[sonsofliberty2000]

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

[Mr_Magoo]

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a
felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.


Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.


Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.


Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have
a locker room in the police station - a room where you change
your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.


Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.


Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.


Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a
room you share with those same officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.