Posted on 03/24/2026 6:27:59 AM PDT by V_TWIN
U.S. — CNN announced a shift in its reporting of the US-Israel war with Iran on Monday, declaring the conflict resolved. In light of this major update, CNN officially called the war for Iran.
"We can now make it official: Iran has won the war," CNN anchor Sara Sidner reported. "With over 70% of battlefields reporting, we are officially calling this war for Iran. Iran has now defeated the U.S. in what is sure to be a major upset for geopolitics going forward."
According to sources, Iran had been decimated by joint American and Israeli attacks, which had taken out much of their capacity for ballistic missile strikes, air defense, and naval assets. Experts surmised that it was unlikely that Iran could launch a major offensive any time soon and that their economy had been shattered by ongoing sanctions and the destruction of much of its gas and oil infrastructure. However, CNN's analysts remained confident that the war would ultimately be won by Iran.
"The American dream is dead, and it's all thanks to Trump," said CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. "There was simply no chance of us ever standing up to the glorious might of the Iranian regime."
President Donald Trump called CNN's reporting on the war "fake news," arguing that they are even worse than Tucker Carlson.
At publishing time, CNN was forced to retract its statement after another Iranian supreme leader was eliminated.
No lies have been detected in the article.
The left will buy that story and be will talking about it for weeks unil they get wised up.
The fix is in again? Damn it.
Almost got me. I noticed Babylon Bee before getting into the details.
Probably silly, but of course we have no definitions.
Iran’s strength is not military. It is oil and gas underground, and so deep underground it cannot be touched.
So “decimating” forces above ground is having no effect on Iran strength.
Blurb — Iran oil reserves are 2nd largest in the Middle East. They are the 2nd largest nat gas reserves in the entire world, behind Russia, and far beyond that of the US.
“CNN officially called the war for Iran. ‘We can now make it official: Iran has won the war...’”
The physical capacity to fight back may be almost, if not totally, gone, but the regime to restart it after they strengthen back up is still in power. If the regime is not replaced by a form of government not attached to terrorist groups, it’s just kicking the can down the road.
wy69
Again!
You do realize this is satire right?
I am waiting for the Babylon Bee piece that describes the war between certain CNN staff and new owner David Ellison.
Are you sure about that?
Kicking the can down the road is stupid.
Babylonbee is just a joke. Wake up you people who don’t check who is sponsoring information/propaganda/humor.
“You do realize this is satire right?”
I do realize it is satire on the part of the thread writers. But the message of the satire is going to mislead people as CNN saying it or not, even if it is written in jest, there are some things that shouldn’t be broached even in jest as in this case where the message is going to effect people’s minds concerning politics. I put it in the same category as the attacks on Trump intended to slur him rather than prove him wrong. Jests like this effect people minds especially when the people are subjected to massive amounts of like misleading material intended to be used to effect elections by approval status of the POTUS. We might think it’s funny. On the fence voters will think about it differently.
wy69
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