college. I also owned my own .22, which I used responsibly when and as I wished. Today, kids at 12 still wear their mandated bicycle helmets which they have worn since their training-wheel days, are given allowances they can spend freely at the mall on the latest expensisve fashions, and have been inculcated with fears of everything not approved by the nanny-staters.

No wonder they want to stay home with Mommy and Daddy. It's a safe place and they don't have to accept responsiblity for themselves. They can continue to live like the teenagers they never were encouraged to outgrow.

[chris1]

The true story here is that things across this nation are very very different. In NYC and the surrounding area, one can not even think about moving into a house for less than about 300k. With the massive taxation approaching 60% when you add everything up, it is no question why it is harder in some of these areas to even find housing, let alone move into it.

[HairOfTheDog]

Lots of venom here on this thread so far.

There are lots of people who go home for periods of time... I did when I was in my upper 20s. ended up staying a few years and it was actually me going nuts and my father not wanting to be alone if I left. It ended up being a fine period of life.... we were able to work together on a major remodel, learning alot about both each other, as adults, and learn a lot about building a house.

Never occured to me that our decisions to do this.... would anger people or cause scorn.

[Paul C. Jesup]

How interesting you consider a male to parasite if he still lives at home with their parents, while if they are female, it is because she can afford not too and you make excuses to support your view, while you give no examples as to why to guy is a parasite.

My, how sexist of you.

[Paul C. Jesup]

4. Young people are now pampered by society from babyhood. That has not been the case until fairly recently.

Now that is BS, the entire problem with the Bady Boomer generation is because most of them (NOT ALL) became spoiled brats by their parents (and they did not grow out of it), which lead to the chaos and problems of the 60's, 70's and to where we are at now.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Mr. Navarro is no loser:

False.

[SaucyCranberry]

I especially take exception at the comment by the twenty-eight-year-old Ms. Levy. As I am 33, married (12 years) have two children and the only time I feel trapped is when I have to watch live events on CNN Intl' and pray they don't open their mouths.


Her comments go to show how immature she really is if she thinks one has to have gotten ready for marriage by playing with her girlfriends, as if being prepared to be sent into Biosphere II for the rest of her life. Has she not seen any healthy marriages? I have tons of outside activities that don't involve my DH, love going out with the girls and have taken trips on my own. Yet having a life-long helper, lover and best friend is the reason I enjoy those activities even more. IMO it's this type of thinking that is leading to these so-called "starter marriages" in the last few years, where the "kids" can't even stick it out 12 months.

The only thing I think is positive about this is that at least they aren't shacking up with someone.

[Jim Cane]

"Now I think the idea of being an emotionally developed male by 24 is ridiculous. I want to get married and have kids someday. But I don't feel any pressure that it has to be soon."

I had a conversation with a very smart fellow this weekend who insisted that people should marry younger - at 18. A pursuasive argument can be made that people, forced to cope with real life earlier, are able to manage (and avoid) life's occassional hardships down the road.

Also, men and women (not calling them children) at 18 are not yet so set in their ways that compromising for marriage has become an impossibility. The selfishness and habitual intertia that ossifies with single living is harder to change as the years go by - hence later life couples can't cope, won't compromise, and will probably divorce.

A man and woman, living together as man and wife, can afford to move out of mom and dad's basement.

[Rays_Dad]

When I was 18 my dad showed me the door. I was not because he did not love me, but because his obligation to me was over. My dad raised me to be a smart young man capable of making sound decisions, and I appreciate that more than anything. Then again I think I come from a strange family because my mom and dad are still married, we prayed before dinner, I still call my mom - mom and my dad - dad - you know the regular stuff that is not so regular anymore. Me living at home at 30, not going to happen.

[walden]

When my youngest goes to college, our new "home" will be a 22' trailer, and we'll visit THEM for holidays. ;) I think the parents that allow this sort of irresponsibility are just idiots.

[riri]

LOL. This is my sister's children. 22 and 25, I don't know if they can go to the bathroom without her micro-management. Neither of them have ever had significant others. The eldest, a boy, flies home for every single break he has ever had for school. Five, six times a year. I just know after graduation they will move on to grad school and continue.

[bigeasy_70118]

There's a big difference between your situation and what is happening w/ kids in their 20s and 30s. Most of these kids live at home b/c they want a maid and not have to worry if the electric is going to be turned off. That's where the scorn is coming from.

I had the opportunity to work with my Dad, too. It was a great learning experience.

[nmh]

These are kids that refuse to GROW UP and take on some RESPONSIBILITY. Parents that house these immature free loaders are as bad as the kids - it's all about feelings!

[Rays_Dad]

I was 20 when I married my 18 year old bride Desiree. We now have a three-year-old son. Desiree is about six classes away from her BA and I have just started school. We own four cars, three of which are payed for. I don't know many 30 year olds that live like Desiree and I. We were forced to learn how to manage our small amounts of money when we were first married. Now that the money is coming in a little better we can afford a few nicer things, still maitaining financial responsibility. Financial Responsibility - now there is something completely uncommon for young people.

[CajunConservative]

Second, why, after years of forcing children to grow up so fast, are they surprised that they finally want to experience childhood?

Are these the kids that were raised by day care while mom was fulfilling her own ambitions in a career? This is the day care generation we are talking about.

[.38sw]

Mr. Navarro's mommy and daddy are chumps. Mommy packs his lunch? Good grief. I wonder if she also washes his socks and shorts. I pity the poor woman who decides the Mr. Navarro is a good catch and marries him. She'll probably be expected to be his mommy, too, and take care of him. This is pathetic. This guy still his his stuffed animals in his room!

[HairOfTheDog]

There is no difference. I had to go home because I lost a job. It just turned into being something good for both of us when I ended up staying a few years. I don't scorn family for keeping care of family longer than they ~have to~. There is nothing about that decision that should upset anyone.

[sphinx]

Since I'm not going to let my daughter date until she's 35, I guess it's ok if she stays at home.

Provided she pays rent, of course.

[Dosa26]

These articles generally imply, if they don't specifically state, that the "adult children" are not contributing meaningfully to the parents' household work or expenses.

I guess we can agree that liberal losers should not move back home then.