Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year -

Yahoo.com ^ | October 20, 2003

[UnklGene]

Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year

Monday October 20, 2003

Federal health officials are expected to soon issue a report warning the public about the dangers of second-hand gas. Human gas, that is.

"Second-hand gas, if inhaled on a regular basis, can cause headache, irritated eyes, emphysema, asthma, bronchitis and in many cases, heart attack," says a physician with ties to the Centers for Disease Control.

"Each year, approximately 130,000 Americans die from second-hand gas -- and many others suffer serious ailments as a result of long-term exposure.

"Gas-passers and non-gas-passers alike must realize the extent to which breaking wind -- commonly called 'farting' -- damages everyone's health."

According to the soon-to-be-released CDC report, each year second-hand gas causes:

800 heart attacks 250 strokes 30,000 asthma attacks 50,000 cases of earache Due to poor dietary habits, there is now an "epidemic" of flatulence in America, the report warns. The average American produces a staggering three pints of gas and breaks wind 14 to 23 times daily.

[CFC__VRWC]

"You stained my Pilgrim hat, buttpipe!"

[Skooz]

Don't let her innocent looks fool you. She can clear a room at any time.

[technomage]

WOW. If true, Mr. Methane could be out of work.

Don't know Mr. Methane? He has a number of, shall we say, unusual albums, including a Christmas album. Samples can be heard at MrMethane.com

[F.J. Mitchell]

Maybe now those who rip their britches and rattle the windows in the preoccess of methaninating, will get a little respect for a change. It's those prissy little cowards who sneak them out silently, who pose the greatest risk to us all. They need to be sniffed out and punished severely.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but there's a special someone I'm going to show this to.

[Manic_Episode]

My lactose intolerance gives me special powers.
An intentional surreptitious glass of milk before a long car ride earned me the proudly worn title of the "rottenest man in the world" from my buddies who were hanging their heads out the window at 70 MPH even tho all the windows were already down.
No one died tho.

[Gabz]

Come on down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SheLion]

Come on down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd sure love to! Maybe some day I will start traveling again. Can't say never! :)

[CSM]

"Come on down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wow, that statement on this thread! That is a pretty scary invitation........Oh, you meant join you for chili, and I thought it was a challange!

[JoeSixPack1]

With pickeled eggs and beer..I can do it in 2.5.

WOW!! You are officially my new hero!

But...can you clear a Truckstop Restaurant and make old ladies puke for a 3 mile radius with one lethal burst - fuel'd only by two slices of pizza, a small bag of twizzles and a yoohoo?

[Gabz]

I hope you do!!!!

[Gabz]

You're so silly!!!

But you're welcome also!!!

Now I've really got to get cooking - literally. My little one will be getting off the bus in about 90 minutes - and she loves to help in the kitchen, so I try to get the attention needed stuff out of the way first and let her do things like stirring and adding stuff to the pot!!!

later folks!!!

[kidd]

Well, I guess we'll just have to create a special section in restaurants for this sort of thing.

[Mad Dawgg]

>>>{"Don't Forget all the millions that will die from the sea levels rising, due to the grrenhouse effect of said gasses.}"<<<

Is that Cow-farting/oceans rising thing I keep hearing about?

Man, if L.A. and New York sink beneath the oceans because cows fart I think this will finally prove once and for all there is a God and he does indeed have a master plan!

[kidd]

You know, I quit once. But its hard to quit. Its one of my habits.

[kidd]

After sex, I really have the urge to "light one up"

[CSM]

"You know, I quit once. But its hard to quit. Its one of my habits."

It is an addiction, I always feel relaxed and less cranky when I just give in to my addiction. Whenever I try to quit I get all cranky and I go into withdrawl! I even feel physical changes when I try to quit!

[Johnny Gage]

When they outlaw farts only outlaws will fart.

FMCDB

[hosepipe]

[ "Gas-passers and non-gas-passers alike must realize the extent to which breaking wind -- commonly called 'farting' -- damages everyone's health." ]

GET OUT!....(hand over mouth).. LoL

[ladylib]

I know. It didn't get a favorable response from farmers or cows.

Maybe the Green Party will give it a try.