Man Sues Tom Ridge Over Ductape to Privates...(A MUST READ!!!!)

Corona Times | Feb. 15 2003 | Unknown

[Blue Scourge]

Man Sues Tom Ridge Over Duct Tape Fears

Corona, CA - Tom Ridge's advice to Americans to stock up on duct tape and plastic has sparked a lawsuit which has been filed against him, the Department of Homeland Security and President George W. Bush.

Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona, California, has filed a lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual dysfunction after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them from a biological attack.

"After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to stock up on duct tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought $100 worth of duct tape to protect myself", Bosell said. "When I got home, I taped up my windows and doors. After I did that I realized if survivors like myself are going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack, we have to protect our privates as well."

Bosell claimed in his lawsuit he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape as test of "Homeland Security". When he tried to remove the tape, Bosell injured himself when the tape began peeling off skin and body hair. After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to the hospital where the doctors and nurses laughed at him.

"I told the doctors and nurses at the hospital if they laughed, I would file a lawsuit against them and the hospital. They laughed anyways and I now have another lawsuit pending" Bosell said with tears streaming down his face. "They went out their way to make me look like a fool. Once I saw the doctors scalpel go toward my privates, I totally lost it and blacked out".

Also named in the lawsuit is the President of the United States, George W. Bush. "President Bush is just as liable for injury to my reproductive future because he hired Mr. Ridge to run the Department of Homeland Security and Mr. Ridge gave the nation bad advice. They also make me look like a fool." Bosell sobbed.

The Department of Homeland Security and the Bush Administration have no comment on Mr. Bosell's lawsuit.

Corona times,

[Xenalyte]

My bad - shoulda read the story before I pinged y'all. Bosell is a Phil Hendrie character.

[Willie Green]

It's the Socialist Republic of California! This guy will be awarded millions if it makes it to the jury.

(((sigh)))

And The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals will probably rule in his favor.

[Grampa Dave]

They just recently closed the Capitol when some whacko duct taped himself to the outside walls. (link)

"Nothing on the wires yet, but about 20 minutes ago, they announced protestors, one in particular got rowdy, police, FBI, closed the Capitol, so no one can get in or out. Some guy was freaking and ducttaped himself."

[Blue Scourge]

hey mhking...add me to that ping list please....

[babylonian]

Poor guy. Ridge said "duct tape". This guy thought he said "d**k tape".

[Poohbah]

Bossell is a Phil Hendrie character.

You have to listen to the Phil Hendrie Show sometime. You will ROTFLYAOPYPASTC(IYHA).

[valleygal]

Scary if this guy co-owns a construction company. Can you imagine the decisions he might make? "Hey, Fred, that masonry joint doesn't look right. It could use a little duct tape!"

I know there is a B&B Constuction because my hubby has detailed some of their stuff. But this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Reminds me of A Christmas Story when Flick was triple dog dared to stick his tongue to the pole in freezing weather...and the fire dept. had to come and pull him off. :)

[tuna_battle]

"Second, does anyone else think "Private Ductape" is an excellent name for a Rock Band?"

Better names for a rock band:

Airport Gridlock
Asia Haze
Atlanta Probe
Auction House Suits
Baby Product War
Bajak Appointment
Brain Growth
Bush*
Cops Under Fire
Court Crisis
Cyber Pagans
Czech Movies
Exit Poll
Female Bishop
Flu Season
Football Melee
Gas Tax
Gay Benefits
Hacker Arrest
Highway Pileup
Hip Hop Exhibit
Homeless Smugglers
Horses Shot
Independent Council
Internet Crime
Latin Quarter
Midwest Wine
Military Gays
Millennium Sunrise
Minimum Wage
Money Chase
Mozambique
Music Band
Olympic Drugs
Prison Guards
Rejected Sitcom
Rocket Tahiti
Seattle Shooting
Selma
Sharpton Protest
Smart Pumps
Soybean Harvest
Talk Show Politics
Texas Drought
The World, Briefly
Tire Deaths
Too Many Cops
Video Caesar
Women Work

* I could be wrong, but this name might already be in use.

My personal favorite is the first one, AIRPORT GRIDLOCK! LOL

[valleygal]

AHH, the many uses of duct tape.

Actually, the 102nd use for duct tape!

[CyberAnt]

I hope the Judge can stop laughing long enough to throw this case out ...!!

[demosthenes the elder]

Kyle's mom says it best: "WhatwhatWHAT?"

[tuna_battle]

I'm using that photo as wallpaper for my desktop, if you don't mind. Hysterical! Looks even better tiled!

[CougarGA7]

Sigh. On the bright side, maybe this brain donor wont be able to breed more stupid people into this world.

[Mad Dawgg]

"Better names for a rock band:"

I was in a Band once and we were considering naming ourselves "Backdoor Rodney"

Of Course we settled for the more classy: "BYMBDBH" which stands for "Belligerent Young Men with Big D!*%$ and Bigger Hair"

[Grampa Dave]

If you have liberals in your office, I understand this picture as a screen saver drives them up the wall.

Humor, the best weapon against the liberals.

[tuna_battle]

If she didn't report it, it can't be true:

[underthesun]

Actually, the 102nd use for duct tape!

I thought it was the 101st. Must of missed one. :)

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

My first thought is "This twit must be the product of the California School System."
But then I gotta ask "Who is this Phil Hendrie everybody is talking about?"

[Xenalyte]

He's a very funny radio entertainer. He does the voices of his "guests," who are just ridiculous.

Go here for more info.

[MattAMiller]

Wrong Corona, we're looking for the one in California. There is a city of Corona in the LA area, but it does not appearently have a newspaper.