My father in law saved a good bit in order to leave his wife a means to live, but she passed before him. He was already suffering from dementia. We took care of him for 5 years, from nearby (taking meals, checking on him daily) to finally moving him in with us.
We put him in memory care (6 months, not my choice) when his aggression was too much to handle and he was strong and fit. He became violent there and doctors drugged him to the point he fell, had to have hip surgery, and came back to stay with us for the remaining year of his life, 10 months of it on hospice.
Costwise, memory care was a big hit at around 10k a month IIRC. After we brought him home after surgery, we had to bring in some part time help because his care was very difficult and I needed breaks. That care cost $28/hour, so about $900 a week. And all of the assisted devices. Medicare covered a lot but we rented an electric lift rather than use the hydraulic Medicare provided, just because it was so much easier on all of us.
With all of that, some of his inheritance still remained.
And yet, his daughter who had not visited or called but once or twice in 6 years, complained that we spent HER inheritance. I did not respond but fact is there would have been nothing for her had we not taken on the lions share of his care.
The real difficulty in all of this is there are not so many people in the world willing to care for loved ones the way we were, or have the ability being a one income family
[The real difficulty in all of this is there are not so many people in the world willing to care for loved ones the way we were, or have the ability being a one income family.]
My mom left her house and checking account. There was some inheritance. My sister paid me half the value of the house and half the checking account...less some extra money for her "trouble".
I'll turn 70 in August if the ampullary cancer doesn't have a recurrence. I sincerely doubt that I will have any lingering existence. It's fairly brutal over a short period of a few weeks. My wife will have my social security and IRA as a resource to live. She is 67 and has already beaten the family historical record of a max age of 59 going back 4 generations. My sons will have a couple houses, remains of my IRA, lots of motorcycles, a house of "stuff". We have 5 dogs and a cat...hopefully we outlive all over them. My sons are far away. I hear from them occasionally. My middle son turned 43 today. The only burden I expect to leave behind is a house full of "stuff" that my sons will need to sort out.
A note in passing. I paid for a room at the home of a couple brothers in San Diego while working a contract far from home in Idaho. The older brother was on dialysis care of MediCal. He was about 66. He died while I was paying for a room (my rent money went straight to Starbucks for his amusement). Upon his death, MediCal came to clawback all the money spent for his care since age 55. It was an enormous bill. The house was an inheritance to the children of the family. The money demanded by MediCal was far more than the loose cash held by the surviving children. The solution was to sell the house. I moved home to Idaho. The house was sold for a good sum. Money was paid to MediCal and the balance was split among the surviving children. All of them became renters living on their retirement resources. The MediCal/Medicaid monster lurks waiting to pounce on the resources of the low income users who pass.
Unfortunately it always falls on one of the children to take care of the parents when they get old. The other siblings are rarely (if ever around) when they are alive.
However they do show up for the money.
Ask me how I know.
There are too many people like your sister-in-law.
I have one like that.