Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[connectthedots]

I love these things; I always wonder why none of them every have reason Number Six, The Wife Is a Bitch, in their lists............ ;-)

Only a woman could get away with that comment.

[discostu]

But how much worse is she first thing in the morning? The punchline is of course that Chucky is older than people think, he and Camilla grew up and went to school together, he's known her longer than Diana (significantly younger than Chuck) was alive. What Diana never grocked was that she was a trophy wife and baby machine, she was there to get him married, bear the heir to the throne and look good at parties. A terrible waste to me, she was a bright woman with taste and style to go along with her amazing looks, but British royalty aren't known for their sensibility.

There had to be something, the question is was it some hidden quality Camilla had, or is Chucky just into self abuse with ugly women. We may never know.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Re: "...collegiate narcissism"

Believe it or not, kids, (if there are any juniors surfing here)reality is a lot more complicated than the adolescent and collegiate safari of beer parties, back-seat romps, and the subsequent pursuit of materialist paradise through nabobbing, yuppy naivete, upwardly-mobile suburban utopianism and conspicuously Bobo vulgarity. Adult life in contemporary post-Christian America is complicated and a challenge. One needs to have some mature and realistic grasp of this going into married family life.

In fairness, I think it has to be kept in perspective that people develop other interests and different aspects of their personalities as they age.

Re: Diana and Charles of Wales

A sad case. Without being too flip about this, I think that conjugal infidelity is not necessarily an automatic reason to divorce. The parents of a very good friend of mine "separated" when we were in prep school. It hit my friend pretty hard (16 at the time). The wife - rather attractive with voluptuously large & inviting breasts - had had a hysterectomy about two years before the marital split. The husband (a prominent east coast attorney) decided he wanted to be a swinger (he was 39). And SWING and SCHWING he did. With a number of gymnastically nubile female partners. For about ten years or so until he came down with cancer. The wife(and this is the amazing part) took him back and he spent the last year of his life in her care.

[discostu]

Don't rule out the possibility that Chucky just doesn't think he deserves a woman as hot as Diana. People have fear of success in their professional lives all the time, fear of success in the personal life isn't much of a stretch (remember that friend I told you about in Freepmail).

[waterstraat]

I think cheating is very, very rare, if the woman takes care of herself, continues to be feminine, shares interests, is a friend to her husband, and is caring and loving. A couple that dances and hunts together, stays together.

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

Good points. I am a 30-something, but some of my older colleagues have mentioned the full gambit from prostatic inflammation on. You are right that sound medical knowledge and advice is important for both husband and wife. Have you heard of the new experimental male aphrodisiac Melanotan? (not certain of that spelling)

[Polybius]

There had to be something, the question is was it some hidden quality Camilla had, or is Chucky just into self abuse with ugly women. We may never know.

Or maybe Camilla was always his true love. Someday, if you live long enough, your wife or husband is going to look rather old and ugly. Love, not physical beauty, is what holds long term relationships together.

Diana was chosen to be Charles' wife because she was the only virgin from an "acceptable family" the Monarchy could find to get Charles "an heir and a spare". (No Catholics need apply for the job, please.) That's not the ideal process for finding True Love. That is merely an arranged marriage.

Diana and Charles are two people that never should have married. Camilla, as I understand it, declined to marry Charles when she was young because she did not want to be Queen with all that entailed.

Charles was very loyal.......to his true love.

[discostu]

If rumours about their arguements are any indication the woman did not lack for passion. Though apparently the Camilla thing was a fairly open secret between the two, so she might not have been very willing with him.

[bribriagain]

Do you have first hand experience on this topic? And please remember our little rule, "don't get snippy". LOL

[socal_parrot]

But cheat on her with Camilla?! Final proof that inbreeding will destroy a blood line.

That and the ears.

[blackbag]

thanks for the post