Hey Joe, Pass me a cold one will you, I am all worn out from all the work this week!
Hi Joe. Make mine an irish coffee with brandy, and a Montecristo No. 2.
Things are really crazy here in Kalifornia. Those stories about Arnold are so preposterous it makes me shudder.
The radlib anti-smoking Nazis are going back 30 years in his past to find whatever dirt they can, and then the radical dominant media runs with it ... front page stories here in Kalifornia.
Of course, this is all Gray Out Davis has got. He can't run on his record which is a disaster. And, that MEChA supporter Democrat Bustamante ... well he would be even worse.
So, just before the election, the DemocRATs hammer the public with their soul-mates in the media to smear a good person. It has been done before. And, it will be done again.
But, you do remember Bill Clinton? Having sex in the oval office. Accused of raping at least one woman. Lying about it to the American People, his cabinet, a Federal Judge. Etc. But, he is a radlib who did his best to give us cigar smokers a bad name. And, radlibs are allowed to get away with it.
Wait for more Clinton to hit the fan against Arnold in the next day or two.
Now, to lighten things up a little, here are a couple of jokes. And, some useful information.
--------------------------
The Talking Parror
Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bull dog, he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
When the repair man arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest bull dog he has ever seen. But just as Mrs. Davidson had said, the dog just lies there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business. The parrot, however, drove the repairman nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike."
------------------------------
1) The following is a true story.
2) For heaven's sake, don't ever try this with highly distilled spirits like brandy.
----
http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,7436338%5E13762,00.html
Beer saves man's life
By Jason Bartlett and Vanessa McCausland October 2, 2003
WHEN Scott Chippindale saw a youth trapped in the wreck of a burning van, he knew he had to act.
He had no water but he did have a six-pack of beer – which he used to douse the trapped driver's body.
His actions – a rare case of alcohol doing some good on our roads – may well have saved the driver's life.
Mr Chippindale, 27, was headed home with his brother Mark and his son Oscar, 7, to St Hubert's Island on the Central Coast on Tuesday night when they saw the crash scene on Maitland Bay Drive, Ettalong.
The trapped teenager was screaming in pain in the wreck of his Tarago, with its rear engulfed in flames.
They grabbed the six-pack of Victoria Bitter they had intended to share after a day's work and sprayed beer all over the trapped 18-year-old.
"We had no other choice, there was no water, we just grabbed it and poured it on him but the flames kept coming back," Mark Chippindale said.
Police arrived shortly after and, armed with fire extinguishers, kept the flames under control until the fire brigade arrived.
All four officers, who suffered smoke inhalation, minor burns and abrasions, will be recommended for a Commissioner's Commendation.
"To save a man's life – if my career ended tomorrow I would walk away a happy person," Probationary Constable Stacey Binskin said.
The trapped driver was taken to Gosford Hospital suffering fractures and burns to his legs.
Three other occupants of the van and the 20-year-old driver of the other car escaped with minor injuries.
The Daily Telegraph
-------------------------------
English, the old fashioned way
When this site opens, press on play even if the screen indicates it still is loading.
This is learning proper English the old fashioned way.
It is a complete and thorough analysis of the word "Fu*k." Hence don't send it on to everyone. Just a select few who, hopefully, won't be offended.
Click on the website and take care with the volume on your machine!
http://www.aestheticdesigns.net/funny/properenglish.html
---------------------------------
Hammer, A Nail & A Vision..
This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those useless sons-a-bitches at Home Depot ever bring us any f *** ing drywall that's worth a shit!"
KINDA BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE, DOESN'T IT?
---------------------------------
The bell ringer
After the hunchback Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new cathedral bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and so he went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "But you have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo even though it was likely the man would have black eyes for most of his tenure. .
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "....but his face sure rings a bell." .
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .!! .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
( . . . Wait for it . . . ) . . . . . . .
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
(. . . It's worth it. . . ) . . . . . .
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
. . . He's a dead ringer for his brother."
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
My wife and I walked into the bank today to get a mortgage. Unfortunately, we realized early on we were dealing with the world's dumbest banker.
How dumb was she?
When I told her I was there for a loan, she said, "No, there's more than one of you!"
rimshot
Thank you, thank you, I'll be at the Palace all week, except for the days that end in 'y.' Thanks so much.
I was in Fla on the coast on a 4.5 day drunk. I smoked a lot too.
