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FR is a wonderful resource and community ... but the long distance nursing and treatment second guessing that occurs here on a disturbingly increased basis is alarming. Especially when internet strangers start getting involved in intimate, private individual and family medical and caretaking decisions.

It's no mystery that I do not like this trend on FR. It's a small step from questioning why some procedure hasn't been implemented to questioning the motive or competency of involved caretakers and medical professionals. Then, some leap to developing nefarious agendas and criminality. Then, it moves to mobbing judges, Lawyers, politicians and media members with charges rife with innuendo and threat.

Frankly ... this should be a private, blackout time for our sad Freeper while she processes and manages this solemn life event. Her sister is seriously ill. She has our prayers, her sister and family have our prayers.

Sharing the experience with the group is fine, until the group creates fear, uncertainty and doubt. "Why didn't they do an abdominal drain?" What???

I know, I'm often considered a troll on these issues, but the details provided and the openly welcomed scrutiny of intensely private family matters is worrisome to me. What is the goal? Prayers for the ailing and her family! Yeah, heartfelt.

I'm just hoping this is not setting up another platform to smear and villify the solemn end of life care Hospice programs manage. This stuff gives me a bad feeling. I hope we hear nothing more about Marilyn's condition and treatment. That's none of our business, it's a breach of her dignity and privacy. It's a major boundaries violation to me.

Prayers going up for that ailing young woman and those who love her.

Hi Arne,

I can respect your thoughts and position as stated, but please indulge me a moment to voice mine.

I am slowly returning to FR after several weeks of dealing with the death of my father-in-law.

I speak from first-hand experience as someone who was unaware of the gravity of my father-in-law's health until only weeks before his death. The last 13 days of his life were spent in a hospital ICU.

Something that occurred in our situation, that rings similar to Marilyn's, was the plan to initiate a medical procedure, and the failure to do so.

We were told in the late morning several days after his admission, that my father-in-law's breathing was becoming an effort for him; that it was requiring him to expend energy when he didn't have that much to begin with. We were told that Charles was going to be placed on a ventilator before 6 p.m. that evening "to give him a well-deserved break."

The next day, we were told that Charles *had* been placed on the ventilator, around 6 a.m. the following morning -- *after* he coded. The family grumbled among its members, but no one wanted to "make waves." Why hadn't this been done as was planned?

During a period of near helplessness, it is comforting to know that the right procedures are taking place, and the right questions are being asked. Not everyone has a medical background to feel prepared when speaking with the medical staff. I know that when I provided my husband with questions to ask the doctor, and my reasons for needing those answers, my husband felt empowered and of help to his father. In small ways, these were gifts which I gave to him. I heard comfort in his voice every time he reported back to me, after feeling good about being brought up to speed with his dad's care.

Lord, Jesus, we sing Your praises for all you bless us with. Please, continue to hold Marilyn in Your gentle embrace, and comfort her loved ones with Your strong arms.