[strictlyaminorleaguer]

I agree with you assuming all ways to save the marriage have been exhausted. After observing divorces in my family and friends, I think that part of the problem is that marital expectations are set way too high, and potential conflicts that are not addressed pre-marriage mushroom into serious problems later. That's why I think premarital counseling (like pre-Cana) is a good idea to make sure each partner understands what the other's beliefs and expectations are...and this is my final .02 on this subject.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

I went through pre-Cana but it didn't work. It's a good idea in theory but my ex was able to BS his way through it and I was naive enough not to see it. I've learned a lot now through the school of hard knocks. I hope they don't make me go through that again someday (if there is another someday).

[discostu]

Oh absolutely. You've got to try to save the marriage first. One of my problem with people that stay together for the kids is that they usually don't try to save the marriage, they begin approaching it as a prison sentence, just serving time til the last kid goes to college. To me you swore before God that you'd make this thing work, before walking out the door for the last time you better be ready to look Him in the eye and say "I tried, I tried hard" (full disclosure, I'm an atheist, but God is a useful concept from which to hinge morality, I've found it best to believe in Him when contemplating the hard parts of life), if you're not then get back in there.