Posted on 11/16/2025 5:39:42 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
WORLD — In an event the likes of which haven't been seen in decades, millions of people converted to Christianity after learning there is no Microsoft Teams in Christian Heaven.
"I've long been an ardent critic of organized religion and Christianity in particular," said prominent atheist Richard Dawkins. "But when I heard heaven is bereft of Microsoft Teams, I was baptized that very hour."
Millions joined Dawkins in converting after learning of the obscure dogma, discovered in a work of apocrypha attributed to Barnabas.
"And behold, it hath been revealed unto me that there is to be no Microsoft Teams in the Eternal Rest with the Lord," Barnabas wrote. "There shall neither be meetings that could have been an email, nor people asking if you have a case of the Mondays, or any such thing, for these are an abomination to the Lord."
Members of the Christian faith expressed joy at the news and rested in their confirmation that they had made a wise choice. "I've always been a believer," one Christian said. "But I had no idea how great heaven would truly be."
At publishing time, millions more had converted to Christianity after it was revealed that The View would not aired in Heaven.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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No harp playing angels in “ the Cloud”?
There’s no Microsoft in Heaven, period.
I doubt Bill Gates will end up there, either.
We use Teams at my workplace, but to me it’s a bit redundant. We already have email, voicemail, and phones on our desks, and the facility is small enough that you can walk to someone’s office anywhere on site in about 30 seconds or less.
The “sneakernet” is still an option.
Everyone at my office uses Teams for everything. They have no idea how user unfriendly it is for those of us who are on the road. Unlike a text or gasp…a phone call.
I hate Teams.
MSTeams leaves much to be desired.
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