How hard can it be to enlist Evil? Can someone answer that? Throw me a friggin' bone, here...
Posted on 12/02/2003 2:09:19 PM PST by 91B
"The meeting of the Axis of Evil is called to order," Ernst Stavro Blofeld announced, "and, once again President Jacques Chirac is here as an observer."
"We just want to know what the enemy is doing," Chirac said, "so that we might better appease them and know which direction to run in is most cowardly."
"We must stop the Americans in Iraq!" Saddam Hussein yelled. "They are very powerful, though. They killed my sons; even I wasn't even able to do that."
"If the Americans are made to look as fools in Iraq," Osama bin Laden stated, "Then I can gain even more followers. Muh ha ha ha."
"And France will replace them as a world power!" Chirac said, "Wha ha ha ha!"
"And I can enter the race for presidency and beat Bush!" Hilary Clinton exclaimed, "Bwa ha ha ha!"
"And I can take Disney World away from Japan!" Kim Jong Il laughed, "Tee hee hee!"
"And Aquaman will be defenseless!" shouted Black Manta, "Gra ha ha ha!"
"Ooh ooh! Ee ee!" said Chim-Chim, the evilest monkey.
"Don't worry," Blofeld said, "We have plans for the Americans. Tell them, evil dictator of China."
"I, evil dictator of China," declared the evil dictator of China, "have flooded Iraq with our robots ninjas. Soon their forces will fall. But we must keep any of this from being traced back to China or we'll be looked at as vile in Americans' eyes as France is."
"Then you shouldn't have put 'Made in China' on all the robots' parts," Blofeld commented.
"We take pride in our workmanship!" the evil dictator of China shot back.
"Do you think this will be enough to stop the Americans?" Saddam asked.
"To be sure," the evil dictator of China said, "We have more help."
Suddenly a portrait of Chairman Mao floated into the room. "It is I, the haunted portrait of Chairman Mao!" it said, its eyes glowing red with Commie evil. "I shall help lead the forces, and they will fall to my Commie evil!"
"We must make sure the Americans do not find out of our plans," Osama bin Laden stated, "I bet they have spies about."
Saddam turned to his compatriot at his side. "Have you seen anyone suspicious, Chomps, the world's angriest Baathist party member?"
Chomps shook his head no.
"Maybe it's just me," Osama said, "but Chomps looks a lot like a rottweiler with a fake mustache and a beret."
"I will not have anyone questioning Chomps!" Saddam responded angrily, "He has been a loyal Baathist party member since earlier this morning." Saddam then added more quietly, "Plus, it makes him angry... very angry."
An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. The French admiral started complaining that Whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English.
He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these Conferences rather than you speak French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because we arranged it so you did not have to speak German."
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