For such a serious subject, The Bee nails it.
No conspiracy here!
Posted on 12/19/2025 7:02:43 AM PST by texas booster
PROVIDENCE, RI — Leadership at Brown University, frustrated with the lack of progress in tracking the shooter who killed two students and injured many more on December 13, has reportedly recruited Police Chief Clancy Wiggum of Springfield to assist in the case.
"Two deaths and nine injuries — sounds like the work of rowdy teens!" Wiggum said in a press conference as he laid out his progress on the case. "I talked with the FBI profiler, and she said it was some lone nut, but that's nuts."
Chief Wiggum has been busy since arriving in Rhode Island just days ago. He's revisited the crime scene and traced the FBI's steps to check for anything they may have missed. He even re-examined the seemingly random patch of snow federal agents were famously photographed inspecting. "Snow is a blank canvas for crime, but like all modern art, it has to be interpreted," Wiggum said. "Unfortunately, the FBI has some terrible art critics. They wouldn't know a Picasso from a footprint."
To ensure no stone was left unturned, Wiggum ordered all snow in the vicinity of the university bagged for evidence. Sergeant Lou and Officer Eddie were brought in from Springfield to assist in sifting through it to rule out the involvement of any magical snowmen.
At publishing time, sources confirmed Chief Wiggum successfully tracked down an individual linked to the shooting. "Bake him away, toys!" he ordered his officers.
For such a serious subject, The Bee nails it.
No conspiracy here!
That Press Conference was for the ages.
How not to conduct yourself for the cameras.
Don’t laugh.
I remember when the DC snipers were on the loose (my sister frequented the gas station where one of the shootings occurred).
The police chief and media told us to be on the lookout for a “White Van driven by White People.”
“Police had received reports about the suspicious blue Caprice early in the investigation, including sightings near crime scenes, but these tips were overlooked amid the intense focus on the white van.
Former Montgomery County Police Chief Charles Moose later admitted, ‘We were looking for a white van with white people, and we ended up with a blue car with black people.’”
This caused a delay in catching the two killers... who were shooting out of a blue Caprice.
Correct.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.