Who?s listening to this All-American jerk?

[left field]

I was flipping around the radio dial one afternoon when I heard a familiar voice. The last time I heard that voice was to the accompaniment of a leering grin and towels snapping in a locker room.

"Gotcha!" the voice had been saying. Snap! "Gotcha good, didn't I, queer?" Snap! "That'll teach you to mess with Mike."

Mike was the terror of my high school locker room. Snapping towels at young boys' private parts. Getting freshmen in a headlock and rubbing their faces in his armpits. Calling all the boys "queers!" and "wimps!" He was a class act then. Now he's the voice of America.

". . . another thing these limousine liberals who are perverting America want you to believe," he was telling his talk radio audience.

I remember Mike. I remember the time he dropped trou at the senior prom. I remember when he told the principal he was a "*#(@#)$ queer." I remember teachers shaking their heads and wondering what would become of him.

". . . the only thing that'll save this country is to take all the liberal perverts and drop trou right in their faces. That'll teach 'em to mess with ol' Mike."

Mike was an ugly guy. Weird hair that seemed to grow on all visible parts of his body. Acne to make you cringe. We always wondered if that mossy growth on his teeth made him so angry. Or was it his Dad? We only saw the old man once at a football game. He kept standing and screaming at the ref while his son looked embarrassed. Someone behind me actually said, "Poor Mike," and the rest of us laughed. But we wondered what would become of this simmering pot of testosterone with bad teeth.

We couldn't imagine that anyone outside of Mike's small circle of fellow losers would listen to him. His friends were guys in tight jeans and white T-shirts, guys who stood on street corners flipping the bird at passing cars and laughing hysterically. They all thought Mike was "The Dude." Everyone else thought he was a) psycho; b) creepy; c) pathetic, or d) all of the above.

There was Mike again, giving a wedgie to another hapless freshman. There he was sneaking out of the girl's bathroom with a grin on his ravaged face. There he was revving his Camaro and screeching past some VW, shouting "queer!" When would he grow up? Thank God we'd never have to see him again after high school.

Now Mike has millions of listeners nationwide. People tune in to hear him rant about liberals and "wimps" and immigrants and "other scum that are dragging this great nation down." Patriotism works in strange ways.

"... listen to me, America. I'm right and you know it. We gotta get all the @#*$&$ "

Listening to Mike, it all came back. The infantile comments. The snapping towels. The rage in its purest form. Why would anyone pay attention to him? I wondered. If my high school knew he was an All-American jerk, couldn't everyone else tell? Or has America become a giant high school, a cauldron of angst and anger, interested only in clothes, music, this week's big game, and who's sleeping with whom. "Attention students! The Army recruiter will be in the cafeteria at 3 p.m."

Maybe we were wrong about Mike. Or maybe we were wrong in choosing to grow up. Mike's success - his book is a best seller! - suggests that the future belongs to the perpetual adolescent, the one who can still muster that locker-room rage and that simple, soothing worldview in which everyone is either for or against you, all wimps and queers and liberals except on Mike's street corner.

Now I no longer wonder what became of Mike. I wonder what will become of American High. Snap!

[PA Engineer]

After reading your post I can understand why some species of animals eat their young.

[rattrap]

Please leave this one up, it's just so bad and so whiney, yet so funny all at once.

[Constitution Day]

[Admin Moderator]

psstttt...

Click the picture

[AxelPaulsenJr]

lol

[MWS]

Yes!

*bowing to the Mod*

Please don't pull this thread... let us Kitties have our fun for once!

[MWS]

Hmm... looks like it's still standing!

[dighton]

"It's not over until the fat kitty sings."

[Zavien Doombringer]

That's good, I haven't gotten full yet!

[MWS]

The mods leave one standing for a change and Viking Kitties aren't crawling all over it?

I'm very disappointed!

[AxelPaulsenJr]

Well it was fun for a while. But now it's time for this piece of sh*t to go.

[Zavien Doombringer]

Who disturbs my slumber?!!!

[Snowy]

LOL! *snort!* Just swallowed my coffee in time!

[Grampa Dave]

When I read this whining BS posted by the aids infected DUers home from college and using their Mommy's computer, it is obvious we have won.

They are in a complete state of shock and awe at what conservatives and GW have done to them since January 2001.

They are nothing but a pathetic pack of slithering diseased losers in life. If it wasn't for their parents's billfolds, they would be just memories for those few who care.

[Zavien Doombringer]

Nothing like a latte nasal enema in the morning, is there :)

[AxelPaulsenJr]

Right on the money, oh great one.

[Grampa Dave]

When your read the whining of the left wingers from the DNC to their senators/congressits/governors down to this inane post, there can be only one conclusion.

They are in total shock and awe! They know that they have lost it big time, and more big losses will happen in 2004.

[Jonah Hex]

"Left Field's account has been banned."

[Zavien Doombringer]

All I got out of this posting was pure blather, just taking up bandwidth. Michael Savage, who I think this guy is referring to, may be crass in a lot of his tactics, but He is telling the truth.

This person is writing as if he had first hand knowledge of Mike, that may well be, I really didn't care, I wasn't on the recieving end of the "towel snap", I was too goos at toewl fights to get any "wounds". The High School hazing still exists today as yesterday. That's life... Thanks Grandpa, you are, as always correct! (bows humbly in respect for the Elder Kitty)

[MWS]

Well, he can go, of course, but we should certainly stay to dance on his grave a little, if you know what I mean...

That's the Viking Kitty way!