Posted on 08/14/2003 12:43:34 PM PDT by cuz_it_aint_their_money
Well ping-ees, it’s that time again!
Mark Burnett Productions has once again permitted 16 media whores to ply their trade just to bring us a few hours of blissful enjoyment. So without further ado, here is what your intrepid Captain Cuz has come up with so far.
During the final show of Survivor 6: The Amazon, Jeff Probst provided the following voice over for the first Survivor 7: Pearl Island Promo:
This Fall, 16 new Survivors journey off the coast of Panama, to a land steeped in a bloody history of piracy.
A hidden chain of more than a hundred tropical islands, located in the blue-green waters of Central America. These are the PEARL ISLANDS. It is a place of ancient riches, with a turbulent history of looting and plundering. The ruins of Spanish forts and sunken ships are monuments to a violent and infamous past, where the deeds of pirates like Drake and Morgan are legendary.
In these Panamanian waters lurk some of the most exotic and dangerous marine animals anywhere in the Pacific Ocean. Schools of sharks, sting rays, dolphins and sea turtles thrive in a spectacular world beneath the sea.
And our Survivors will begin their adventure during the migration of the humpback whale. For the first time, each tribe will have its own island and the marooning will be unlike anything experienced by the previous Survivors.
Who will outwit, outplay and outlast all the others to become the sole Survivor? Find out this Fall as the adventure continues in the Pearl Islands.
Well, you just knew that with all the Survivor Junkies out there in Webland, it wouldn’t be long before someone came up with some pictures about the Pearl Islands, and here are a few I have selected from the many out there in cyberspace: Photos courtesy of claycritters.com
Tribal Council view from right rear
Tribal Council from left side.
Close up of Tribal Council. Stairs under construction leading from the beach to the fort.
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Here is a brief “History of the Pearl Islands” – (an excerpt from SurvivorFever.net)
These islands have a long history as they were the first islands to be explored by Spanish Conquistadors. In fact the most famous conquistador and the person who gave the Pacific Ocean its name, Balboa, lived on these islands after having crossed the Panamanian Isthmus. He chose the islands because the weather was cooler and the mosquitoes non-existent.
After Balboa left, the islands were a center for pearl divers and the greatest of pearls, La Peregrina was found off their shores.
La Peregrina was given to Queen Mary Tudor by Philip the II of Spain in 1554; later the pearl ended up in the hands of Napoleon the III and today Elizabeth Taylor has the pearl in her possession. Richard Burton gave it to her as a Valentine's Day gift in 1969. Who knows maybe there are more such pearls to be found? In the 20th century the Pearl islands, especially Contadora were developed into vacation spots for Latin Americans and Europeans.
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Well intrepid ping-ees, that’s just about all Captain Cuz has for now.
The show will debut Thursday, September 18th, 2003 at 8 PM EDT.
And hopefully, the official Survivor Website will list the contestants sometime next week.
If so, I’ll be back next Thursday with the bios of the players.
Until then, feel free to post your own spoilers!
And remember, don’t take any wooden doubloons! Har Har Har!
P.S. Remember to Freepmail me if you want on or off the Survivor Ping List.
The Pirates Drake:
Burton, Christa, Jon, Michelle, Rupert, Sandra, Shawn, Trish
The Pirates Morgan:
Andrew, Darrah, Lillian, Osten, Ryan O., Ryan S., Tijuana
Gone t’ Davy Jones’ Locker:
Nicole
First off, a hearty welcome aboard t’ the following new pingees: denco, ksen, NYTexan, sweet_diane & YaYa123.
And an even heartier welcome back to our very own loverly Wench - PoisedWoman!
Now heave to ya swabbies! Shiver me timbers n’ strike the mainsail.
It’s time for Capt’n Cuz’s Survivor recap! Har! Har! Har!
Well Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst have once again proven that when it comes to Survivor you should expect the un-expected and never assume nothing!
The show opens with some of the best scenic shots yer’s truly has ever seen.
Breaching whales!
Threatening sharks!
Colorful schools o’ fish!
Moray eels’ with faces so ugly, even their own mother disowns em!
And finally, a Glorious three masted schooner under full sail!
AYE! Tis enough t’ give even the scurviest o’ Capt’n a lump in the gullet! Har! Har! Har!
Unfortunately, even this must end as the schooner drops anchor and Jeff Probst announces to the contestants that the game is on and the only thing they can keep is the clothes they are wearing!
ARRRGGGGHHHH! Over t’ side with ya me hearties! O’ n’ by the way, here be a hundred doubloons t’ buy what ya can n’ plunder what ya can’t over at yonder village! You’ll be get nothing else from me for the next 39 days, so buy –n- plunder wisely! Har! Har! Har!
One by one, Jeff splits the contestants into the two tribes, confiscates wallets, purses, passports, etc. and then instructs each tribe member to jump overboard.
Both tribes swim er, dog paddle, er, float, yeah, float to shore, make their way up the beach to the village, and set off to beg, barter, and plunder their supplies.
One tribe (the Morgans) scatters with no apparent organization or plan.
The other (the Drakes) have a secret weapon in the form of Sandra the bi-lingual Spanish speaking diva of bargain shoppers. This little lady is nobody’s fool. She is a “take no prisoners” one woman shopping machine, and after a few minutes (of camera time that is) she has her tribe loaded down with everything from chickens (both live and fully cooked/bar-b-qued with extra sauce), beans, foil, pots, pans, knives, forks, spoons, toothbrushes, fishing line and hooks, a fishing spear, a huge tarp, two machetes, and wine!
Meanwhile, another Drake tribe member, Rupert (aka “Blackbeard”, aka “Hagrid”), seizes an opportunity and quickly swipes all the Morgan tribe members’ shoes bartering them away for additional supplies. Justifying his actions with a “Pirates Pillage. Pirates Steal. Pirates take advantage. We are pirates, so we pirated!” The only thing missing from this vignette was a cutlass, an eyepatch, and a hearty “ARRRGGGGHHHHH!”
Yes, me hearties, Capt’n Cuz is gonna have to keep his good eye on this here scallywag! A Pirate after me own heart, if not me ship –n- crew! Har! Har! Har!
The Morgan tribe however, managed to buy/plunder, umm???? A pot! (Well, that’s all I saw! If anybody saw anything else, please let me know! OK!) In fact, they had money left over when they got to camp! Fat lot of good that’s gonna do them!
Fast forward to camp, the first night! The Morgan tribe has foolishly pitched their tent underneath a crumbling shale wall. (Hey Lillian, bet you wouldn’t let your scout troop do something this stupid!) In addition to getting pelted with falling rocks all night, the Morgans’ bed gets invaded by sand and hermit crabs. I tell ya, nothing wreaks a good nights sleep, than having a crab crawling up yer shorts and setting up camp in yer nether regions! No wonder they were all grumpy the next day.
Meanwhile, over at the Drake island, sleep was hard to come by for an entirely different reason. The Drakes got hammered on cheap Panamanian wine! And believe me, nothing is worse than an obnoxious, drunken, sorry excuse for a human being, who thinks he’s the next Jay Leno of the comedy circuit! Yes me maties, I speak of none other than Jon Dalton. Listen up Jeffy me bucko, I meant what I said when I requested this twit be preemptively booted before the show begins. If ya don’t listen ta me, I’ll have to loose the cannons of war on yer hide! Har! Har! Har!
Hey, if you don’t want to take my word for it, listed up to what Sandra had to say about this drunken sot!
"He talks too much crap, all night long, cursing. He thinks it's cute, but it isn't. It gets old." Ah yes, Sandra, me beauty, spoken like a true pirate!
Morning of day two breaks and finds our intrepid castaways over on Drake island working together like a true tribe should. Since their clothing leaves much to be desired, the Drakes decide to perform a little creative tailoring! Shawn cuts his slacks off at the knees to make them shorts. Sandra weaves herself a pair of sandals from twigs and leaves. Christa cuts her skirt in half and presents the bottom half to Rupert to replace his heavy, wet jeans. After a little (and I do mean LITTLE) reluctance, Rupert dons the skirt and announces, "It's done: I'm wearing a dress! And, I'm never gonna put them pants back on!"
ARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Davy Jones, King Neptune, and all the rest of the denizens of the deep just rolled over in their graves! Please, Jeff, for pities sake, give this poor man some shorts to wear! I beg of you!
Meanwhile, over on Morgan island, the dehydrated misfits finally decide to look at their map again, and SHAZAM! Lo and behold, right there is a spot labeled “Water Well” Gee, ya think this means that we might be able to get some water there? Careful, Lillian, your running the risk of being stripped of your title of Scout Leader fer crying out loud! I mean, first the lousy location for a tent, and now ya can’t even read a map correctly! What is this world coming to? I ask ya!
Day three dawns and the tribes met Jeff Probst for the first Immunity Challenge. He explains that the tribes need to push or pull a heavy cannon along a course, negotiating obstacles along the way. This will entail dismantling and re-assembling the cannons during the race. The first tribe to complete the course would win Immunity.
I’d like to take a moment here to enlighten you as to an agreement made by the Morgan Men. You see, at the village, Osten foolishly traded all his clothes for supplies, keeping only his boxer/briefs. He quickly found out that once they got wet, they wouldn’t stay up no matter how many times he pulled and tugged on them. Therefore, knowing full well that during the Immunity Challenge, he would probably loose them, in a show of solidarity (and in order to get naked without making it look too obvious that they WANTED to get naked), Andrew and Ryan O. agreed to remove their clothes as well.
Which brings us back to the race.
The race begins.
The Drakes take an early lead.
Osten’s undies get wet and start falling down.
He, Andrew and Ryan O. all “git naked” as Jeff announces: “"Osten, you are a first, my man. A totally nude Challenge!"
The Morgan’s fall behind and the folks over at SurvivorSkills.com capture perhaps the best video moment of all: 
I think that just about sums it up! Don’t you?
Anyway, back to the race.
The Drakes are ahead.
The Morgans are closing the gap.
The Morgans take the lead.
The Morgans get bogged down in the loose sandy beach just inches from the finish line.
The Drakes, in a thrilling finish, retake the lead to win the race and claim the Immunity Idol.
The Morgans are going to Tribal Council.
Rupert sums up the Drakes sentiments with: "When I turned around and saw them idiots bouncing around naked in the mud, in the muck, in the stickers and the thorns, it was hilarious."
Meanwhile, the Morgans have to decide which of them is getting booted at the first Tribal Council. After much back stabbing, lying and finger pointing, in typical Survivor fashion, Nicole Delma is the first to be booted out of the Pearl Islands.
Whew! Didn’t think I was gonna get so long winded! But what the heck, it was, after all a 90 minute show.
Anyway, without further pause, here be:
The official Survivor Website states:
ON THE NEXT SURVIVOR
“When one tribe wins the first Reward Challenge, they learn of a new twist: one member may visit the losing tribe's island to pillage and loot one item from their supplies!”
“A tribe is stunned when one Survivor confesses a desire to quit the game.”
“Rupert, Drake tribe's "Blackbeard," goes into a rage after learning that a tribemate has lost something crucial to Morgan's survival, but is determined to recover it at all costs.”
This quote is has undergone a transformation over the last week. The original quote was “Rupert, Morgan tribe’s “Blackbeard,” goes into a rage after learning that a tribemate has lost something crucial to Morgan’s survival, but is determined to recover it at all costs.” Seems as if the webmaster over at the CBS website can’t make up his/her mind which tribe Rupert is on.
“It's a desperate battle of mind and body for Immunity, where every last second will decide the winner in a photo finish you must see to believe.”
The general speculation out in webland has Ryan Shoulders as the whining crybaby that wants to quit! Hence the title of this episode – “To quit or not to quit.”
Also, web speculation has Drake winning the Reward Challenge and Hagrid, er Rupert raiding the Morgan camp.
Therefore, I, Capt’n Cuz, do hereby make me next proclamation:
The Reward Challenge be won by the Drake Tribe.
Blackbeard, er Rupert be the pillaging pirate what plunders the Morgan camp.
The Immunity Challenge also be won by the Drake Tribe.
The Morgan Tribe again be goin’ to Tribal Council.
And the second bootie be….
“WAH! WAH! This is too hard! I’m want my McDonald’s happy meal!"
Ryan Shoulders Har! Har! Har!
I’ll be back next week with me recap & picks.
So till then, enjoy the show and remember!
Keep yer powder dry,
yer cutlass razor sharp
and don’t take any wooden doubloons!
Har Har Har!
P.S. Remember to Freepmail me if you want on or off the Survivor Ping List.
Aha! Or something like that. The teams are definitely unequal in apparent potential. But on another Survivor, the bunch that looked like losers from the start ended up acing out the leaner, meaner, and smarter tribe.
PoisedWench
Drake is having a ball and actually has enough food thanks to Rupert's fishing.
Did you see the reward challange?
I don't even dislike them. (Although that could change) They are too pathetic to hate at the moment.
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