Posted on 05/22/2003 6:52:44 AM PDT by cherry_bomb88
This is a new thread dedicated to conservative parents of children/teens "at risk".
I noticed in my FReeping that there are a lot of other conservative parents like me dealing with children or teens that are socially "at risk". Yes, there are other web sites out there dedicated to this, however they tend to be liberally/socialistically slanted. They have a whinning "poor pitful me" attitude. As conservatives, from talking with many of you, we take a different attitude and require our children to have that same attitude.
I FReep Mailed Jim Robinson to get his "blessing" on this thread. If you are die-hard anti-medication or don't believe these issues we face are real, please move along and don't come in here to chastize us or blame us or condem us. We have enough to deal with on a daily basis.
The purpose of this thread is for conservative parents (and other concerned parties such as friends,relatives, caregivers, educators, etc.) to have a place to come and share resources, information, ideas, and vent frustrations about the daily life we live with these children. It is also to encourage each other, not coddle. I have found that conservatives have a "we will overcome" attitude in dealing with this. We need to help each other not get discouraged and maintain this attitide.
Please feel free to stay and chat even if you are just "interested" in the subject and have no real personal experience with it. But, again, if this is something you disagree with, please do not stay just to stir up trouble.
What I don't want is you (or anyone else) attacking those of us that have been the "non medicated" route and have no other alternative.
Yes, there are MANY kids that are medicated without need, just as some diabetics can control it without insulin and solely on diet, same with some with high blood pressure, etc....as in all medical issues, it's a case of "how severe is it????"
HOWEVER there are some kids that cannot live a *normal* life without medication...even with structured discipline and love. I've been the non-medicated route, went there for 5 years. I've even thought lately, at times, that maybe the doctors are crazy and my daughter could go without meds. I've asked her what her preference is. Last year when we first started medication she would have given me a different answer...this year she said "mom, when I don't take them I feel out of control...either I can't get happy or I can't stop being angry". When I say angry, I mean to the point I don't care who you are, you could be "The Rock" and she'd look at you with this tenseness & rage that would scare the crap out of you. So, my hope is to help her learn to control herself & her diet & her life style so that eventually she can decrease her medications, however having seen what happens when she's off them for a couple days, I would doubt that she will ever be off them.
If you don't believe in meds, fine for you: especially if it works for *your* kids. But there are kids that not being medicated doesn't work for. Whether or not you choose to believe that is fine, as long as you don't take the hollyweird approach and try and impose your values & beliefs on others.
I wasn't trying to set anyone up....but I'm tired (as are many other conservatives in here) being told that because we BELIEVE in medication for our children after going the other route we must be liberal socialist commies. (and that's a quote of what I and others have been called...I've seen it). And we have been VICIOUSLY attacked without provocation for talking about meds in other news forums when a news item comes up we can relate to. That's what I am talking about...those "die-hards" that go around looking for parents who do medicate so they can just give them a piece of their mind and espout hate.
Bipolar is a MEDICAL condition...I hate that they call it a mental illness...it's caused by chemical imbalances the same as diabetes...so why is it ok for a diabetic to treat with medication, or a person with high blood pressure, but not a bipolar??????
There are other parents in here with kids with autism, turrets and things with which you've probably not dealt with because these kids would not be sent to the kind of home you speak of. They need medication to have some normalcy.
I welcome alternative treatment ideas that for many can minimize or do away with the need for medication...including diet, "holistic" treatments, etc. HOWEVER...what I don't welcome is anyone in here being "attacked" for their choice with their children. EVERY child you work with is different. And as many as you've seen, you must admit you've not seen them all. The very basis of freedom & conservatism is that the government (or anyone else for that matter) does NOT have the right to tell us what is best for us (including raising our children in the best manner we see fit...yes, obviously negating child abuse, etc).
So, you are very welcome to stay and help us with your experiences. Just don't get condescending with parents that do choose to medicate. It's an option, like all treatments...and in MANY cases, it's not an option. Respect for each other decisions without judging & *attacking* is my focus.
OK????? With that little diatribe....welcome to our forum.
Can you buy that over the counter at a pharmacy?
AMEN SISTA!!! I am the first to say DO NOT JUST MEDICATE...try other things first. But, I believe that if 5 years of diet, discipline, etc. are not helping and your child is getting worse with the depression, rage, anxiety and mania...well, there's a time and a place for all things.
It just PEEVES me off that the first thing some doctors say is "medicate". You're right, I'd venture to say about 50% of the ADD/ADHD's that are on medication do NOT need it.
. I saw what he was doing and told him where the cleaning supplies were so he could clean the tub when he was finished. He was shocked that it was expected of him, because "Mom always did it".
I have the same issue with my ex husband...he is just a *babysitter* and he tends to react, rather than act...and by the time he's ready to react, he OVER reacts....when the whole situation could have been headed off by a *little bit* of involved parenting.
When I pointed out that daughter wasn't paying attention because she already knew what was being taught, teacher responded that meds would make her easier to handle.
Was JUST having this conversation with my friend over the weekend. I have a *theory* and say what you want...but when these damn educators started moving the date of school entry from age 5 by Dec 1 to age 5 by Aug 1 (or Sep 1 depending on area) I believe the incidents of ADD/ADHD shot through the roof!!!! You have sooooooooooooooooo many kids now in schools that had to wait a FULL year to join in...and by that time everything is behind where they are. My daughter is an Oct 2, she was very bright at home and had to wait, she started doing bad in school around 1st grade and I couldn't understand it. I think they need to rethink that policy. I'd like to see a study on the correlation between late entry and add/adhd/learning problems. I'd bet it's higher on those kids with late b-days. They need to go middle of the road on that...if the b-day is after a certain date, but before say the end of the calendar year (12/31) then they should do tests and see and it should be on a per kid basis, not a general stereotype!
Ill go back to lurking now.
Oh please don't!!! You have some great input!!! The whole purpose here is different things work for different people and I think we can help each other with resources, ideas, etc. that can for some, decrease the needs for meds or get rid of it altogether.
Here's something for your son to find humor in:
Not trying to "set up" anyone to be anything...just myself, as well as others who've I've both invited and have gravitated here, have been harshly chastized, condemed and blamed (as well as criticized, screamed at and called names) on FR in the past for our choices. Just trying to warn those people they will not be tolerated here!
People can disagree without being called mean.
ABSOLUTELY!!!! Think tanks are full of disagreements...the sum of the whole is smarter than the individual. CONSTRUCTIVE debate & disagreements help to resolve problems around the world. I COMPLETELY welcome that in here. But I do not want ANY personal attacks...which is kinda the whole philosiphy of FR (however it happens all to often).
You may be trying to give yourself an out.
An out from what? LOL I have no problem with how I am raising my children and as far as anyone else's *opinion* on FR that doesn't know me...well, you know...I'll just say "opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one and they all stink" (not my original quote). I want a forum where people will NOT be afraid to speak out for fear of what you mentioned. It has happened to all of us. Not everyone disagrees as eloquently & in a completely *topical* (as opposed to personal) manner.
Anyhow, again, I welcome you to stay. It sounds like you have some experiences that could be greatly beneficial to us...and perhaps you could learn something from us as well ;o)
Although I do not personally have a disabled child, we do have close friends that do.
For this to come to me today is a bit ironic. We just took a four day vacation, and took my sons best friend along with us. They are both 13, so you can imagine some of the conversations my husband and I overheard :)
For my son's friend, Josh, this was the first time he had ever been out of the state, and this was his first real vacation. The reason for that is mainly because his 16 year old sister is totally disabled. She has severe Cerebral Palsy, and Josh and I were talking today about the day to day stuff. It made my heart swell with pride when he talked about his sister. He said "We don't know how much time we have with Jaime, so we make sure that everyday is special for her and us." He also went on to tell us how he just wants to cry when he hears others not realizing that she is a "real" person, and they tend to talk around her and never to her.
My son has thankfully had a chance to see how they treat Jaime and that makes me happy. We can't throw these children away.
God Bless You All.
Those young boy's words brought tears to my eyes. I spent a much needed break with my friend at her cabin on the lake this weekend whilst my ex husband took the kids. Up at the campground her cabin is at there are two downs syndrome kids there, one of them being her niece. They are the most delightful and wonderful people. I talked to the mom for quite awhile. Parents of special needs kids have courage & strength beyond belief. They are the most unselfish, gracious, understanding and kind people I have the pleasure of having spent time with. We should all be so kind.
Your son's friend is so very wise. Illness or not, none of us knows how much time we have left on this earth and I've long taught my daughters to enjoy life to the fullest and never part company with someone you care about while you are still upset or mad.
It sounds to me if your grandma was bipolar (periods of depression followed by periods of mania, etc). I'm not making a diagnosis, I'm not a doctor, LOL...just an observation from what you said. You are quite right that you are a product of genetics. My aunt was a manic depressant (what they now call bipolar) and I truly believe from his behavior my ex is an undiagnosed bipolar. So my daughter had the luck of the draw from genetics.
I agree about the medication. Our society still looks at things like bipolar and depression, and even autism and downs syndrome, etc. as "mental" illnesses....they are so ignorant to the facts that the problem stems from a physical ailment...a chemical imbalance, etc.
Risa...I went out and bought fish oil capsules tonight and I'm going to try that with my daughter....if anything can decrease the medication she's on, that's fantastic.
Mom...the anti meds people don't realize, at least in the case of my daughter, that something like lithium is a chemical that occurs naturally in your body, your kidneys produce it. Part of a bipolar's problem is their kidneys do not produce enough (hmmm, kinda like a diabetic needing insulin???? oh, but that's ok...that's diabetes).
I praise people who's family member (be it child, parent, grand parent) can be kept off of medication. Medications are not fun, they are expensive, they are a hassle. I spend (after insurance) $150 a month on medications. And a lot of the same on co-pays and deductibles for testing and such. What people need to understand is doctors (at least GOOD doctors) don't just throw people on meds,they put them on them and then monitor them to make sure they got it right....change them when necessary, etc. It's not a "ok, here's your medication...go live happily ever after" type of deal.
However, welcome and I"m so glad you are here.
Cat, I sooooooooooooo hear you.
It's why I just took my one opportunity in a month to go to my friend's cabin. Cheap (almost free, just took some food with) get-away. The 3 days away was a God send!
Do you have anyone that can relieve you and give you a break even for an overnight? Even if you do a cheap camping out trip just so you can get away and relax. Maybe at your church???? Heck, if I lived closer I'd help you out!
This month has been the month from H*E*L*L for me. By the end of last week I was at a point where all I could do was cry. I totally feel for you. I think most of us have been there, if we aren't still there.
Ours is not an easy row to hoe...but God entrusted it with us, so that must mean we can do it. Right?
Oh hell, y'all don't want or need my diatribe on the public schools.
We don't mind...I bet we ALL have quite a few of our own...heck, we could probably make this into the "bash the public school system" thread. LOL
Before anyone blindly agrees to meds, try diet and real exercise. When meds are necessary, love your children; they're already set apart from the norm.
THAT is a very true statement. I think it's like a *crazy* circle (no pun intended)...they are different already, they become depressed, they take medications, they are more different because of the medications so they become more depressed and then they start all over in that cycle.
My daughter this past bought of depression was in the hospital day/group program for 3 weeks..while she was gone some of her *friends* started a rumor that she was pregnant and out having an abortion. 1) She's only 13 (and no I'm not naive, I know that happens) 2) Even if that WAS the case, she'd not have an abortion, she'd be made to have it and give it up for adoption 3) Say on some off chance where I went totally liberally mental and let her have an abortion, are these kids spreading these rumors TOTALLY stupid...she could have had an abortion on Friday and been back at school on Monday, not out for 3 weeks!!!! So, she tried to go back to school 2 weeks ago and I was in talking to her principal trying to get things worked out, disspell some of the rumors, talk about her future educational goals and well, the rumors and whispers and people looking and pointing became to much and she booked out of school and the cops went and got her (I don't chase her down when she gets enraged). So for those of you who think *tough love*, believe me, there's a LARGE amount of that mixed in with meds in my house....but to me, *tough love* does not mean beating your kid into compliance. It means being prepared to do whatever necessary to control your child outside of violence (including calling the police, etc.).
Obviously regular school was not going to be an option for her any longer...she's now in a lockdown academy that does have some therapy. She needs the extra discipline and structure. And she's happy she is going there. She said at least there she fits in. Sad, huh??? As if these kids didn't have enough the other so-called normal kids have to ostracize them to the point where they feel like they can't belong ever.
Sad thing is, she (my older daughter) is bright, athletic, sweet, funny, creative, artistic, expressive and extremely wonderful. I often have told the doc's that I believe her problems stem from the fact that she has a high EQ (emotional quotiant)...she picks up on people's emotions..."reads" them...and she's too young to know how to deal with all the data she's getting.
My younger daughter is absolutely wonderful as well..and thank GOD has no problems, other than needing to fight for attention because so much of it goes to my older one. I spend a lot of time trying to give her some one on one. (oh, and my younger one is a slob...normal for a teen, but sometimes I say that's why my older daughter's OCD is a blessing from heaven...she helps me keep my house spotless and in oder).
Children are wonderful and need to be loved, and I love mine every second...and tell them that too.
There's the information as to what Risa was talking about, if anyone is interested in participating in the study. But you have to be over 18 (or your child does).
For parents with OCD kids (obsessive compulsive disorder) and phobic disorders...there is another study... they are testing the use of St. John's Wart (an herb) to treat this.
And for anyone wondering about other illness testing...this site has testing for everything from heart disease, to asthma. It's a great resource if you are into being a guinea pig (or getting progressive treatment free...that's how I prefer to look at it). Or if you just want to see what's up & coming in possible treatments. Clinicaltrials.gov
I'm on a *mission* right now...to pull up some info on some alternative treatments to see what's out there for those that want to try. Sometimes it works. I just added fish oil capsules to my daughter's diet and I"m going to add st. john's wart...at the very least it can't hurt...and she's all for it, she said "mom, if I can take the vitamins & minerals and reduce or eliminate my meds and still feel good, that's awesome. Smart kid!!!
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