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Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body
babylonbee.com ^ | Feb 28, 2026

Posted on 02/28/2026 1:12:30 PM PST by V_TWIN

TEHRAN — Iranian officials have promised that Ayatollah Khamenei will give a speech just as soon as they have located the rest of his body.

The Iranian government has said it will prove that the strikes on Iran have been a complete failure by showing Khamenei alive and well. How6ever, the speech will have to wait until they can find his legs.

"The world shall see how the cowardly attacks of America could never touch Allah's chosen one," said an Iranian official. "The Ayatollah himself will speak to his people, as soon as he has, ah, gathered himself. We are waiting only for the moment when the pieces have fallen into place, so to speak."

At publishing time, suspicions had been raised after the speech was given by Khamenei's head on a broomstick with an aide moving his jaw up and down.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire; weekendatkhameneis
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To: V_TWIN

Bystanders report that the ayatollah was “Rippen Mad!”
“He is trying to get himself together in order to make a speech.”
“He did not believe that he would depart in the manner he was!”


21 posted on 02/28/2026 2:22:52 PM PST by BatGuano (Donald J. Trump, thank you!.)
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To: BatGuano
"Where is he?"

"Around"

22 posted on 02/28/2026 2:23:40 PM PST by Sirius Lee ("Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.)
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To: V_TWIN

Great and Little Satan killed the Grand Poobah’s son too, who served as sort of a Vice Mullah. So,in their line of mullah succession, the job goes to Democrat Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffrie


23 posted on 02/28/2026 2:44:07 PM PST by chuckee
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To: V_TWIN

Great and Little Satan killed the Grand Poobah’s son too, who served as sort of a Vice Mullah. So,in their line of mullah succession, the job goes to Democrat Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffrie


24 posted on 02/28/2026 2:44:15 PM PST by chuckee
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To: Skwor

That’s him all over!

P.S.- His friends told him he really needs to take a break, he’s spreading himself too thin these days...

CC


25 posted on 02/28/2026 3:09:50 PM PST by Celtic Conservative (Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!)
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To: V_TWIN

“I ain’t go no body, and no body cares for me......”


26 posted on 02/28/2026 3:10:51 PM PST by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: faithhopecharity

Today Iran is liberated. Tomorrow, California!


27 posted on 02/28/2026 5:40:44 PM PST by Theophilus (covfefe)
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To: Theophilus

hopefully


28 posted on 02/28/2026 5:44:29 PM PST by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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To: V_TWIN

The Bee does it again....Thanks Bee!!


29 posted on 02/28/2026 7:24:49 PM PST by DeplorableTrumpSupporter (FKA ConservaTeen)
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