Posted on 10/13/2003 12:53:30 PM PDT by 4mycountry
I got this stuff in emails... hope you enjoy!
+++++++++++
My Aunt died this past January. Citibank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00 and now was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following phone call to Citibank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you--the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: "(stammer)Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure."( Fax number is given )
(After they get the fax. )
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death."
Me: "Oh..."
Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I suppose...don't really think she will care."
Citibank: '"Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given.
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"
+++++++++
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French, is feminine-"la maison." "Pencil" in French, is masculine-"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriatelyenough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine of a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3.They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
+++++++++++
IDIOT SIGHTING #1
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.
When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?"
I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working.
He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?)
IDIOT SIGHTING #2
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING #3
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING #4
When my spouce and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
Now don't you feel better?
++++++
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
++++++
"What would you do Without FR?????
How would You Feel without FR??? Suppose one day you tried to log on and Free Republic wasn’t there?
Where would you get your up to the minute news? How about the live threads as things are happening?
How would you know about the latest Demorat scams, anti-second amendment schemes and all the other liberal, anti-American ploys that are tried every single day?
Insight into world affairs, brilliant wit, sharp retorts, instant information gratification are a few of the things that make FR so vital.
How would you keep on top of things without FR?
How would you know who to contact to complain about the lying politicians, Media Bias, Hollyweirds latest mouth off, sponsors of these idiots, company policies that are unfair and all the other things we need to know to counteract the liberal mindset and the evil plans of liberals?
How would you be part of a Freep?
What would you do without FR????
Freedom isn’t free.
If you enjoy the site and find it a place of like minded Americans to sound off, to get together, to fight back, to have your voice heard and make a difference, PLEASE CONTRIBUTE NOW! Jim can’t do this alone.
The liberals are sure we won’t be able to keep FR up & running. Prove them wrong. Show them we are indeed united Freepers.
Whether it is $5.00, $50.00 or more, it all adds up. Please send a donation now to Free Republic."
Two doctor's opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town fathers were not too happy with the sign and they proposed: "Hysterias and Posteriors." The doctors didn't find it acceptable, and suggested: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." The townsfolk didn't like that either and countered with: "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again, by now the story was in the papers and suggestions began rolling in: "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives," "Minds and Behinds," "Lost Souls and A$$holes", "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Queers and Rears," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," "Loons and Moons." None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on:
BTW, Al Gore carried this town overwhelmingly in the '00 elections.
Well...actually, yes. I don't have a land-line. Guess this joke was created before cable internet access.
Thanks for the jokes, they always make me smile.
:-)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.