ROFL!!!!!
Thanks, we need MORE of these thoughout the day...like 8 or 9 :)
Ba Dum Tish!
Literally LOL.
LOL. Good one.
Was the 90 year old man named Emhoff or Schwarzenegger?
And all three are voting for Trump...
He’s a real live wire!
The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?"
The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"
Hope springs eternal!.....................
LOL
A Jewish grandma was walking along the beach with her toddler grandson, when a huge wave crashed up and swept the child out into the ocean. The frantic grandma prayed and prayed and cried out to God. Then, suddenly, another wave came in and deposited the wee boy onto the beach, unharmed.
The grandma looks to the heavens, and says, “Thank you so much, God, but, he WAS wearing a hat.”
A 90 year old man tells his Rabbi that he is going to marry a teenage woman.
Rabbi says, “Aren’t you worried about dying during sex?”
90 year old man shrugs and replies, “If she dies, she dies”..........
Jacob was in his 80’s when he married Rachel and Leah.
He still fathered the 12 tribes.
Or the 90 year old in the same situation, about to marry a teenage woman. His doctor told him he really needed to be careful during sex because heart failure as an option.
“Well Doc, if she dies, she dies...”
Good luck to
Him.
The rabbi is dumfounded, but he keeps it to himself.
The minister looks around and realizes that he left the bait back on the beach. He tells everyone how embarrassed he is and without another word, jumps out of the boat and runs to the beach and back once again on the surface of the ocean without even getting more that his tennis shoes wet!
At this, the rabbi is even more astounded! What is it with these Christians? Can they really walk on water?
He decides he's going to give it a try, and after announcing that he's going to the beach to get some coffee, he steps off the boat and instantly sinks and is pulled, spluttering, back into the boat. He tries again, this time on the other side of the boat and once again, he sinks and is hauled back into the boat.
The priest leans over to the minister and whispers, "should we tell him where the rocks are?"
Monica Lewinski is walking on the beach and sees a golden lamp partially buried in the sand. She picks the lamp up and rubs it. A genie pops out and says, “Hello Monica, you have been a bad girl, so you only get one wish!”.
Monica ponders this for a moment, she thinks to herself that she has gained a few pounds, so she says to the genie “I wish to get rid of these love handles!”
The genie says, “Your wish is granted Monica!”
And poof! Her ears disappear!
Or......
Monica Lewinsky takes her blue dress to the cleaners. She hands the dress to the old man behind the counter not knowing he is hard of hearing.
Monica says, “please see if you can remove the stain on the front of the dress”.
The old man cups his hand and says, “Eh? Come again?”
Monica replies, “No, just mustard this time”.
I'm pretty sure that one didn't show up in the "Old Jews Telling Jokes" audiobook.