Freeper Obit. TrappedInLiberalHell

12-12-03 | EA

[EggsAckley]

I'm sorry to have to report that one of our own Freepers, TrappedInLiberalHell, has passed away. His profile is HERE

I met Chris this past summer and found him to be a brilliant young man, who unfortunately carried around a lot of painful psychological troubles. He wrote few posts here, but was an active and clever noter, and a very sweet young man.

R.I.P., Chris van Loon
b. 3/2/72, d. 12/9/03

[cyborg]

Depression has some common symptoms, but the experience can be very personal and feel different to everyone. I used to feel like I was in a nightmare. Oh yeah, watch What Dreams May Come. The whole montage of his wife in hell is how I USED to feel.

[EggsAckley]

Thank you for your kindness.

[Jhoffa_]

Can you describe depression? I would like to hear what it is like, for many reasons.

It's just abject hopelessness.. The worst feeling imaginable.

It happens allot and can be compounded by environmental factors, life's hard knocks, etc..

Personally, I had a horrible bout of it once and my faith was all that helped.

I have friends who have no particular religious convictions that have used medication, etc, to try to combat this.

I honestly don't think anything helped them as much as my faith helped me, however.

[cyborg]

Contrary to what the 'Hemlock SOciety' types say, suicide is NOT victimless. You leave behind people wondering shoulda,coulda,woulda. It's tragic.

[EggsAckley]

Chris DID find comfort in FR. He was very proud to post here, and devoted to the members. It gave him some happiness, and I know because he told me that.

Thanks for everyone's concern. It's beautiful.

[cyborg]

thanks so much... I have good reason for living

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Maybe next time someone posts something like this, maybe we can extend a helping hand, or at least a prayer their way. I pray that we can learn from Chris, and grow as a family to help those in our family who needs help.

I, for one, will be more attentive in the future. I am always willing to lend a helping hand when I can. It is the one gift that G-d has given to all of us.

[DollyCali]

you have addressed some valid issues and make good points.

I sense that for many people problems build & it gets to be almost a domino effect. There is no where to turn (you believe) that you can find warmth/support.

I come to FR because it "feels good".. It fills a need. If I were truly down / depressed & came here & was shot down I think it would be another addition to camel's back.

did anyone ever commit suicide from flaming? Something we might never know. Many people disappear.. Differing interests, computer death, stroke, etc...

If death, That person may have not died from a flaming but it surely did not help, now did it? It is hard to contain yourself when someone is being a jerk in your opinion (I say you in a sense of all of us, not you personally Cat). Just like humor can be a pretense for depression.. obstinance can also & rebellion.

[RaceBannon]

I never heard of this guy.

How long was he a Ct Freeper?

What Freeps did he attend here?

[Burn24]

You greatly misjudge me. This is a somber and respectful thread. I looked at the pictures of Chris and his family and thought, "how could we have helped this guy?" So I'm looking to understand depression better - and I believe there's some in my own family.

[EggsAckley]

I apologize for misjudging you. It was supposed to be a private note. This whole thing is wearing on me and I'm starting to run out of steam.

The reason for the note was that there ARE people here who will use that information AGAINST you, but in looking back, I don't think that ilk of Freeper is even ON this thread. LOL!

*eating my words*

[null and void]

I would like to know too...(depression)

It's like Kansas, all shades of gray, while knowing that there is an Emerald City that you can see but never visit.

It's a physical weight tied to every atom of your body

A sense of an endless walk across a parched desert going from nowhere to nowhere else.

Knowing you are stuck in a trap that no one (not even you) can see.

It's an unfillable bottomless pit in your very soul.

Breathing takes effort, yet doesn't seem to provide oxygen.

Imagine a fish suffocating in freefall. No matter how much trashing and flipping the fish attempts to do it slowly succumbs.

It's a bit like all of that at once.

[cyborg]

I don't think that's where she's coming from. There are people who believe 'suck it up' is the answer to everything. It is but you don't say that to someone deeply depressed.

What Eggs may be getting at is something different. Remember the big deal with the lynching that turned out to be a suicide? I think it was in Florida. Anyway, the 'black community' said it had to be a lynching and MLK's son said, black folk don't get depressed and kill themselves. I wrote him the most angriest, cuss filled letter because it's THAT kind of attitude that drives depressiob deeper.

[cyborg]

exactly

[ChemistCat]

Sometimes when someone on here irritates me, usually because he's rude to me, I flame back. It's an outlet. In real life you usually have to eat it when someone is publicly rude to you. It feels good to stand up for what you believe. Here, it's "safe" to stand up for yourself.

Or maybe not so safe, if the person didn't mean to offend or couldn't help it for whatever reason, and really takes hurt from being flamed. I've had to apologize more than once for taking something wrong. There's no tone of voice here...no body language to help us interpret words the right way.

Have to say though, that most of the people I've flamed do not seem EVEN sensitive enough to be truly hurt by it...nor bright enough to understand exactly what I mean when I hope they are cautious, lest their mothers run out from under the porch to bite them.

But I could be wrong.

Still, I'm ME, and if I FReep tired or someone gets under my skin, I do what EggsAckley is talking about. I think most of us do. We can't walk on eggshells all the time, wondering if we're going to be the last straw for someone else. :-(

I would hope that a divine prompting would come and stop me from hitting POST below the scathing words that would lethally wound someone to the heart.

[DollyCali]

Not everyone has compassion and that is understandable. Certain personalities are full of it & some are not. But I feel there is NO excuse for a mean spirit.

We should strive for more understanding ... it usually comes through problems & pain.. and the reality is that You are NOT weak but actually a much stronger person from the journey and for the honesty that can be expressed.

Too many people repress the pain/weakness they have. Hiding things normally results in bad surprises later on.

I best leave for a short time as now my mom has been waiting (impatiently) for her dinner for several hours ..

how totally in-compassionate of me???

[proud American in Canada]

"I don't know if you can say it's "never" someone else's fault, but I don't think it's OFTEN someone else's fault."

Hi,

Okay, let me jump in here and actually publically admit something. At several points in my life, I have gotten very depressed and done stupid things--cutting up my arms, getting my husband's hunting rifle out of the closet.

But I was never able to cross the line.

You know what is really sad and sick? When I didn't do it, I hated myself even more for not having the guts to really do it.

I don't know if Chris ever felt like that, but it wouldn't surprise me if he felt that way sometimes after his unsuccessful attempts.

I mean, I never really made a serious attempt and I was mad at myself for being "chicken." Imagine if you were that far, I don't know how to describe it, but that far into desperation--I imagine that the self-loathing would be even worse if you made a serious attempt and failed.

I don't have feelings like that anymore. I'm very lucky--so much of it is due to my study of tracking. This is not the place to go into it.... but let me just say that, with any faith-related belief system, I have learned that suicidal thoughts are prompted by evil (the dark side, etc.), and they are not easy to resist...

The impulse to destroy is powerful and can be seen in so many facets of life.

I love Emmanuel Swedenborg's "Heaven and Hell." He says that the reason that both good and evil exist is to give mankind a choice. (17th century Swedish mystic)

We face that choice every day, every moment.

"Deliver us from evil"--the temptation got too great for Chris. But you know, I also believe that the dark side hits people the hardest when they have great potential for good.

Not only did Chris have potential, he shared it with FR, and he will be remembered... And so even though at one moment in his life, the temptation was too great, and the dark outweighed the light, that doesn't mean that after his death, he isn't still shining light.

After all, look at what this thread has turned into in a few posts--a serious discussion of the nature of the Internet, of suicide, of what one can do if someone is suicidal...

Yes, Chris... you're still Freeping! :)

[Burn24]

Wow. Your words gave me a chill to the heart.

[cyborg]

I can understand some of the 'spirited' discussions in political threads. However, deliberate meanspiritedness in this kind of thread is worthy of low voltage ZOTTAGE.

[proud American in Canada]

"YUP. I have hanging up on my wall, the rope that I tried to hang myself with as a reminder of my 'bottoming out'. Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I think of my mom first, then I think of the people that died on 9-11 then I think of dying people in Africa who would kill for a chance to be in America,etc. I get up off my a$$ and think of other people instead of thinking of myself.

It's all a very intense mind game."


Wow... I just saw this. Thank you for sharing this.

Please see my previous post; as I mentioned, Chris is still freeping, whether he's here in body or spirit. :)