You Knoe You're a Redneck if.....

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[annyokie]

Subject: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. 3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. 4. Your boat has not left the yard in 15 years. 5. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. 7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. 9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 11. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 13. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list. 14. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. 15. You've bathed with flea and tick soap. 16. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 17. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. 18. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 19. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 20. You have a rag for a gas cap. 21. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. 22. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 23. You can spit without opening your mouth. 24. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 25. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 26. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota. 27. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 28. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. 29. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 30. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler. 31. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 32. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. 33. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 34. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements. 35. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. 36. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?" 37. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. 38. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

[annyokie]

Redneck Alert: I'm not going to put these items in list form.

[annyokie]

Guess ya'll know I'm a redneck since I cain't spell for sh*t!

[Cagey]

Guess ya'll know I'm a redneck since I cain't spell for sh*t!

However, you may have added a new word to FreeVocab. Ya knoe what I mean, Vern? There is a hugh possibility that knoe could be the next series word here.

[Cagey]

Maybe some Reperation money could help with yer spelling learning

[annyokie]

This series. Could be hugh! LOL

[annyokie]

Thanks! I be learnin'! Great site. I'll send it to all my relatives!

[Cagey]

LOL! Well, when Jim Foxworthy fist started his routine I doubt he had any idea how big it would get. Nobody can laugh at themselves like we Americans do, with the exception of our cousins in the UK. They're pretty good at doing that too and if you've ever seen "Keeping Up Appearances" you'll know what I mean.

[annyokie]

That's the one with Mrs Bucket ("Bouquet") isn't it?

[NorseWood]

You know you are a redneck if . . . you use a leaf blower to clean out your living room, . . . you use more duct tape on the outside of your car than on the inside, . . . your best drinking glasses say "Ball" on the side.

[annyokie]

your best drinking glasses say "Ball" on the side.

Shoot, ours say Mason. ; )

[MEG33]

You have made an historic contribution to our FR lexicon!Which one is the Waterford and which the Fostoria?Ball vs Mason? I want to knoe!!

[annyokie]

LOL You're so cute. I need to make a make somewhere it may as well be here, who knoes?

[MEG33]

Thanks for a humor break!

[annyokie]

You're welcome!

[maxwell]

Awright, I only got 53% on the redneck test... Don't mah flat tires on the front porch count fer nothin'?!

[annyokie]

How many hounds do ya'll have under that porch? And is there a broken washer or refrigerator above them dogs?

(Bonus points if there are more than three dogs and more than one 'frig.)

[Aut Pax Aut Bellum]

Here's one I've been guilty of:
You trim tree branches with a shotgun.

[Mike Darancette]

You know you're a redneck when you are too drunk to go fishing.