It's so us men can understand them.
Three blondes were walking down the beach when they found a bottle in the surf. While rubbing off the sand, a genie suddenly appeared. "For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish" he said.
The first blonde says "I want to be 50% smarter". Poof, and when the smoke cleared the genie had turned her into a red-head.
The second blonde says "Well then, I want to be 100% smarter". Poof and when the smoke cleared, the genie had turned her into a brunette.
Feeling confused the third blonde says "Well, I want to be 100% dumber". Poof, and when the smoke cleared the genie had turned her into.......a MAN!
Finally, another thirsty person says to her, 'will you hurry up!'. And the blonde says, 'Why? Can't you see I'm WINNING!'.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and asked what are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, .... "HELLO...You need to roll up the windows first!"
51 Days
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
Ice Fishing
This blonde really wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, even She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE ICE RINK MANAGER!"
Nothing, she's already been told twice.
Two blondes pilots were on final approach when the 1st officer said they were right on track for landing. All of a sudden they were in trouble, alarms and lights were going off but the Captain was able to land without further incident.
Sitting on the runway the 1st officer said, "Wow, this is the shortest runway ever." The Captain replied, "Yea and its so wide."
Why does a blonde woman like tilt steering wheels?
If no correct guesses, answer to follow soon . .
ßß
When the blondes didn't show up at the tables after a few minutes one of the gals went back to the bus. She climbed to the upper level only to find the blondes fastened to their seats with white-knuckle grips and terrified looks on their faces. "What's the matter?", she exclaimed.
The nearest blonde, with a barely contained scream, explained, "Can't you see? WE HAVE NO DRIVER!!!"
She looks into the mirror a second time. Confused she says to the second blonde, "I'm not sure, but I think this person in the compact looks very familiar".
Curious, the second blonde asked to see the compact. She looks into the compact and hands it back to the first blonde and says,
"Of course she looks familiar, it's *me* you dummy!"
This from my wife
Q. What's red and brown and lies dead in a ditch?
A. The last brunette that told a blonde joke.
Hey, I'm marrying a blonde tomorrow!
She begins to pray, "God, please help me...
I've lost my business and I'm going to lose my house as
well. Please let me win the lotto..."
Lotto night comes, and she is devastated when someone else wins it.
Brandi prays again..."God, please let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well..."
Lotto night comes, and Brandi still has absolutely no luck.
Once again, she prays. "My God, why have you forsaken me?!
I've lost my business, my house, and my car.
My children are very hungry.
I don't often ask for you to help, and I am a constant good servant for you...
PLEASE just let me win the lotto this ONE time so I can get my life back in order..."
Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open
and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself...
"Work with me here, Brandi. Buy a ticket!"
A: They forget to take the Kleenex out of the box.
Maybe I should ping DJ...
No nevermind.
5.56mm