Freeper Obit. TrappedInLiberalHell

12-12-03 | EA

[EggsAckley]

I'm sorry to have to report that one of our own Freepers, TrappedInLiberalHell, has passed away. His profile is HERE

I met Chris this past summer and found him to be a brilliant young man, who unfortunately carried around a lot of painful psychological troubles. He wrote few posts here, but was an active and clever noter, and a very sweet young man.

R.I.P., Chris van Loon
b. 3/2/72, d. 12/9/03

[DoWhatsRight]

Having survived clinical depression myself, I would like to state a couple of things which have allowed me to live and come back from this vicious illness.
First of all, faith in God, and the hope He put at the depth of my soul. Secondly, I read a book called, "Telling Yourself the Truth", which was instrumental in changing what I was telling myself about myself. Thirdly, when I now feel depression trying to latch on to me, I go into action..."action dissolves fear", I will go to exercising, praying fervently, and saying OUT LOUD(sreaming if I have to)what I believe to be the truth...That God loves me just as I am and everything WILL BE ALRIGHT!!! I reject VEHEMENTLY the lies that I am going down the tubes, that my life is not worth living and all the other garbage thoughts that come to most of us at one time or another.
I stay busy mentally and physically so that by the end of the day I am tired and fulfilled in my day's work.
When all else fails...PRAISE GOD, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL OR HOW THINGS SEEM TO APPEAR!!
My condolences to Chris' family and loved ones and I pray God's strength and comfort upon you.
DoWhatsRight

[Dianna]

This "strength" you see, is the brittle shell of someone just keeping it together.

Sometimes just keeping it together takes everything you've got. We're here for you. We're praying for you. I know that can't make it all better, but I hope it does give you comfort.

Sometimes this world is a hell of a place to be.

[Blue Jays]

Good Evening All-

Willie Green, thanks for catching my mistake in formatting the link for Chris' hiking journals.

Petronski, some of the text in those journals really showcases his creative writing skills. Obviously, he was a pretty smart dude.

~ Blue Jays ~

[I got the rope]

When all else fails...PRAISE GOD, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL OR HOW THINGS SEEM TO APPEAR!!

Amen to that.

[fly_so_free]

Prayers for he and his family. May God grant comfort and peace to them. This is so sad.

[RightWingAtheist]

This like a losing a family member. In fact, that's exactly what this board becomes after a while, a genuine family. Best wishes to all your family members, Chris.

[F14 Pilot]

Sorry to hear that.

[carlo3b]

It is never easy, Saying good bye

[GOPJ]

He'll be in my prayers. I'm so sorry.

[NYCVirago]

This is horrible. I chatted with him a lot during the Yankees playoff threads. Terrible, terrible news.

[No Blue States]

I may regret posting this here for many reasons, hope its not inappropriate here in this thread most of all.

Warning, graphic descriptions.Read at own risk.

Maybe me telling my story will benefit someone some way.Maybe sharing it will help me. It scares my wife so i dont talk to her about it. It no worse than other peoples experiences.

Thanks to Cyborg and Petroski and many others brave enough to open up. You know who you all are.

Long story short.. My family was active in Church. The preachers son got out of prison. My dad invited him into our home to help him. He has an affair with my mom. They move out together.

I dont care much about their problems, both were abusive and i had envisioned them in caskets when they abused me and it would make me happy. Sometimes they were cool though. (a few of the beatings were deserved)

Now its a week before im 16. I fall asleep on the couch one lazy sunday afternoon watching blondie and dagwood, as they are talking abnormally quiet in the bedroom.

Horrifying screams of my mothers voice pleading for my help wakes me up. I run to their room and my dad is trying to pin her down with his knees and shoot her in the temple. So i jump on my dads back and try to pull him off, knowing i had no chance as he is 3 times bigger. The gun goes off and richochetes of the carpet throwing fragments in my face. My dad slings me off and i stand up. Red faced and crazy looking he tells me: "Get out of here you little SOB or i will shoot you too".

Mama screams call the police. While i call them i hear several gun shots as the police keep me on the phone for my safety then i hang up on them and go back.

They look asleep i think this cant be f-in happening. They wouldnt wake up they were gone, the blood snapped me into reality. Home alone now i dont know what to do, i call my moms sister and tell them my parents are gone please come pick me up. She mistakes "they are gone" as they just left in the car. I wait on the porch for them to arrive for what seems like a lifetime. The pain their action caused rippled through my entire family, the church, school, and small town. And my entire family even to this day.

I got past blaming God mostly, free will is each individuals and satan was the instigator. Every time i fall away from God depression returns, when i am close to Him it fades away. Yet i keep running back and forth and dont know why. I am convinced it is neither Gods fault or the Church. The blame lies with my parents. Too often ive considered what i could have done to comfort my dad ahead of time, or save my mom from him with one of the other guns. That is why your post ringed so true. the temptaion to blame ones self is very appealing. It all happened too fast and seemed like a nightmare. Less than 5 minute deal and i just woke up. It took some time to convince myself it was all real.

Back in 1979 this didnt happen much, now i hear it way to often in the news. That depresses me. Ive had the gun to my head a few times, but couldnt do to my kids what my parents did to me. How could i judge them then? So i gave up on that, even though at time there are still suicidal thoughts.They are less serious than the past.Ive lived long enough now to know mountains follow the valleys, peace follows the storms.

Please no sympathy, it was long ago. What sympathy there is available Is Friona's, Her loss is recent. Its said that misery loves company and i want you who lost loved ones to suicide, or even toy with the idea yourself, that you are not alone.

Clicking my "Post" button has never been so hard.

[CARepubGal]

My sympathies and prayers to you and the family.

[lowbridge]

My condolences and prayers to Chris' family.

[Aracelis]

Terribly sad...I will miss his posts.

[ClancyJ]

"But I still believe that there is evil at work in this. I've experienced it, and seen it in others. People are doing things they KNOW make the pain or self-loathing worse, and they won't quit."

I think the depression itself is doing it. Depression makes you NOT want to do anything, even help yourself. So, a very depressed person would not care to get help - just not worth the trouble.

I also believe it has a lot to do with the chemicals in the brain which can be helped by antidepressants.

I take an antidepressant and if I don't take them for a time, I notice that something will make me really mad - furious. Yet, when taking the medication, I am so much more easy-going and do not get that upset - I am more mellow. (A great relief to my husband who is always the first to notice I did not take my pill)

[xp38]

Deepest sympathies Fiona for your loss. Freepers have also lost a good friend. I'm a fellow Aussie living in Canada and wish God's tender mercies upon you in this difficult time.

[ClancyJ]

"All I can say is, we didn't walk in his shoes, so let's not criticize, especially here.

People are given a certain path in life, burdens to bear. I believe we must learn from them, and sometimes the learning is not easy."

I agree. I have found that it is ever so easy to tell others what to do - especially when we don't have the same status.

In reading this thread I ran across something about forgiveness helping the one depressed. This is something to think about seriously.

Should the depressed person have grudges of any kind, letting go of those grudges might heal an awful lot. I know long ago I learned that revenge and hate never ever helped heal. What healed was realizing no matter whatever fate came to those doing us wrong - it never changed the status of the victim. Their problems were still there.

It seemed better to turn to God for assistance in going forward and away from those that had caused harm. Hate does nothing but poison the heart and body of the person doing the hating. So much effort that keeps the person in such turmoil. God will give peace and strength. Sometimes you just have to endure the pain but you don't have to endure the hate.

The young have not yet gone through life's troubles to find this answer or are seeking peace in other ways. I remember getting so much comfort from lying on the bed with Christian hymns playing. Amazing how true those hymns are.

[ClancyJ]

I apparently have never had the deep deep depression mentioned here. I think of depression as a 40 lb weight on my back as I go through life. When you hit the problems, the weight on your back makes it just that much harder to carry on, it tires you out quicker. If you did not have that weight, you could pull yourself up, continue the fight and go on.

[ClancyJ]

So sorry about Chris - such a waste.

May God bless and comfort his loved ones and give him a home of peace.