Posted on 01/04/2025 2:09:31 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
Two years ago my 9 year old daughter caught me moving the “Elf on the Shelf” around. So I told her the truth that it has been me. But I asked her would you rather not known the truth and continue to have daddy move the elf? She was thoughtful.
Now 2 years later we spent Christmas out of the country and it was too difficult to set up presents for the favorite daughter. So I told Santa could not find us and we’d have to work it out after Christmas. Now it is after Christmas and she’s asking. I told her that Santa called daddy an asshole for not keeping him informed, and Santa told daddy to fix it.
We both know I’m lying. But would it have been fun to continue the Elf on the Shelf? Sometimes ignorance is bliss is a better option. So now at 11 she wants daddy to work with Santa to fix getting her stuff on her Christmas list, and we’re both happy with that decision.
A husband and wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who in the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "She's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage, and no more yacht club. Not only that, but no more diamonds, no more credit card, and large bank account."
"But, he said, "The decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Bobby?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says the husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies !
We both know I’m lying.
So a little blackmail goin on?
LOL!
I don’t know who misses Santa the most: kids or the parents...
LOL. Love it.
I told her the truth that it has been me.
I told mine that it was dusty where the Elf landed and I didn’t want him to get sick so I moved him. Worked for a few more years...I also told mine that the population of the Earth had doubled in the last 100 years so Santa’s was relying more and more on emails to parents to help him get ‘the lists’ done on time. That worked for a few years, too. But by jr. high, it was all over - the joy of Santa was killed by peer pressure from disbelieving little curs. Until the next generation is born into the family, and the magic of Santa becomes real again.
I have a favorite daughter too, I also have one rule for my children about Santa. Dont tell mom he doesn’t exist it will break her heart.
“Dont tell mom he doesn’t exist it will break her heart.”
That is adorable!
Tell her that as kids get older, Santa passes on the responsibility of getting presents for them to the parents to reduce his responsibilities to make Christmas manageable. Santa only does presents for the younger children.
Nine years old? By five, my children were well aware that no one is flying tiny reindeer down billions of chimneys all in one night - even with the time zones that’s impossible.
Everyone knows Santa uses drones.
Just tell her...”The Goof on the Roof” gets drunk and loses his way”
That’s a good one! “Ours” ... LOL!
LOL!
I guess I must’ve missed out on this whole Elf On A Shelf thing. No kids or grandkids.
I have seen a “Dork On A Shelf” meme during Covid with Biden sitting on a shelf where toilet paper used to be.
I never admitted to my daughter that Santa is not real....and I still put the gifts under the tree when everyone is asleep and they wake up and find tons of gifts...my daughter is 21 years old!!!
Do it for myself as much as her...
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!
It’s very easy to have a favorite daughter when she’s an only child.
That’s great.
OMG - stop that now!
Gasping for breath - laughing too hard!
I never lied to my son about Santa Claus. Neither did I ever tell him Santa Claus was a lie. I had Santa Claus decorations, he heard Santa Claus stories. But they were never presented as anything more real than Thomas the Tank Engines or dinosaurs (I included “dinosaurs” like that partly to be funny, but partly because we made up tons of stories together about the velociraptors who lived in our back yard). Eventually he asked, “Santa Claus is make-believe right?”
I asked the velociraptors what they thought, and they all agreed he was real. And then I taught him about the real St Nicholas, about the true charity of anonymity, and suggested he wouldn’t want to spoil anyone’s fun.
And then a velociraptor threw a snake at us through the moon roof of the car because it thought we had skipped breakfast and of course my son being about six at the time found gross-out humor funny so he frequently told stories about the velociraptors throwing gorey animal carcasses at us.
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