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Posted on 08/08/2025 3:24:01 PM PDT by Jonty30
Several weeks ago, I had a serious health scare. The emergency appointment and ultrasound were attended alone. I did a ring-around of my friends and sisters, but they were away or otherwise occupied. All I wanted was someone to hold my hand and give me a bit of moral support, but on a sweltering hot day, I sat alone in the hospital waiting room – a solitary figure among a sea of cosy couples, with only my Kindle for company as I bounced off the walls with anxiety. While the scare turned out to be just that, the stark realisation that my friends weren’t really there for me when it counted, and that I was utterly alone, was an unpleasant wake-up call. As a childless, unmarried woman of 63, it is difficult to admit how terrified I am of ending up alone and being eaten by cats. Read Next: I tried eight types of coffee bean – a supermarket brand was the clear winner Without the silent contract between parent and child, Someone we look after and who can take care of us, the loneliness wears more and more heavily on me. I find it devastating to imagine ending my days isolated or worse, going gaga and incontinent in a care home. Like many women, I had always expected to get married, have children and maybe even a house in the countryside. It never happened, but not by design – I left it too late. Looking back, in my twenties and thirties, I was about as ready for the chains of matrimony as I was for joining the Women’s Institute. I didn’t want my life mapped out for me.
(Excerpt) Read more at msn.com ...
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Click here: to donate by Credit Card Or here: to donate by PayPal Or by mail to: Free Republic, LLC - PO Box 9771 - Fresno, CA 93794 Thank you very much and God bless you. |
This woman is not unique. It’s something people who talk about the cost of aging often overlook. The number of things my siblings and I did for my mom that I have to pay to have done is substantial. I have no children because my first wife didn’t want any. She died of cancer at 45, at 74 I’m dealing with her decision. I do have a loving wife, so I’m not alone like this woman, but with her being 84, I’m the young one.
She had money.
Yep
No worries. I don’t feel sorry for her.
I never expected my kids to take care of me after my four abdominal surgeries. My oldest son lives 2 hours away. He came in to see me for all of my surgeries. My youngest lived near by and ran errands for me when I needed him to, and drove me to post surgery appointments until I was able to drive myself, but I preferred being on my own. I've always been a loner, and happy with my solitude.
I've never been a needy person, and have been independent for the past 46 years. I had one close friend for 50 years. She just passed in June. She is missed by her family and her friends of which she had many.
Amen
church family
I’m on the same page as you, FRiend. Same page, same line.
She doesn’t seem to know it but she has gotten what she asked for.
Miscarriages? Or abortions? She never married. I bet they weren’t miscarriages.
She just regrets her decisions years later.
It's unfortunate that there are also people who think they are not complete without someone in their life or dozens of "friends." I got divorced when I was 31, and there was a time when I was approaching 50 that I told myself if I didn't have someone by the time I was 50, I didn't want to live. When I reached 50, I said to myself "What the f*ck was I thinking?? I learned a long time ago that I would rather live alone and be happy, than live with someone and be totally miserable.
That’s sad...but not surprising.
To be honest. The most troubling issue I have with dying is who will care for my animals.
Sounds like Mom in the hospital in 2021 when she was 95 and the doctor told her she had Covid. She called him a liar. He insisted. She said “Prove it!” (She didn’t have Covid.)
And when testing her cognitive functions, he asked her, “Who is the President?” She asked, “Do you mean the real President, or the guy in the White House?”
“ Women are not usually the choosers…”
Yes. As a man, I don’t understand what women consider as friends. I have male and female friends, and they are very different. My male best friends are distant, but right there if something goes sideways. My female friends give me good advice. If they were in a tight spot, I would be right there, too.
Do women friends show up, as a rule?
In my experience, many times, friends come and go. Family, even if you don’t always get along, are forever.
Having said that, I have 3 friends from grade school that I am still very close to. And we each have amazing husbands who also get along along with each other. None of us live where we were in school together. 4 different states. Minnesota, Indiana, New York, and Connecticut.
These are the only friends I’ve known who have stuck with me through thick and thin.
It’s been almost two years since we’ve been together in person, all four of us, but we text and FaceTime with some frequency.
You have friends on FR.
I'm the only one left in my family. I was the baby. I just turned 78. I have my brother's widow, her three children, which includes twin boys they adopted as babies. Their daughter has been married for 20 years, has a wonderful husband and four children...two boys and twin girls. Both boys are in college. The girls are 16. I am visiting them at their camp in Cape Vincent, NY next week. It's my job to make the desserts.
I have my own two sons, ages 58 and 54. My youngest son is separated from his wife, but they remain close friends although they live states apart. They had no children thankfully.
My oldest son had a lot of live-in girlfriends over the years, but he told them all that he never wanted to get married, or have children. The first time he told me that, he was in high school. As his mother, I told him that he'd be going through a lot of women then, because that's what a woman wants. I let him know that it didn't matter how many times you told a girl you didn't want to get married and have a family, she would think she was the one who could get you to change your mind. None ever did. He's been alone for at least 12 years now, and is happy on his own. He's turned into his mother when it comes to enjoying his solitude. He also travels overseas at least twice a year...getting it in while he can still do it.
I also told both my sons when they were younger, that they didn't have to be married or have children to be happy, but if they did decide to get married and have children, that they needed to know children are a lifetime commitment, and that I was sure they didn't want any child they brought into the world, to be raised without a father like they were.
My experience is not really. Women can be great friends but with limits. Mostly women are competing with one another and nothing changed with feminism: Women still want a man and feel (and society as well as witnessed on this forum) that a woman without a man has less value.
She’s one of those that likes younger guys. She’s never had sons, so settles for second best.
My aunt had five healthy successful children, but they pretty much ignored her. She was close with Mom. The last 10 years of her life, my sister (Baldwin77 FReeper) and I drove her and Mom between FL and NY, flew them for vacations, paid for their hotels and food, etc.
Before she died she told Mom that we treated her better than her own kids did. Which was true. It must’ve choked her to say that, because they had a subtle sisterly competition through their lives.
“Mostly women are competing with one another”
I hear that a lot, but can’t relate to it — have never felt that. My girlfriends and I truly want the best for each other.
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