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Roman Soldier Assigned To Guard Tomb Of Some Jewish Carpenter Looking Forward To Uneventful Weekend
babylonbee.com ^

Posted on 04/19/2025 4:23:56 AM PDT by V_TWIN

JERUSALEM - Local Roman soldier Plinius was given his guard assignment for the weekend and was delighted to see he'd been entrusted with guarding the tomb of "some Jewish carpenter guy," as he'd be able to get some shut-eye and have a nice, relaxing weekend.

Plinius pumped his fist and gave a little "Yeeeah boy" under his breath after his commanding officer told him he would be guarding the tomb of "this Jewish dude" who had apparently been causing some trouble.

"I'm glad they didn't put me where the action is - I really needed some downtime," Plinius said to his fellow soldier, Martinus, who was absentmindedly throwing rocks at a stump some thirty feet away. "I know we joined up for the action, but once you get into the military, you start to appreciate the more chill assignments."

"I mean, guarding a tomb - how hard can it be?" he added. "Dead guys don't typically get up and walk away, you know what I mean? HA!"

"Hey, I bet you I can hit that boulder over there before you can, Marty." The two spent a few hours trying to hit things with rocks before lining up some pottery and taking turns trying to nail them with their spears. "Boy, I tell ya. This is the life. And to think some suckers got assigned to patrol on the other side of the city today! The Jews are all riled up about something or another. I'm glad I'm out here with you, bud."

At publishing time, Plinius had woken up to a brilliant bright light. "Morning already?"


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; easter; guard; resurrection; romansoldiers
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1 posted on 04/19/2025 4:23:56 AM PDT by V_TWIN
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To: V_TWIN

Clever, but a little ... eeeewwww-blasphemous.

Of course, so many translations of the Bible being what they are, this actually could be a thing.


2 posted on 04/19/2025 4:27:00 AM PDT by MayflowerMadam (It's hard not to celebrate the fall of bad people. - Bongino)
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To: V_TWIN
Some Jewish Carpenter

Yikes. It get it's "the Bee", but, it's disrespectful.

3 posted on 04/19/2025 4:54:27 AM PDT by rockabyebaby (THE BEST IS YET TO COME - (PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP))
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To: rockabyebaby

It’s from the POV of the Roman soldier.


4 posted on 04/19/2025 4:58:09 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: MayflowerMadam

Doesn’t strike me as blasphemous. More like a potential conversion story.


5 posted on 04/19/2025 5:01:56 AM PDT by NCLaw441
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To: V_TWIN

Please chill, it is a fake story. It is NOT “blasphemous.”


6 posted on 04/19/2025 5:02:27 AM PDT by madison10 (God chose President Trump. Satan chose judges and Democrats.)
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To: V_TWIN

For a much more dignified and respectful take on the Roman perspective, I highly recommend the 2016 film, “Risen,” with Joseph Fiennes. Excellent historical fiction, I would place in par with the 1942 novel, “The Robe.”


7 posted on 04/19/2025 5:03:18 AM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: V_TWIN

Our Roman soldier Plinius was apparently determined to raise “know not what they do” to new heights of utter pagan ignorance.

UBU, P.


8 posted on 04/19/2025 5:23:33 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: V_TWIN

If I ever find a lamp, one of the wishes would to be there that morning!


9 posted on 04/19/2025 5:33:19 AM PDT by FatherofFive (we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor)
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To: V_TWIN

Once again, the Jewish staff at the Bee craps on Jesus. And we’re supposed to defend them?


10 posted on 04/19/2025 5:38:33 AM PDT by Wilderness Conservative (Nature is the ultimate conservative)
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To: Wilderness Conservative

lighten up francis


11 posted on 04/19/2025 5:42:11 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Wilderness Conservative

“Morning already…”

I thought the Bee were giving Jesus His Christian due; that bright light wasn’t morning.


12 posted on 04/19/2025 5:55:42 AM PDT by TalBlack (Their god is government. Prepare for a religious war.)
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To: Wilderness Conservative
Isaiah 53:2-3 ESV [2] For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. [3] He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not

There goes that blasphemer Isaiah again! Note the use of "we" in this passage. You and I would likely also have "crapped" on Jesus had we been there
13 posted on 04/19/2025 6:03:40 AM PDT by armydoc
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To: V_TWIN

Blasphemy is a terrible sin and I condemn it in all forms but I don’t think I would consider this blasphemy but ignorance from the guards point of view that something universe shattering is about to happen.


14 posted on 04/19/2025 6:08:32 AM PDT by frogjerk
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To: madison10

Just because a story is fake doesn’t mean it cannot be blasphemous, but I don’t consider this story blasphemous anyway.


15 posted on 04/19/2025 6:09:40 AM PDT by frogjerk
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To: frogjerk

Exactamente.


16 posted on 04/19/2025 6:51:45 AM PDT by Mr. Lucky
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To: V_TWIN
Pontius Pilate: Joseph, I don’t understand. You’re one of the richest men in the region, and you’ve spent a fortune on a new tomb for you and your family and you want to give it to this man Jesus?”

Joseph: “It’s just for the weekend”.

17 posted on 04/19/2025 7:10:29 AM PDT by MosesKnows
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To: Wilderness Conservative

The Babalyon Bre is a Christian site. I’m Jewish as are ALL Messianic Jews, as we’re the disciples, as was Paul. You can’t love YESHUA, and hate the Jewish people. You don’t know him yet. I will pray that you do


18 posted on 04/19/2025 7:22:42 AM PDT by cowboyusa
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To: frogjerk

It is not blasphemous. No one said anything derogatory about Jesus or God. Jesus WAS a Jewish carpenter afterall.


19 posted on 04/19/2025 7:26:46 AM PDT by madison10 (God chose President Trump. Satan chose judges and Democrats.)
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To: cowboyusa

I guess that’s why the Bee never craps on Judaism or islam.


20 posted on 04/19/2025 7:51:35 AM PDT by Wilderness Conservative (Nature is the ultimate conservative)
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