Freepers sister in life or death situation-Florida-help please!! PRAYER REQUEST

me | December 9, 2003 | me

[fatima]

Marilyn will touch the hand of God,be strong for her now , our prayers will hold you up,fatima

[herewego]

Prayers up.

[ArneFufkin]

The most important priority is your sister's comfort, ease and ... dignity.

Bring her the songs she loved best to enjoy during her stay. Bobby Sherman. Mac Davis. Grandmaster Funk. Whatever. That's the stuff she wants to hear. We all pretend we like "Little Drummer Boy" and "Noel" ... we really want to hear Karen Carpenter, Nat King Cole and Marvin Gaye sing.

There's lots of time for pain, fear, loss and anger in this life. No need to jump into it early.

Don't ever let your sister be an extended family/friend bonding and reconciliation icon. A destination stop. That happens in this process. People try to make up 15 years in two frentic weeks. Your sis doesn't deserve that limelight, not when she's feeling weak, vulnerable and unprotected. Protect her! She's not a sideshow.

[baseballmom]

Prayers for Marilyn, and you.

Asking God to ease her pain, and yours too.

The movie idea is wonderful. You're a dear sister, and your friend Claudia has been wonderful. Take care.

[Vets_Husband_and_Wife]

~SAD PING~

Please see POST #309: for an UPDATE from Beach_Babe. I believe our friend TexasCowboy pinged his list, and I'll make sure trussell, Tonkin and MeeknMing and some friends get pinged, so they can Ping their lists too. A sad but appreciative, Thanks VH&W

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((((((Alice))))))) I am "soooo" sorry sweetie. This is not the outcome we all prayed for, nor is it what we had "hoped" for. I wish with all my heart I could be there to comfort you and wrap my arms around you. If ONLY I could.

In hospice we learned that we never lost "hope".. hope just changed. Now our "hope" turns to hospice and that Marilyn will be kept painfree and can die in peace.

I know this,.. hospice will afford her "comfort". And they will know how to ease her passing. Remember the freepmail about massaging her,..and I think the movies and the CHRIST'mas music are wonderful idea's. LOVING beautiful idea's that a loving sister would think of.

From your freepmail to me it sounds like already she is more comfortable and getting better pain control. It was always my experience, that hospice understood pain control better than most doctors and hospitals (no offense meant to doc's or hospitals).

I admit, this news has saddened me deeply, and I can't help but cry for you. It doesn't mean I don't believe that Marilyn is going to a better place, after all, Jesus wept tears for Lazarus, then raised him from the dead. So I know that Marilyn will know the Kingdom of Heaven. I just hurt for you so much right now.

I'm here for you, and will continue to be. Anytime....

Do me a favor and whisper in Marilyn's ear and tell her I said "she fought the good fight.. and was a dragon slayer extroidinaire', and that I am very proud of her"..(you know what I'm talking about) and then tell her to kiss Jesus on the cheek for me.

God Bless you sweetheart!! Mary Ann

[ArneFufkin]

FR is a wonderful resource and community ... but the long distance nursing and treatment second guessing that occurs here on a disturbingly increased basis is alarming. Especially when internet strangers start getting involved in intimate, private individual and family medical and caretaking decisions.

It's no mystery that I do not like this trend on FR. It's a small step from questioning why some procedure hasn't been implemented to questioning the motive or competency of involved caretakers and medical professionals. Then, some leap to developing nefarious agendas and criminality. Then, it moves to mobbing judges, Lawyers, politicians and media members with charges rife with innuendo and threat.

Frankly ... this should be a private, blackout time for our sad Freeper while she processes and manages this solemn life event. Her sister is seriously ill. She has our prayers, her sister and family have our prayers.

Sharing the experience with the group is fine, until the group creates fear, uncertainty and doubt. "Why didn't they do an abdominal drain?" What???

I know, I'm often considered a troll on these issues, but the details provided and the openly welcomed scrutiny of intensely private family matters is worrisome to me. What is the goal? Prayers for the ailing and her family! Yeah, heartfelt.

I'm just hoping this is not setting up another platform to smear and villify the solemn end of life care Hospice programs manage. This stuff gives me a bad feeling. I hope we hear nothing more about Marilyn's condition and treatment. That's none of our business, it's a breach of her dignity and privacy. It's a major boundaries violation to me.

Prayers going up for that ailing young woman and those who love her.

[Libertina]

Prayers for you and your sister.

[gubamyster]

Prayers sent.

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!

[PoisedWoman]

My heart and prayers go out to you this morning. You've been so strong for your sister, so loving, I hope and pray you can find peace in this time of sadness, joy in knowing that God loves you and Marilyn and that all is happening according to his plan.

God bless,
PW

[blackie]

So Mote It Be.

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

Hi Arne,

I can respect your thoughts and position as stated, but please indulge me a moment to voice mine.

I am slowly returning to FR after several weeks of dealing with the death of my father-in-law.

I speak from first-hand experience as someone who was unaware of the gravity of my father-in-law's health until only weeks before his death. The last 13 days of his life were spent in a hospital ICU.

Something that occurred in our situation, that rings similar to Marilyn's, was the plan to initiate a medical procedure, and the failure to do so.

We were told in the late morning several days after his admission, that my father-in-law's breathing was becoming an effort for him; that it was requiring him to expend energy when he didn't have that much to begin with. We were told that Charles was going to be placed on a ventilator before 6 p.m. that evening "to give him a well-deserved break."

The next day, we were told that Charles *had* been placed on the ventilator, around 6 a.m. the following morning -- *after* he coded. The family grumbled among its members, but no one wanted to "make waves." Why hadn't this been done as was planned?

During a period of near helplessness, it is comforting to know that the right procedures are taking place, and the right questions are being asked. Not everyone has a medical background to feel prepared when speaking with the medical staff. I know that when I provided my husband with questions to ask the doctor, and my reasons for needing those answers, my husband felt empowered and of help to his father. In small ways, these were gifts which I gave to him. I heard comfort in his voice every time he reported back to me, after feeling good about being brought up to speed with his dad's care.

Lord, Jesus, we sing Your praises for all you bless us with. Please, continue to hold Marilyn in Your gentle embrace, and comfort her loved ones with Your strong arms.

[Allegra]

You and Marilyn are in my thoughts and prayers today. May God give you His strength and as long as Marilyn is with us, there is hope and I will continue to pray.

[ArneFufkin]

My condolences for the loss of your father-in-law. That is a uniquely challenging and introspective thing for your husband, any man, to process. The father-son relationship is complex and thought provoking beyond our usually clueless male parameters, and I really hope your hubby and his Dad were close and loving when he passed.

Concerning the medical care your father in law received at the end of his life? Take it to a lawyer and he'll know if there's malpractice or neglect. Remember however ... humans die. Your FIL was in ICU for 13 days. He was a critically ill, near death patient. I wouldn't burden yourself with finger pointing here. DOCTORS and NURSES do not kill their patients. Patients, ICU patients, sometimes die without help.

But ... NO medical professional of any import and integrity would offer a medical opinion or advice over the INTERNET. None. I always cringe when I see RNs spewing their insights, opinions and advice here. It's irresponsible if they identify themselves as Nursing Professionals. Thanks, Ms. Nurse cyber-expert on distended abdomens, but you ain't touching me

Beach Babe seems, from her presentation of Marilyn's detailed care regimen, to be a nurse anyway.

I've gleaned throughout this thread that there are severe issues at hand: Marilyn has no health insurance, no Will and apparently the family siblings (if still alive) are removed, isolated and incommunicado. There's a mother, and an older brother in New York who is really stepping like a man it seems. Is there an estate, a life insurance policy or annuity in effect?

Marilyn is now in Hospice. Hospice is SUPPOSED to be about a secure, comfortable and family centric end of life process. It's not handing over a car to a tow truck heading for the salvage yard. It's your family, your blood, caring and loving and shepherding a loved one to blissful afterlife in God's Kingdom.

I just hope her family can come together and share their blessing of her life, and her life's passing.

I've got to say this ... this sad event sounds like the start of a Freeping financial, legal and emotional mess. It makes me sad.

[TEXOKIE]

Amen, Pegita. Amen. Thank you for expressing it.

[Simcha7]

SHALOM!

Hi...Arne,

Concerning Your Posts and Opinions posted on this thread...while some if it is comforting...sometimes:

SILENCE IS GOLDEN.

[Vets_Husband_and_Wife]

In an effort to stop you from doing this for once and for all, I'm going to point out some of your statements. I also must point out at this time that I have asked you in PRIVATE FREEPMAIL to please discontinue your comments on this thread, as this is a time for SUPPORT for Alice. What you are doing is extremely disturbing.

"Beach Babe seems, from her presentation of Marilyn's detailed care regimen, to be a nurse anyway".

WRONG.. she is a loving sister, who sadly is having to learn medical terminology because her sister is ill, and now I'm sad to say...dying. I can't tell you the agonizing freepmail I've rec'd from her. She loves her sister to no end. And she has learned the "lingo" as she has gone along, as do many family members in simular situations.

"I've gleaned throughout this thread that there are severe issues at hand: Marilyn has no health insurance, no Will and apparently the family siblings (if still alive) are removed, isolated and incommunicado. There's a mother, and an older brother in New York who is really stepping like a man it seems. Is there an estate, a life insurance policy or annuity in effect?"

True, Marilyn was between jobs, and had no health insurance. Which Alice mentioned on this thread. I do not recall her saying there was No "WILL". This was always a desperate attempt at finding out what was wrong with Marilyn. I also DO NOT RECALL ANY MENTION of the family being "REMOVED, ISOLATED AND INCOMMINCADO"!! In fact, they are close! There "IS" an elderly Mother, poor woman, who is LOSING her daughter. And if you would,.. explain this comment to me: "an older brother in New York who is really stepping like a man it seems". Because right now I have an extremely sick feeling in my stomach even imagining what you might have meant. On second thought.. DON'T explain that to me! Lastly in the QUOTE ABOVE, you insinuate it is about money. Boy.. you really take the cake!

"Marilyn is now in Hospice. Hospice is SUPPOSED to be about a secure, comfortable and family centric end of life process. It's not handing over a car to a tow truck heading for the salvage yard. It's your family, your blood, caring and loving and shepherding a loved one to blissful afterlife in God's Kingdom."

"I just hope her family can come together and share their blessing of her life, and her life's passing."

"I've got to say this ... this sad event sounds like the start of a Freeping financial, legal and emotional mess. It makes me sad."

How you got that this is the beginning of a financial, legal and emotional mess is beyond me. Other than the horrendous emotion of losing someone you love so deeply, this is and always was a support thread. We have been trying to put our minds together to figure out what was going on. Nothing more.. nothing less. Tortured minds would only conjure up something more.... and that is what is so sad about your posts.

I told you in freepmail that I worked as a Hospice volunteer for 3 years helped 7 patients and their families. Alice and her family and dear friend Claudia, are doing everything humanly possible to help their sister and friend. They always have from what I have witnessed. They still are! Yet you come here and write insulting words.

I am asking you once again, as nicely as I can, but this time publicly, to please respect this family in this time of deep grief and leave this thread if you can't do that. We are here to support Alice in her time of need and prayer. I hope you will join us in that endeavor,.. if you can't.. then please, just leave.

[Simcha7]

SHALOM!

Dear Beach_Babe our Precious FRiend and Sister in Yeshua/Jesus Our LORD.

We are lifting up Marilyn, You and Your Family to the Throne of Grace and Tender Mercies continually.

Praying for GOD to touch Marilyn, Heal her and give to her a Miracle.

Healing does not always come as we envision it or hope it to be.

The LORD in His Wisdom and Grace often times Heals us by bringing us Home to Heaven to be with Him.

And what a Graduation that will be to finally see JESUS Face to Face!

No more pain or tears...just Unspeakable JOY!

Choirs of Believers and Angels Singing Praises to The KING of GLORY!

What better place to be than sitting at the Precious Feet of our LORD, GOD and King of Kings!

Keep Your Eyes and Heart on Jesus the Author and Finisher of our Faith.

HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.

With Our Love and Prayers to You, Marilyn, Your Family and Friends.

[TexasCowboy]

Arne, please let us handle this in the way that we see fit.
No one asked you for your advice.

We have no problem exchanging ideas to try to help in whatever way we can.
God is here to help, but He expects us to do the footwork.
That's what we're attempting to do.
You do a disservice to Beach Babe, all the people who have prayed on this thread, but, most of all, to Marilyn.

For your information, I just went through this about two months ago with my sister.
I was completely alone making all the decisions about life and death.
That was dumb!
If I ever have to do that again, I'll bring it to my prayer family for their advice and prayer.

We have no ulterior purpose.
We just want to help.
I pray that you will join us, but if you choose to castigate us for our efforts, I ask that you leave us alone.

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!