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My Husband And His Family Voted For Trump — So I'm Canceling Thanksgiving And Christmas [Sweet, sweet Schadenfreude]
HuffPost ^ | 11/12/2024 | Andrea Tate

Posted on 11/14/2024 12:00:17 PM PST by simpson96

I knew he voted red. He knew I voted blue. I had hoped the most capable and most inclusive candidate would win. He hoped his idea of a better America would win. He won, and, from where I stand, America lost.

In the aftermath of Tuesday night’s results, still under the bed covers Wednesday morning, I scrolled social media looking for hope. I unfriended a few short-sighted FB friends— no need to continue our digital relationships and witness their selfishness and hate. Then I saw my husband’s post.

“God Bless America. God bless #45, 47.”

It had a few likes, and a few commenters joined him in his celebration. He was downstairs in the kitchen making coffee, and I was upstairs avoiding him. I couldn’t talk to him — or even look at him.

I immediately texted, “I love you, but out of respect for me and all my liberal writer friends, can you please take down that post? Also, tell your family I love them, but I will not be coming for Thanksgiving, and I won’t be hosting Christmas. I need space.”

Shortly after I sent the text, he brought me a cup of coffee in bed.

“I am sorry,” he said, “I understand.”

Did he? Did he really understand what he and so many others in this country had done? I could not forgive him. Not right now.

I spent most of the morning doom-scrolling next to the cold cup of coffee I ignored partially because I was distracted, primarily out of spite. I finally got up, made the bed, went outside into the beautiful sunny day, took a few deep breaths, and then went back upstairs to unmake the bed and spend the remainder of the day in it.

He went to work — I assumed energized by Trump’s victory.

The next day, I finally emerged and listened to Kamala’s concession speech. She reminded us, “Only when it’s dark enough can you see the stars.”

I wrote to my artist friends and told them to keep shining their lights. I wrote to my musician son in college and his songwriter girlfriend. I told them to keep creating. I wrote to my young nieces, who were terrified, and told them I was there for them. I wrote to my beautiful gay cousin and said I loved him and was thinking of him and his partner.

I kept writing.

I received a message from a family member who told me her Ukrainian friend was petrified. Another message came in from an actor friend who said she was afraid that the damage that will be done in the next four years could never be undone. One of my sisters wrote and said she had a panic attack and had to leave work. One of my students rescheduled our afternoon appointment saying she just couldn’t function.

Later that night, I briefly glanced at my husband and found myself not wanting to look into the eyes I love. I hated this divide. I wanted to touch his forearms and feel our connection, but I also felt an urge to punish him and deny him my touch.

“I am sorry about the holidays, but I cannot bite my tongue like I did with Hillary,” I told him. “I don’t want to disrespect your parents or your brother and his family in their home, or our home, so it’s best this way. No scenes. You can go see them. Seriously — I will not be in a room of 15 people who voted for Trump.”

He mentioned our son and his girlfriend, who are coming home for Christmas.

“Will they feel bad?” he asked.

Bad? I think they already feel bad. Really bad, I thought. Instead, I said, “We will have our own small holiday, and it will be fine.”

Will it be fine? I have wondered that since 2016, when I saw my husband’s stubbornness. How could a Latino vote for Trump? How can any of his family members vote for him? Haven’t they believed any of Trump’s comments about immigration? Aren’t they worried about the reproductive safety of the young women and girls in our family? Aren’t they worried about all of the other nightmares that could be headed our way?

I was surprised he didn’t argue about the change in holiday plans. Normally, it would be a bone of contention because of how close he is to his family. Somewhere inside, he must understand what this election outcome means to me. I know he has empathy for me, for which I am thankful. I will hold onto this like a life raft as I try to figure out how we move forward with our marriage.

I know he is a good man and he would do anything for a family member or friend, which makes what he has done even more infuriating and even more painful.

But I will not give thanks and hold hands in a circle with people who voted for a party that wants to take rights away from LGBTQ people. I will not pass the turkey to someone who supports people who have signaled they will cause harm to people with disabilities and the elderly. I will not sit by a Christmas tree celebrating the birth of Jesus and sipping eggnog when I know how many people may now find themselves in grave — even deadly — danger because they cannot get the reproductive care they need. I will not unwrap gifts given to me by people who voted for a party that has talked about building internment camps and mass deportation.

I will keep encouraging my friends and family to continue to hope and fight for this country. I don’t know how or when I can greet my husband in the morning with my usual hug when I wrap my arms around his strong shoulders, smell the intoxicating scent of his spicy cologne and smile, knowing we are one. We are now two, and it is agonizing. Still, I know he is a good man and he would do anything for a family member or friend, which makes what he has done even more infuriating and even more painful.

There is simply too much history and love between us to let this election tear us apart. But it will not be easy to repair the damage that has been done. It will take time, patience, and tough, radically truthful conversations. And I know that I am not the only person in this position. Too many of us have found ourselves here and are unsure of how to move forward.

On Nov. 7, I saw my husband’s post was still up. It had more comments from Americans I believe had made a huge mistake two days earlier. I wanted to tell them all that they were wrong and they had no idea of the harm they caused by making that choice — or if they did know, then they should be ashamed of themselves. I don’t know how they can live with themselves.

Instead, I got up and made my own coffee. I put our clothes in the dryer. I let the dog out. I went back upstairs and got dressed for the gym. I did more of the little everyday human things that we’re forced to keep doing, even though many of us just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But we can’t. We won’t.

When I came back downstairs, my husband was sitting in the living room with his coffee.

I stood briefly at our blue front door — the one I painted last year when I changed all the red in our house to blue. At the time, I thought it was just my obsessive need to redecorate. I didn’t know it would one day read as a protest — or a subliminal message to all who crossed the threshold.

He blew me a kiss goodbye from the living room as he sat drinking from his favorite mug, seemingly oblivious to how upset I was.

I stood at the door thinking about how I could express my hurt. I wanted to say something that would motivate him to erase his error, but I knew if my words were too demanding, or my voice was too filled with anger, it would get me nowhere.

This is a woman’s challenge. This was Kamala’s challenge. I also knew I couldn’t change what had happened — only what happens now. Only what I do now. What I refuse to accept and what I promise to keep fighting for. And to do it all with honesty and love and, yes, anger, too.

I turned to my husband and told him, “I saw that you didn’t take your post down, and that breaks my heart.”

Then I walked out the door — devastated but determined — into the blue of a new day.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: andreatate; schadenfreude; tds; tdsinsanity
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To: ChessExpert

Not Ivanka ... Ever ...


41 posted on 11/14/2024 12:17:57 PM PST by bankwalker (Repeal the 19th ...)
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To: simpson96

Placing politics ahead of your marriage or your relationship with family is a formula for deep and abiding unhappiness in life.


42 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:13 PM PST by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: simpson96

43 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:22 PM PST by newfreep ("There is no race problem...just a problem race")
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To: simpson96

100% self-absorbed is no way to go through life.
Your candidate lost. Grow up. Trump is not the bogeyman. The country will survive. Sheesh!

But seriously, this has to be a satire piece.


44 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:23 PM PST by Deo volente ("When we see the image of a baby in the womb, we glimpse the majesty of God's creation." Pres. Trump)
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To: simpson96

Thanks...but blecch! Too much mush to wade through.


45 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:25 PM PST by citizen (Political incrementalism is like compound interest for liberals - every little bit adds up.)
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To: simpson96

This has to be one of those fake Penthouss letters.

Is she going to file for divoce?

Why did she marry the guy if he is different?

She isn’t an inclusive person.


46 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:26 PM PST by moviefan8
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To: simpson96

The lady sounds pathetic. All angst and no love.


47 posted on 11/14/2024 12:18:53 PM PST by crazyhorse691 (Who knew that an elected official is a demi-god waiting to happen?)
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To: simpson96

I married two Democrats (at different times). Both times, each one voted Republican with me in the next presidential election (Reagan 1980 and Bush 1988) with no prompting from me.


48 posted on 11/14/2024 12:19:01 PM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: simpson96

Such diversity!

Such open mindedness!

Such understanding!

Such inclusivity!

Such bullshit!...................


49 posted on 11/14/2024 12:19:02 PM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegals are put up in 5 Star hotels....................)
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To: Raycpa

If this chick is for real…….I pity the man married to her.

I don’t count my blessings enough for having had a husband who appreciates integrity, sanctity of life, conservative values……and was always there to wave the flag or hold a sign.

She doesn’t value the treasure she has.


50 posted on 11/14/2024 12:19:10 PM PST by Guenevere (“If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do)
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To: simpson96

Divorce her.

Now.

L


51 posted on 11/14/2024 12:19:31 PM PST by Lurker ( Peaceful coexistence with the Left is not possible. Stop pretending that it is.)
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To: princeofdarkness

Plus isn’t HuffPo even less relevant today than twenty years ago ? It’s not like Andrea Tate is a household word.


52 posted on 11/14/2024 12:20:07 PM PST by princeofdarkness
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To: simpson96

Where to begin? I don’t have the time or the inclination to refute each one of the lies she’s so firmly believes. So I suggest that she just divorce the ba$tard! And he certainly deserves better!

< /sarc >


53 posted on 11/14/2024 12:20:59 PM PST by JimRed (TERM LIMITS, NOW! Finish the damned WALL! TRUTH is the new HATE SPEECH! )
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To: simpson96

And furthermore: she cited all her artist and LGBT friends, certain that Trump is going to gleefully harm them. And may I say again, as a conservative woman, that I worked in the arts for 40 years with all manner of artists and LGBT friends and acquaintances, hanging out, working and dining together, meeting their SO’s, hearing their stories and observing how things turned out for them; and not one bit of it convinced me that they were well-adjusted, normal folks whose fight to institutionalize, flaunt and weaponize their fetishes would be a good thing for society at large.


54 posted on 11/14/2024 12:21:04 PM PST by Albion Wilde (“Did you ever meet a woke person that’s happy? There’s no such thing.” —Donald J. Trump)
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To: simpson96

The term “gaslighting” comes from a story that was first the play Angel Street, then adapted into the 1944 movie Gaslight, set in old England where gaslight lamps lit the homes. In it, a diabolical husband tries to make his adoring wife (played by Ingrid Bergman) believe that she is going crazy by manipulating her reality. He tells her she is forgetful and then steals things and moves objects until she believes she is. He humiliates her in front of others until she breaks down and acts like the fragile woman he tells her she is. And he tells her that her fraying sanity is making her perceive the lights as flickering when, in fact, he is manipulating the gaslight in the house, the act that ultimately leads to his capture.


55 posted on 11/14/2024 12:21:05 PM PST by jdt1138 (Where ever you go, there you are.)
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To: simpson96
She is a "stupid bitch." Worried about all the wrong things, and not nearly worried enough about the real possibility that more Democrat control will see a world war and a wreckage of America economically.

Her childish concern for feelings and made up fears should not be taken seriously, and it is people like her who are the reason that women never had the right to vote in the first place!

56 posted on 11/14/2024 12:21:20 PM PST by DiogenesLamp ("of parents owing allegiance to no other sovereignty.")
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To: simpson96

You don’t ‘love’ people and then cut off visits with them over an election.

I have trouble believing stories like this...I think someone need attention, and needed to file an article.


57 posted on 11/14/2024 12:21:32 PM PST by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: Tell It Right
The Democrats are not a political party. They are a cult. Plain and simple.

They are brainwashed by the media-liars and the college professors.

And if we don't fix that problem, we are going to keep making more of them.

58 posted on 11/14/2024 12:22:21 PM PST by DiogenesLamp ("of parents owing allegiance to no other sovereignty.")
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To: simpson96
libtard urinalist tolerance

out of spite - check.

/\

of respect for me and all my liberal writer friends, can you please take down that post?

so,, respect = censorship

check

heres a thought lady , what about respect for your hubby and his conservatives ?

will you remove your posts?, no ?

one way road , amoral - check

yup , genuine libtard hypocrite

lynchmobocrat

.

59 posted on 11/14/2024 12:22:27 PM PST by cuz1961 (Isaiah 53:3)
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To: simpson96

How abt everyone else goes to grandma’s and YOU sray home and realize NOBODY CARES HOW YOU FEEL.


60 posted on 11/14/2024 12:22:54 PM PST by Singermom
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