Posted on 05/08/2025 1:28:03 PM PDT by V_TWIN
VATICAN — In an aerial display that delighted millions, the Vatican conclave released a bald eagle firing an AR-15 into the air to signal that an American pope had been selected.
Sources say the crowd roared as the majestic eagle soared across the sky and the sweet sounds of 5.56 ammunition cracked in the air.
"Yee-haw! We got ourselves a new Pope!" said thousands of Americans, who were also shooting their AR-15s into the air. "USA! USA! USA!"
Cardinal Pietro Parolin, who presided over the conclave, said the epic display was mandated by Pope John Paul II in 2002 to prepare for the future possibility of an American pope. "We have been told that Americans enjoy these sorts of things," he said.
Sources within the Vatican confirmed that the ceremony will conclude with a red, white, and blue fireworks display and a meal of Chicago deep-dish pizza and Miller Lite.
At publishing time, the newly elected Pope Leo XIV wowed fans by doing burnouts in his Trans-Am popemobile.
But be careful! The Catholic Church also declared the Crossbow, the “AW bow” of the past, to be
“Hateful to God” if used against Christians but not against moslems.
Sadly Richard the Lionheart was felled by one. Now his nation is being over run by moslem hordes without firing a shot in defense.
Nice! 👍
Babylon Bee.
Fond memories of Cominsky Park?
very good, lol
The Eagle
by Alfred Lord E. Newman
He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he farts.
The Mexicans say, that Trump demanded either the Vatican shoose an American Pope or that he would raise their tariffs.
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