“Oh baby, after this calendar comes out I’m going to be dripping in hotties! Oh Shania Twain, you’re about to finally notice the real man of your dreams!”
Posted on 10/20/2003 10:15:53 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
A little bit of housekeeping traffic...
Some of you may not care even the slightest bit, but to keep my self sane and relatively organized, from today on each Caption-A-Rama will cover Saturday to Friday of the previous week. In other words, if it happens on a Saturday, it won’t be in the Caption-A-Rama the following Monday, it will be in the Monday after that. Also, some or all of a special Time Travel Field Trip back to the appeasement protests of March and April will appear in next week’s Caption-A-Rama. OK, housekeeping taken care of, oooh look at the kitchen counter sparkle!
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!!! MY EYES!! MY POOR EYES!!
Towns around Oregon are having trouble meeting their school budgets, and various communities have come up with strange ways to deal with the shortfall. Teachers have sold their blood plasma, ranchers have auctioned off hunting rights on their ranches. But the worst one of all is right here folks: The men of the Junction City Grange have made up a calendar of themselves in various states off undress, with the proceeds going to charity. Do not proceed if you are eating.
“Oh baby, after this calendar comes out I’m going to be dripping in hotties! Oh Shania Twain, you’re about to finally notice the real man of your dreams!”
“Yes, it is a banjo, and I am happy to see you!”
These guys are each pleased to find out that they weren’t the only farmer who’d been working his fields in the buff.
Yes, in the name of all that is holy, put them back on!
Here’s the finished project. Somebody get David Kay back to the States, we need him to track down every one of these WMDs and destroy it!
Anti-War Pro-Terrorist idiots on the march
This is a useful idiot (and former world championship boxer) named Chris Eubank, who pulled this truck up to the end of Downing Street in London and blasted the air horn for one full minute. He then drove off, but was stupid enough to come back and try it again, at which point he was arrested.
Enjoy the paddy wagon ride, Chris, and pray the bobbies don’t decide to demonstrate the secret police interrogation techniques that made Iraqis happy that their country was bombed.
This sign held by Syrian protestors reads, “Yesterday, Palestine! Today, Iraq! Tomorrow, who?” Well, you, dumb-ass, if you keep screwing with us. What gave you the impression we’re playing around, Sparky?
Gee, let’s all imagine together what the world would be like if you guys would stop putting Israeli and American children in your crosshairs. Be pretty nice, wouldn’t it? Definitely a lot less bombing of you terrorist scumbags by us.
If only the appeasenik’s noses really did grow longer every time they lied. By now, none of them would be able to fit their nose in their cars to drive to the protests
Well, you can tell they’re not lesbians. (Thanks to Ichneumon for pointing me toward this and all the other Phillipines photos!)
Wait...is this guy saying that all our troops are gay? Whoa, I knew some of them were just by the law of averages, but man! Seriously, what I really think is funny about this one is that he expects people to be horrified that there might be an American soldier or two in the Phillipines, but apparently Fillipino soldiers hunting down the same terrorist scum in the same jungles with the same weapons would be just wonderful.
Fillipino Senators applaud the President’s blowfish impression.
This sign wouldn’t make any less sense if you changed “Bush” to “Thomas the Tank Engine.” BTW, this is a good spot to share a protest that (as far as I know) there were no pictures for: A bunch of Thai farmers in Bangkok placed the President’s photgraph in a clay jar, and cursed it with black magic before letting it float down the Ping River. They claim this means that they’ve trapped his soul, and this action was performed in response to U.S. agricultural policies. Yep, what we need to do as a nation is seek more input from foreigners, all right; we’re just not wise enough to figure things out on our own.
A Fillipina congresswoman shows off the anti-U.S. garment she wore to Bush’s speech. I wonder if the little dear crocheted that her self; every broad needs a hobby. BTW, when can you remember any U.S. congresscritter, even the despicable Dems, disrespecting a foreign head of state in the chamber like this? Did you see any “No Blood For Oil” banners strung up at the back of the room when Tony blair addressed Congress? I don’t think so!
See what I mean? This guy was hauled away because he wouldn’t shut up and put away the “No War” sign. Seems like he and his compadres need to grow up, but at least he has cornered the Muslim vote in his district for the next election.
Think this is stupid? You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet! Go down to the next photo.
"Run for your lives! It’s the evil Georgoctopus!"
Despite his absolute fidelity to Laura, President Bush has gotten lei’d at least as much as Bill Clinton had by this point in his first term.
How exactly does one “wort”?
You’ve got to just love the darling mad little cutesy cartoon women on the signs.
The AP caption referred to this as an “altered” U.S. flag. Gee, really, we don’t have “No. 1 TERRORIST STOP BUSH” written on our flag? How’d I miss that before?
Somehow, I don’t think this guy is going to be working for Henson Productions anytime soon. Also, check the upper right: Another definite non-lesbian Fillipina. One of the things that makes me proud to be a Freeper is that the dumbest of the 100,000 of us on this site could have half of his or her brain removed and still not make a sign as stupid as that one.
This one’s from Tokyo. Let’s see, flamboyant dancing, “No More Bush,” lots of shoulder gripping and groin to glute action...Darn it, there’s a joke here somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it...
Yeah baby, yeah! Wash that stink right off!
This guy’s in Seoul, we’re keeping a million North Korean troops from coming South and eating his tender young ass, and he thinks we’re evil. OK, sparky, we’ll call the evil troops home, but we’ll be sure and leave some Texas Pete behind for the the NKs to use on your behind.
OK, let’s see...Anti-American slogans, opposition to legitimate destruction of terrorist infrastrusture, head coverings in a tropical steambath...could it be The Religion of Peace?
Bush stop? Is that like a door stop except that...ummm...OK, moving right along...
Monk on right:"Have you ever noticed how nice and firm the President’s buttocks look in a pair of tight jeans?"
Monk on left: “Yes, it has occupied my mind during many long meditation sessions. Looks nice in a flight suit, too."
I suppose it’s possible this Thai activist could look dumber, but I’m not sure how. Maybe a Hooter’s shirt with booger stains on it. By the way, nice assumption that American avarice is burning for the vast wealth of...Thailand! Yes, the whole War on Terror was a vast plot designed just to get Thailand’s stuff! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, and DARN IT, they found out the President is a blood-sucking undead fiend! Aw crap, it’s all falling apart on us now!
“Arrr matey, stand up against evil U.S. imperialism and I promise you all the lusty, busty sea wenches you could ever want.”
These women brought condoms to their demonstration in Manila. Apparently they got him confused with President Clinton, and went home frustrated and lonely.
Bolivians get gas
The Gas War continues in Bolivia. At the time I posted this, 53 people had been killed in the protests so far, and most citizens of La Paz are afraid to leave their houses.
Bolivian Gas Warriors build a rock wall to stop police. Yeah, a mortarless stone wall will stop a police armored car like nobody’s business.
Amazing how many peaceful protests end with a bunch of stuff on fire. Really a great stand for the working man.
This Peruvian newspaper spread reads, “With Bolivia Against Imperialism.” No joke necessary about idiots from a former colony of Spain (who therefore should know what imperialism really is) calling a pipeline project “imperialism.” And since when did Bea Arthur become a Peruvian Socialist?
The Two Minutes Hate: Now for Peruvians.
C’mon guys, you know you want a chick who can rock hard like this.
“Forget the stupid pipeline, the imperialist pigs refuse to give me free DependsTM! Where are my DependsTM America!??!”
A Bolivian cop throws a rock back at the protestors. Maybe the Israelis should try this.
Maybe the high death toll is explained by Darwin Award behavior like this. Here’s the original caption: A Bolivian man throws a stone while another aims a mock rifle at police, as rioting broke out during an anti-government protest march in La Paz, against President Gonzalo Sanchez de Lozada, October 16, 2003.
"Imperialist bastards, I tried your Avon and Mary Kay products and my eyes don't look any younger!!"
Unfortunately, one of Jim Henson’s Muppets was in the wrong place at the wrong time this week in La Paz. Police are withholding the victim’s identity until the next of kin is notified.
Dude, cave immediately! I’ll bet the pipeline company has a decent dental plan!
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztt!! Wrong A.N.S.W.E.R.!!
International Answer held a press forum called “IRAQ - George W. Bush's Vietnam?” Thanks to Flora McDonald for pointing me to these photos from it.
Ramsey Clark: “Lyndon Johnson’s war in Vietnam cost the lives of 58,000 Americans, but he called hiring me his worst mistake ever. I’m da bomb, homeys!”
Gloria Jackson, mother of a U.S. soldier stationed in Iraq: “So I asked my son if he minded me protesting against the liberation of Iraq, and he said, “Mama, it wouldn’t embarrass me any more than that dye job of yours,’ so here I am!”
Bishop Thomas Gumbleton, Auxiliary Bishop, Catholic Archdiocese of Detroit. “Well, everyone knows that when we in the Detroit Archdiocese have a chance to stick it to the bourgeoisie war pigs, we’re there faster than a hippy with the munchies running to the fridge!”
Mahdi Bray, Executive Director, Muslim American Society Freedom Foundation: “So I said to him, ‘Silky, I can’t be your most lucrative male prostitute any more. I’m in The Nation now.’”
Mara Verheyden-Hilliard, attorney and co-founder, Partnership for Civil Justice; A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition Steering Committee: “And so, that’s when I flushed all my vacuous bourgoisie ho-bag Barbies down the toilet, and it took the Rotorooter man six hours to clear out the pipe. That’s the first time I saw my Daddy cry, other than that time I caught him wearing Mom’s underwear. Well, enough about me, let’s talk about Iraq.”
Peta Lindsay, A.N.S.W.E.R. Youth & Student Coordinator, Howard University student: “OK, so, like, war really sucks, OK, I mean, can you, like, imagine if you’re an Iraqi, like just trying to go to the mall, like to get your nails done and buy some, like, Prada shoes, and like, a B-58 kills you and the, like, 50 small children that just happen to be standing next to you, like nowhere near any military target, like, you were in a hospital lobby?”
Teresa Gutierrez, Co-Director, International Action Center; A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition Steering Committee: “So I figured, I’m a national figure in a socialist movement, so why not? And I went ahead and grew the Hitler ‘stache I’ve always wanted. And let me tell you, it drives my girlfriend ultra-wild. Achtung, Baby!
Caneisha Mills, Howard University student, Youth & Student A.N.S.W.E.R.: “The one downside to being in ANSWER is how these honkies are always asking me to sing, “Fast Car” at every protest rally. I mean, what is that %$#$#& anyway?”
Efia Nwangaza, Not in Our Name Project: “This video expose includes a great deal of shocking footage of the President in a flight suit and working on his ranch in tight jeans, and after viewing it all over one hundred times, I can truly say I understand the seat of the imperialist war machine’s power. Oh yes, I understand that seat.”
Chuck Kaufman, National Co-Coordinator, Nicaragua Network; A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition Steering Committee: (Thinking) “OK, did I hit all my points? Let’s see, Bush sucks, blood for oil, Reagan sucked, Sandinistas were great even though they committed genocide and terrorism, ummm, oh yeah, mentioned Janeane Garofalo’s future Nobel Peace prize...”
Brian Becker, Co-Director, International Action Center; A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition Steering Committee: “Would the owner of the lime green VW micro-bus with the maroon quarter-panel and the large marijuana leaf decal in the back window please move your vehicle? You’re blocking my Mercedes and I have an appointment with my broker in 20 minutes.”
“This just in: Che Guevara is still dead.”
In last week’s Caption-A-Rama, we had some fun with the 36th anniversary of Cuban revolutionary icon Che Guevara’s death. I’m always happy to kick a genocidal Communist thug when he’s down, so here’s some more dead-Che-related material.
The female useful idiot is Mandy Li of Hong Kong, getting her CD and Che shirt autographed by Ibrahim Ferrer of the the band “Buena Vista Social Club. I don’t know if Ibrahim is a true useful idiot; somebody he loves might have a gun to their head right now back in Cuba. "Mandy, I hope you kill lots of Christians and other imperialist-running-dog threats to the revolution, just like Che would if he lived in China."
Pretty soon the department store employee dressed in the Che suit shows up and they all sit on his lap and tell him what they want for May Day.
As part of the anniversary commemoration, these students are about to release a dove to celebrate peace, or freedom or some other thing that has nothing to do with anything Che stood for.
Che’s daughter Aleida. Man, if he looked like that and she looks like that, what in the world did her mother look like? Aye carumba! She looks like the guy who played the older brother on The Wonder Years! A little historical tidbit for you; her brother's name is Vladimir, as in Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.
Miscellaneous idiocy
“You, from the New York Times–Pull my finger!”
Remember that commercial for the large doll for boys that came dressed in overalls and had all kinds of boy-related accessories? “My Buddy! My Buddy! Wherever I go, he goes! My Buddy!”
Nicaraguan students marched to demand more government spending on education. You have to admire their zeal for knowledge. “Teach us or we’ll kill you all!”
See, they’re even applying math skills to this homemade mortar project: “OK, 122 meters to the target, wind is bout 5 kph from the West...”
“This is for Chaucer and Milton you bastards! Eat lead!”
<“Wait, you can’t arrest me...I haven’t taken Intro to the Humanities yet!”
On second thought, I don’t even want to talk about this. Moving on...
Beyonce meets Prince Charles. From His Highness’ diary: “I looked into her eyes, and suddenly, all thoughts of Camilla rushed away and Little Charles came to full attention.”
These are members of pro-PRC groups in Hong Kong, cheering the first manned launch by the ChiComs. Humans of any type cheering a ChiCom launch is like dogs cheering for the Soviets putting Laika on a rocket and shootingher into orbit to her certain death.
“If we can just launch a Chinese guy into space every two seconds, well have our population problem solved, baby!”
Indian “rationalists” have protested the beatification of Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa didn’t believe in miracles? Yeah right, and Jimmy Carter never grew peanuts.
Mecca Cola was marketed so Muslims wouldn’t be supporting the War on Terror with their money by purchasing Coke and Pepsi. “Mecca Cola–Things go better with Jihad!”
A gay Anglican “hangs” himself to protest the Archbishop of Canterbury possibly thinking about taking a position consistent with Scripture for once. Perhaps the only public hanging ever performed to Judy Garland show tunes.
“Mecca Cola–Have Jihad and a smile!”
The only way this poor, dim loser is ever, EVER going to end up being really "hung." :)
After seeing this photo, country-pop chanteuse k.d. lang promptly committed suicide. :)
"In the wake of his abandonment by the cold, unfeeling marionette of his own creation, a crushed and desolate Gepetto turned towards radical social politics, in order to fill the black, cavernous void within... but it was no good... no good, dammit..." :)
"Yabba-Dabba-DOOOOOOO!" :)
"The Powerpuff Girls were the latest in the seemingly endless parade of entertainment celebrities to raise their politically naive voices in rote, DNC-scripted protest of President Bush and his foreign policy, earlier this morning..." :)
"In his twilight years, an aged and repulsive Pillsbury Doughboy gave in more and more frequently to his appalling exhibitionist urges..." :)
I'd like to bomb the jewish infidels home
And kill all the non-believers
Grow olive trees and honey bees
And put women in burkas and make them marry in threes.
Chorus:
I'd like to teach the world to kneel
And kill them if they don't
I'd like to buy the world a Mecca Coke
And Kill them if they wont
That's the Allah way.
"You have take-out orda for numba two with egg-rorr on side, prease?"
"Goes great with Rachel Brand CorrieCakes! MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" :)
Laugh out loud funny. That one's a classic.
"I'm...too sexy for this shirt...too sexy for this shirt..."
"What a coincidence! My name is spelled 'Raymond Luxury-Yacht,' but pronounced 'Throatwarbler-Mangrove,' too!"
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