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From a Marine in Bosnia

A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp
Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer walked up to
me in the PX, and told me he thought we (Americans)
were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a
war. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be
able to count on the support of France.

I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had
come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II,
Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and
jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near
future anyway. That is why France is a third-rate
military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of
faggots for soldiers.

I additionally told him that America, being a nation
of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it
had to do, and France's support was only for show
anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would
shoulder 85% of the burden, as evidenced by the fact
that the French officer was shopping in the American
PX, and not the other way around.

He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told
him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in
front of the Burger King and beat his ass in front of
the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus
demonstrating that even the smallest American had more
fight in him than the average Frenchman.

He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a
huff. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Mary Beth Johnson
LtCol, USM

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?