[sonsofliberty2000]

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[sonsofliberty2000]

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[sonsofliberty2000]

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[sonsofliberty2000]

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[Mr_Magoo]

From a Marine in Bosnia

A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp
Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer walked up to
me in the PX, and told me he thought we (Americans)
were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a
war. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be
able to count on the support of France.

I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had
come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II,
Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and
jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near
future anyway. That is why France is a third-rate
military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of
faggots for soldiers.

I additionally told him that America, being a nation
of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it
had to do, and France's support was only for show
anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would
shoulder 85% of the burden, as evidenced by the fact
that the French officer was shopping in the American
PX, and not the other way around.

He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told
him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in
front of the Burger King and beat his ass in front of
the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus
demonstrating that even the smallest American had more
fight in him than the average Frenchman.

He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a
huff. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Mary Beth Johnson
LtCol, USM

[July 4th]

From a friend via e-mail:

What's become of the world? A white guy is the best rapper, a black guy is the best golfer, and Germany doesn't want to go to war!

[Mr_Magoo]

To: TECH SUPPORT

Subject PROBLEMS WITH UPGRADE

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?!?

Thanks, Joe

---

From: TECH SUPPORT

To: JOE

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case, avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support.

[uglybiker]

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned .

[sonsofliberty2000]

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