Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 04/26/2002 9:52:52 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down."
His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad."
The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I've got somebody to talk to now!"
The top things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say, no matter how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...
40. "Oh I just couldn't, heck, she's only sixteen."
39. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need anoher dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. "Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight."
I am sure you can see where that is going...
Well... [ahem] You'll notice it was addressed to gentlemen... [ahem]
Okay lemme see what I got here...
He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.'
She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me in bed, we could do without the gardener too'
He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen'
On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it: 'I do not'
Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'
He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said...No, have you?
He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
He said... Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex.
She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick.
He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "
Got my Busch,Jose' and Stockholm Blend...now I just need some papers...DRAT!...where are my rolling papers??...probably with that lampshade no doubt!
FMCDH
....nobody ever bumped me about this thread, I didn't even know there was a smokers lounge.Can I Join?....Shhhhhhh can closet smokers join?
See if I ever tell you anything again.......
(still love ya though.....)
...oh, ....te he.....with a little spash of water. Thanks you!
....OhhhhhGeeezzzz....what's that all about? I can't be having to much fun here or'e the old man will hear me laugh and get Pi$$ed!!...the old geezer!
....it seems all the ice is gone, got to have some ice, do you know where I can get somor dearie?
Here, some of this will do you some good.
Would you like for me to put you on the smokers bump list?
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