Florida Man Pleads Guilty To Stealing Pool Floats For Sexual Gratification

Outkick ^ | June 04, 2025 | Staff

[posterchild]

75??? Is monogamy beyond him?

[Spacetrucker]

I think the “Florida Man” that got busted for popping on passing cars from an overhead sign/lights is the real winner 🤮

[Spacetrucker]

pooping not popping

[Red Badger]

but they mean so much to him, he just couldn’t let go of all those memories!.....................

[Bigg Red]

His arrest was in 2019, and he is just now going to trial in 2025? What?!

[SunkenCiv]

The Buoy Bandit!

[Verginius Rufus]

It didn’t occur to him that he could just go buy the floats instead of stealing them?

[Red Badger]

I’ve heard of people with ‘rubber fetishes’ but this is ridiculous!..................

[Red Badger]

He doesn’t want to pay for sex................

[pepsi_junkie]

It’s like living with one flew over the cuckoos nest patients out on the street.

Not like that, it IS that. But remember that in that book/movie, the scary villains are the medical staff and society as a whole, not the noble and harmless patients. That sentiment was how we got here, they decided to liberate them all free them from the confines of that sterile hospital and let them follow their dreams of living in their own filth on the streets or like animals somewhere else. When they aren't doing worse things to others.

[NorthMountain]

He reportedly told the police he "sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women."

First, I'm glad he's not out there raping women ... or any other living beings.

But dude ... seriously ... Wal*Mart sells pool floats. No need to steal them.

[SunkenCiv]

What he needs to develop is a soap fetish...

[Afterguard]

I think what pool float refers to are the kind that are strung together on a rope (or in this case his ‘person’) and stretched across a pool to separate the deep end from the rest of the pool. Just my $.02.

This is one sick puppy.

[ryderann]

“It didn’t occur to him that he could just go buy the floats instead of stealing them?”

The stealing part is the foreplay.

[jonrick46]

Uh--hah!

[napscoordinator]

I can’t believe he owned that excuse. Almost anything else would have been a better excuse. Facing Jail over 75 dollars of pool noodles. Good grief.

[READINABLUESTATE]

https://images.app.goo.gl/uhwLC

[ladyjane]

For the life of me I can’t figure out how a guy could use pool floats for that. I probably shouldn’t ask Grok - although it might be interesting to see how Grok handles it.

[telescope115]

Looking at him, I can understand why he needed the pool floats…😖

[Clay Moore]

LOL. I remember seeing a blow up doll on an upstairs balcony that got “rescued” during an apartment fire.