Pity Madonna, career on the slide, betrayed by a kiss

The Telegraph (U.K.) ^ | 08/30/03 | Sam Leith

[Pokey78]

The utterly contrived, lingering kisses with which Madonna chose to draw the cameras at the MTV Awards show that she is desperate to revive our waning interest, writes Sam Leith

These were smackers smacking of desperation. What was Madonna's last single? No, I can't remember either.

Did you see her film? No. Best not. Do you give a monkey's about her love of English tweeds and her conversion to clay-pigeon shooting? Do you hell.

	Britney and Madonna kiss for the cameras as Christina looks on

The problem is, we have lost interest in Madonna. But Madonna has not lost interest in our interest. Hence the lingering, sexy, utterly contrived kisses with which she chose to draw the cameras at the MTV Awards.

We can assume safely that this was pre-arranged. Madonna is too fly by far to risk, in front of an audience of millions, having the younger, prettier Britney Spears grab her by the shoulders and push her away.

The question is, however, whether both Britney and Christina Aguilera knew that she had come to an arrangement with the other one. My money is on not.

The headlines that this gap-toothed, career-on-the-slide, ageing pop legend had in mind will have been "Madonna in sexy snogfest", not "Madonna anoints chosen successor - and it's Britney!"

In snogging them both, she confuses matters. Britney and Christina, when they were on the way up seven or eight years ago, were rivals.

Now they have both been superseded by Beyonce Knowles. So they are vulnerable to getting involved in this sort of silliness - but too foolish to hold out for exclusivity. Madonna got her headlines.

I worry for her, however. Seldom is the contrived public snog a prelude to good times. Remember Piers Merchant? The unappealing Tory MP, caught bang to rights, attempted to brazen it out by allowing himself to be photographed apparently fishing a bit of food out of Mrs Merchant's dentures with his tongue.

He was swept from office on a tidal wave of public disgust.

A couple of years ago, the comedienne Caroline Aherne went through a phase of being photographed snogging woman friends in nightclubs. There was great tabloid excitement. Rehab and My Booze Hell followed.

Lord Archer's attempt to kiss his wife on his release from jail, she not apparently being in on the plan, was far more humiliating than it would have been had he simply shaken her by the hand.

So pity Madonna, betrayed by a kiss.

[L.N. Smithee]

I'm sure there is a porn site for just that! lol

Definitely. There's a porn site for everything. I still remember the chill I got the first time I saw the list of channels in IRC. Who thought there were enough (fill in the blank) freaks to fill a chat room?

That's the blessing and the curse of the Internet -- whereas before, you may have lived the rest of your life with appreciation for something or someone that you would never have the opportunity to discuss with anyone, now you are able to find just about everyone in the entire world who feels the same way.

In many cases, those people are better left unfound and lonely.

[Mike-o-Matic]

   I think there's two or three guys in Ohio she hasn't slept with....

I can guarantee you there's at least one in Wisconsin too.... ME!!!! THANK YOU, GOD!!

[LibKill]

Britney, don't put that in your mouth! You don't know where it's been!

Indeed. I'm older than 'madonna' and I wouldn't touch her with a fork.

[Poohbah]

That's the blessing and the curse of the Internet -- whereas before, you may have lived the rest of your life with appreciation for something or someone that you would never have the opportunity to discuss with anyone, now you are able to find just about everyone in the entire world who feels the same way.

When you enter in a google search for "Women having sex with flaming goats," you will get 2,387,192 hits unless you specify the exact breed of the goats.

[Fraulein]

Years ago Madonna pursued Sharon Stone. Madonna thought Stone was hot, and tried to make arrangements to meet her, and said in the press that she wanted to kiss her. Stone was not at all interested and actually turned down Madonna.

[freebilly]

LOL! Her kootchie has the same slogan as McDonald's.

Yes..., but does she have a drive-through...?

[Paul Atreides]

Surely, you jest! ;-)

[Poohbah]

I don't think his name's Shirley.

[L.N. Smithee]

Is it just me or am I the only one who doesn't care why it was done, just as long as it was done...I didn't see it live, but the pictures seem cool enough.

Nah, you can't be the only one. But I am guessing you are the only currently posting on this thread with his pants in the classic Clinton position.

[Paul Atreides]

How desperate was Guy Ritchie for a wife, that he had to marry everyone else's leftovers?

[Sofa King]

It wasn't even that good of a kiss....

[Paul Atreides]

And, typing with one hand.

[mseltzer]

teen girl who wants to french kiss her mom's bridge partners

Isn't it called a freedom kiss?

[L.N. Smithee]

What are "flaming" goats? I live in Sin Freaksicko...I would think "flaming" goats would have no interest in women.

[Poohbah]

"Flaming goats" = goats undergoing combustion.

[Porterville]

Crazier than Cher or Babs...

[Orangedog]

I've said it before, I'll say it again...ignore that old whore and she'll fade away like a bad fart.

[freebilly]

Indeed. I'm older than 'madonna' and I wouldn't touch her with a fork.

Check list for date with Madonna:

Penicillin
Herpacine
Viramune
2% Lysol Solution
Full Body Condom
2x4 and rope-- to prevent falling in....

[ChadGore]

"My mommy kisses strange women for money"

deplorable.

[freebilly]

Flare gun-- in case you fall in....