Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[Double Tap]

We are kidding about sex being the only reason why men may cheat on a woman. He said it, but he was kidding. I was going to clarify it, but he made me play along to see your reactions.

WOW, Neato, lets play with some people heads on the internet!!!

Here's a clue for you, there were several people on this forum who were offering you good, heartfelt advice from their own personal experience because they thought you were being set up for a fall, I was one of them.

In the future, I will take every post you make with a grain of salt, because I will not know if you are giving a genuine response, or just trying to get people to react.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

That's okay ;) I'm still trying to erase the picture from my mind of two 80 year olds going at it.......LOL (Not you, I know you're not old:)

[Double Tap]

Don't take anything she says seriously, see post #212.

[Tennessee_Bob]

Find happiness? I am happy, and I'm sane. Much happier and much more sane than I was 3 years ago - heck, two years ago for that matter....or even 1 year ago.

Thanks

[AmishDude]

Well, there's always the idea that the woman is not actually cheating because she's not married.

[FITZ]

he is laughing to hard at your post! PEOPLE, WE ARE KIDDING!! I'm sorry, cant keep this up anymore! He is a very nice man, and he would never cheat, as I am too good a shot.

Still ---it's good he saw the advice we gave you so he will think twice before ever cheating.

[dixie sass]

Smile, LNM.

[discostu]

And even if it doesn't it will seem to. The best meal in the world starts tasting like crap if you don't get to eat anything else for a while. That's why the "sex no good" excuse is so lame, eventually the sex will be no good, it's a garauntee. That's why the promises are made, if they were easy to keep they wouldn't have to be made.

[strictlyaminorleaguer]

Yes, I saw that you were kidding. I'm not sure what to say, except that your view of marriage explains a great deal.

[FITZ]

OK, take a sample of women in their 20s and a sample of women in their 50s and photograph them and show them to a group of men. Which group do you think the men will find more attractive?

Don't you think the same probably holds true in reverse? You don't see too many of the Chippendale dancers being paunchy men in their 50's.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Speaking as a fellow woman...

Is that a genetic disorder or just a fashion one?

[discostu]

I was recently a lot closer to a very bad incident of cheating than anyone that didn't get laid ever should be (if he hadn't been laid off a month before news broke he'd be dead now, we worked on the 8th floor together, I cracked his chair, and there is a beating in his future, he already knows that), my view is skewed heavily. Pray you never get close enough to one of these situations to really understand what a non-laughing matter it is.

[koba]

True enough. I wonder if women cheat on their husbands as much as men cheat on their wives.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Whew! At first I thought you were talking about me...... I wanted to cry! lol