"Chat" CONSERVATIVE PARENTS (AND CONCERNED PARTIES)OF PARENTS OF "AT RISK" CHILDREN

05/22/2003 | cherry_bomb88

[cherry_bomb88]

This is a new thread dedicated to conservative parents of children/teens "at risk".

I noticed in my FReeping that there are a lot of other conservative parents like me dealing with children or teens that are socially "at risk". Yes, there are other web sites out there dedicated to this, however they tend to be liberally/socialistically slanted. They have a whinning "poor pitful me" attitude. As conservatives, from talking with many of you, we take a different attitude and require our children to have that same attitude.

I FReep Mailed Jim Robinson to get his "blessing" on this thread. If you are die-hard anti-medication or don't believe these issues we face are real, please move along and don't come in here to chastize us or blame us or condem us. We have enough to deal with on a daily basis.

The purpose of this thread is for conservative parents (and other concerned parties such as friends,relatives, caregivers, educators, etc.) to have a place to come and share resources, information, ideas, and vent frustrations about the daily life we live with these children. It is also to encourage each other, not coddle. I have found that conservatives have a "we will overcome" attitude in dealing with this. We need to help each other not get discouraged and maintain this attitide.

Please feel free to stay and chat even if you are just "interested" in the subject and have no real personal experience with it. But, again, if this is something you disagree with, please do not stay just to stir up trouble.

[andysandmikesmom]

A great story, and as you warned a two tissue story...thanks so much for posting it...these true life, uplifting stories, do much to lighten the load of the usual sad and bad stories we hear on the news....

[ChemistCat]

Would you be so kind as to ping everybody to read this thread?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/919936/posts?page=1

I know if I try to do it as tired as I am, I'll mess it up and leave someone out.

Golf Links Bush, Boy [Jeb shares his views, and golf, with autistic teen]

(he's not a teenager--he's 11, my son's age! and sounds so much like my boy--though my son's areas of interest are different, and he can cope with numbers and isn't on meds at the moment.)

[cherry_bomb88]

Done! Thanks so much, that was a great story.

[cherry_bomb88]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/920889/posts?page=61 Major bump to the above thread....a FRiend of mine could use some of our insight, guys...you know many of us have dealt with similiar issues (or that kind of stress)

And tame, please join us over here!

[cherry_bomb88]

grrrrrrrrrrr...lemme try that again:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/920889/posts?page=61

"Preview" is our friend!

[oceanperch]

Bump I was just wondering about you and your ping in the last hour!

[cherry_bomb88]

Thanks...I've been out of town for a couple days...I'm fotunate to have a friend that has a place on a lake about 2 hours from me and she lets me and my kids come up some weekends to get away. It's low cost...just take groceries, which we'd need at home...and it gives us a break

[cherry_bomb88]

A little story for today....

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home from the war. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called Friendship That dwells in the heart You don't know how it happens Or when it gets started But you know the special lift It always brings And you realize that Friendship Is God's most precious gift! Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.

Lest we forget how easy it is to be absorbed in the physical and not the heart & soul of a person

[cherry_bomb88]

I need some opinions from all y'all....

I am "torn" on whether I "buy into" this rule that my daughter's adolescent day hospital program has/had:

They advise the kids that they cannot contact each other outside of group, even once they have completed the program.

Here's why I personally have problems with that; 1) The kids can relate to each other and often times form really great bonds (yes, I understand the "co-dependent" issues too) 2) They trust each other to accept them for who they are and not criticize them or divulge their secrets because they each know equally the inner secrets they hold 3) They know the other person can "understand" them.

I know the therapists concerns are if they go to the other person, they won't go to them...but I think that's poppycock.

Recent case example, a friend from my daughter's group who lives RIGHT by us ran away from home (unbeknownst to me) and ended up at my house. I woke up in the morning and she was here. Long story...but in the end, it was best, she had a place to go, I made sure the parents knew she was safe and she was here and they were glad she had somewhere to go with a loving family and one that could relate to her issues and give her a "safe haven" for a day or so while things cooled down.

Had this young girl not had a place to go where she felt people would understand, she might have turned to the streets, guys, etc.

What do you all think about this "rule" therapists like to impose?????

[drstevej]

This rule certainly would be a hedge against lawsuits later if additional contact led to suicide or illegal behavior.

Just a thought.

[cherry_bomb88]

true, I have thought along those lines. However, that could be handled with a "disclaimer" not a "rule" about no fratanization with fellow patients outside of the program.

[drstevej]

I'm not a lawyer so I'm not sure if a disclaimer would be as strong as a clear policy. I suspect there are philosophical reasons based upon perceived downside to the patient.

[cherry_bomb88]

That, and there's the positive/negative influence thing...

Kids that are "prone" to do wrong, should not have peer influences from other kids that are "prone" to do wrong.

[honeygrl]

Sounds like it should be a suggestion rather than a rule. Some kids get more bold when they have a "partner in crime" and get into more trouble together than they would alone. Others would probably benefit from having a friend for support that knows what they are going through and identifies. Expecting a teen to come to an adult with all their problems is expecting too much because it's not going to happen. Ultimately, it's your child and you are the one deciding who she can and cannot hang out with. Personally, I think talking to a friend or the parent she is closest to is better than a therapist to start with and then take it to the therapist if it's a bigger problem than you could handle. You have to be careful with therapists. Some of them would rather the child talk to them before talking to you because they get more money that way. My best friend went to a therapist once a week through her teen years (in fact her dad spent her entire trust fund left to her from her deceased mother on this therapist) and judging from her actions as she got older it never helped her and may have even hurt her relationship with her dad. She's 25 now and still very much dislikes her dad. Of course, he did a lot to desearve that but the therapist didn't help matters any.

[ChemistCat]

I think it's a violation of the kids' Constitutional rights and your rights as a parent, and deserves only to be ignored!

Kids need friends. Adults have no right to sever them from friends who do not harm them. (Friends who harm them in any way--mentally, emotionally, morally--are a different story.)

[ChemistCat]

And that's a parent's call, once the kid is out of the hospital anyway.

[cherry_bomb88]

I agree, I don't let the therapist take the place of me. My daughter and I talk. It's very healthy.

There are deeper issues with her friend and I feel really bad for her, but obviously I'm not prevy to discussing them here. I have mixed feelings, but I see it from the outside. I'd hate anyone to judge my family life from a few incidents.

[cherry_bomb88]

Right, I agree. They need to be able to be good influences on each other, or the whole scenario changes.

[gracie1]

Once she leaves the program, I don't see how they can enforce this rule. It is up to you to monitor her friendships and you, not the program who should set the limits. Now, I would welcome input, such as letting me know that a paticular kid is a bad news, but you should have the final say. As it is, you have the final responsibility anyway.

My son brought a friend home in the same manner you described. He stayed for a few months until things settled down at home. I would hope that if my son ran away, there would be a neutral cooling off place he could go to where he was safe.

[honeygrl]

I'm going to assume she's a teen from what you've said so far (correct me please if I'm wrong.) Most teens get into some degree of trouble before high school is over and if they don't they usually make up for it in college. I was total hell at 16 but I grew out of it and so will she and likely her friend too. I had realized by 18yrs old that it just wasn't worth the trouble I was getting into to do the stuff I wanted so I calmed down quite a bit. I got married at 19 and matured very quickly after that. Teens have been getting into trouble since the beginning of time I'm sure and will always try to get away with stuff that seem irrational to us adults. I don't have a teen myself so I am very far from an expert on this but I remember being 16 very vividly. I grew up and so did all my partners in crime (what I called my friends.) Is she old enough to get a job? Jobs give them something useful to do while banking a little money for stuff they like. The job I got when I turned 17 was the best thing in the world for me. Just make sure she's never afraid to turn to you when she needs you and she WILL grow up eventually.If her and her friend are very close then she will without a doubt resent you if the friend is taken away. I had my best friend taken from me at 16 when I got into so much trouble. Wasn't allow to see her again until after I got married. It put a huge wall between me and anyone who agreed with her being blocked from me. We are still best friends to this day and we both grew out of the raising hell stage. You sound like you are being very good with whatever is going on with her and her friend. Just keep the communication going so you know what's going on and can step in when you need to. If she's not afraid to tell you anything then you'll be able to help her make the right decisions. This is all just my opinion though.. I am definitely not trying to tell you what to do or how to parent. It's just what I learned from my experience as a hellish teen myself. You sound like you are doing a very good job and need a day at the spa to have a little break from the worries.