R. Kelly claims "unknown conspirators digitally dropped him" into video with young girl

The Smoking Gun ^ | 12.2.03

[mhking]

DECEMBER 2--Alleged pedophile R. Kelly is one inventive guy. The 36-year-old R&B singer is under indictment on child porn charges in Florida (where he allegedly possessed illicit still images) and Illinois (where he supposedly filmed himself with a young girl). When he was nabbed earlier this year in Miami, Kelly told cops, according to the below police report, that "former managers" might have been trying to set him up, "taking pictures of people that look like me" cavorting with the underaged. Kelly has now extended that defense, as it were, to his Cook County case, according to a motion filed yesterday. While simultaneously questioning whether his video co-star was a minor, Kelly notes that he might mount a "computer morphing" defense. The performer, it seems, may argue that some unknown conspirators digitally dropped him into the raunchy video (or, perhaps, replaced his of-age consort with a computer-generated partner based on an actual minor girl). This trial should be a hoot--especially when Kelly's legal team calls George Lucas as its first defense witness. Call it the Industrial Light & Magic defense. (6 pages)

[mhking]

I saw the video. He needs to go up under the jail. Or have a rather large and overly friendly "roommate." Named Bubba. With a depth perception problem.

Just damn.

If you want on the new list, FReepmail me. This IS a high-volume PING list...

[finnman69]

Its the its not me in the video officer defense.

[MindBender26]

Remember the words of Johnnie Cochran just before the OJ trial:

"Give me just one Black woman on that jury...."

[TaxRelief]

Another "participant"?

[Texas_Jarhead]

To effectivetly 'drop' him into a scene he would have to be green screned first. DUH

[Alter Kaker]

I saw the video. He needs to go up under the jail

To watch this video - this is not itself crime in America? To possess image of sex with child?

[ConservativeMan55]

Not to defend him or anything, but it wouldn't be hard to do what he is claiming.

I've got cheap video editing software on my computer. I can and have easily put people's heads on other's heads. Insert video with other video.

Freaky stuff.

[KellyAdmirer]

This reminds me of the old Groucho Marx defense, "Who do you believe, me or your lying eyes?"

[WackyKat]

Remember the words of Johnnie Cochran just before the OJ trial: "Give me just one Black woman on that jury...."

That worked because OJ's victims were white.

I believe the victim in this case was black, so the defense can't rely on anti-white racism

[JonathansMommie]

PING

[Drango]

The butler made him do it!

[Betty Jo]

OOOOOHHHHHH,I am sooo confused!

[T'wit]

>> I've got cheap video editing software on my computer.

Do you have a copy of that video featuring Howard Dean, a swing, an air pump with a long hose, a goat wearing a burqa, and twelve gerbils?

[lelio]

Remember the words of Johnnie Cochran

Thankfully you went with the black juror quote. I thought you were going to twist the "If the doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

[lelio]

Dang html tags! That should be "If the (insert adult object here) doesn't fit you must acquit"

[mhking]

To watch this video - this is not itself crime in America?

Possession of the video could be construed as possession of child pornography.

[ConservativeMan55]

I could make it appear if you will.

[ConservativeMan55]

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, you must now decide whether or not to reverse the decision for my client, Chef.

[next to a display stand]

I know he seeems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen, this… is Chewbacca.

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider:

(pulling down a diagram)

This is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more importantly, you have to ask yourself:

What does that have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation—does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.


[pulls down a picture of him]

Now think about that for one minute:

That does NOT MAKE SENSE! Why am I talkin' about Chewbacca when a man's life is on the line?

[Chef looks at the picture]

Why? I tell you why. I don't know.

It doesn't make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit!

[produces a monkey]

Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.

[a juror chokes, then his head explodes]