Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year -

Yahoo.com ^ | October 20, 2003

[UnklGene]

Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year

Monday October 20, 2003

Federal health officials are expected to soon issue a report warning the public about the dangers of second-hand gas. Human gas, that is.

"Second-hand gas, if inhaled on a regular basis, can cause headache, irritated eyes, emphysema, asthma, bronchitis and in many cases, heart attack," says a physician with ties to the Centers for Disease Control.

"Each year, approximately 130,000 Americans die from second-hand gas -- and many others suffer serious ailments as a result of long-term exposure.

"Gas-passers and non-gas-passers alike must realize the extent to which breaking wind -- commonly called 'farting' -- damages everyone's health."

According to the soon-to-be-released CDC report, each year second-hand gas causes:

800 heart attacks 250 strokes 30,000 asthma attacks 50,000 cases of earache Due to poor dietary habits, there is now an "epidemic" of flatulence in America, the report warns. The average American produces a staggering three pints of gas and breaks wind 14 to 23 times daily.

[TADSLOS]

So, the alternative is to hold it all in...that's a recipe for a Chernobyl like disaster.

[RightWhale]

Add 10,000 ninja nightfighter assassins whose position is given away by inadvertent vociferousness.

[A CA Guy]

Books of matches alert!

[Gabz]

You just gotta see this!!!!

The government comes up with enough other ridiculous numbers, so why not!!!

[XJarhead]

I noticed that the supposed harm is all from secondhand gas.

Finally, scientific proof that they just don't smell as bad if they're yours.

[ladylib]

Well, at least we should tax it.

[mtbrandon49]

Pull My Finger President

[A CA Guy]

Democrats, 130,000 died when they fart their brains out.

But as usual, they still walk a few more years above ground to vote after they have passed.... on!

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Each year, approximately 130,000 Americans die from second-hand gas

You have GOT to be Freepin' kidding me!

I'd like to see some of the reports from those autopsies.

[CSM]

You called this a long time ago! Don't you prefer second hand food as the term.......

Where are the gnatzies now? What can be done to regulate this non filtered danger?

[A CA Guy]

New energy source?

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

The source for this article is "The Weekly World News"...ya know...the "Batboy" people.

[Bikers4Bush]

This has to be a joke.

[SheLion]

[ZOTnot]

This is why the earth spins on its axis. We've been powering the planet all along and just didn't realize our collective strength in numbers.

[SheLion]

The number of victims who die laughing was not noted.

This cracks me up!

[Xenalyte]

Killer!

[JoeSixPack1]

The average American produces a staggering three pints of gas and breaks wind 14 to 23 times daily.

More America bashing! Now they're gettin' personal! Good thing I'm not an "Average American".

I'm more an "Above Average American". I can clear an elevator in 3 seconds. Who can beat that?

<|:-)~~

[Xenalyte]

And while I'm thinking about it, the Dread Boston Salty also has quite lethal potentiality.

[ZULU]

Its all those d@mn vegans eating too many beans instead of fresh meat, like we were designed to eat.