[Mr_Magoo]

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a
felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.


Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.


Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.


Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have
a locker room in the police station - a room where you change
your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.


Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.


Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.


Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a
room you share with those same officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

[sonsofliberty2000]

* The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullstuff before.
* Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
* Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
* A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
* It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
* If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
* The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
* The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
* Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
* Clothes make the man.... Naked people have little or no influence on society.
* Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
* Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed