Posted on 10/27/2024 2:12:23 PM PDT by Az Joe
Is this Millennial generation out of their minds or what?!
I have tried hard to do my best, I've been generous. My son married a paranoid narcissist woman who suffered from pretty bad childhood abuse. Father ran out on her, stepfathers/mother's boyfriends abused her. She left home at 16 to escape it. I have offered to pay for her to get therapy.
Please be gentle, I'm doing all I can to help my grandchildren, and I worry about their mental health
Sadly what many don’t realize is when one sibling cuts off grandparents they often cause divisions between aunts, uncles and cousins. In 30 years the cousins that were cut out suffer from difficulty fitting in with the other cousins.With FaceTime maybe baby steps are possible.
What you can’t somehow cope with you endure. You will kill your soul trying to fix this lost cause. Quitting is hard, waking away is worse but at some point that is what must be done to save yourself. Leave the door open but save yourself and walk away.
opposite here Prevented my manipulative alcoholic abusive mother from any contact with my kids. She went to her grave without seeing her grandkids. Payback is a Hillary.
That kid is full of resentment for me, and I can promise you its not how I talk to her!! She, like her mother, sits back and just waits for something to get me on!!! For what ever reason!! I was helping her out, paying her a K a week, which she really didnt deserve, for over 2 months for money to live before her last years military bennies kicked in for her final year for her masters...
she walked i that morning in a mood... first thing, i asked her to clean up an area. the look on her face said she didnt want to. but she did, and as she was walking out the back door, I stopped her carrying that bucket and said, “hey, do me a favor and walk out the front and grab that handful of scraps out on the side of the house and trhow them away with the rest. she didnt like that! I could tell! but walked out the front door as instructed... an hour or so later I went out the front to get my thermos and looked and seen she didnt pick up the scraps I asked her to... she walked right by them!! I thought WTF!!!??? but didnt say anything for the greater good!!
You have absolutely NO FKNG CLUE how I had to kiss my ex's ass... I loved my kids and did my best. but every time I scolded or corrected them, they would not have it... “How dare you!” and THAT is because of someone elses tutoring, and it sure as hell wasnt mine!!!
you would pay attention to that!!??? For what possible reason!! I thought all different ways how to interpret your words, and couldnt tink of one that was positive for my benefit!!
Thinkin about it
"manipulative alcoholic abusive mother"
Family law attorney here. Take the high road. Be polite. Forget about letting your son know “how much it hurts.” Do what you need to do for your grandchildren. Send cards and gifts. Set up a 529 for their education. Act like a grandparent. There will be a time when you can deal with the grandkids directly. The provision you make for them shouldn’t depend on their kook of a mother. Maybe your son is sticking with her to protect the kids.
Pray for wisdom and guidance. He will give the best advice.
“I remember one article on FR about a granddad complaining how he was mostly excluded from his daughter’s life and when you read it a bit more he admitted he was “disappointed” because she had gotten pregnant as a 18 year old and then rather then getting an abortion had the absolute gall to marry her boyfriend and have more babies.”
So? That doesn’t make him dangerous or a menace. Sounds like he was someone scared for his daughter and made a mistake. When the grandchild was here, realized he was wrong. Missed her badly. The daughter is only hurting herself, him and her child. She isn’t protecting anything, she is refusing mercy and forgiveness and showing how mad she is.
Her actions do not seem justified at this point if the father is seeking that relationship.
The daughter is being cold and unChristian.
More well spoken valid thoughts.
I see the daughter as someone who wants to keep her kids away from the man who wanted to murder them.
To you that may be "cold" and "unChristian". I see it as common sense.
I don't write people off as threats because they happen to have passed a certain birthday.
That was raising kids nearly 30 years ago now. No grandchildren so I can'much imagine what things are like now.
Sounds like it is time to set up a generation-skipping trust so the DIL doesn’t spend what you saved.
“I swear to God something has gone wrong with the generation below us.”
I agree. And they are surrounded with cheering sections telling them they are brave for standing up to grandparents, and that they don’t owe ANYTHING to their family, etc.
It’s everywhere.
So very true. You know what you are talking about.
We had to do just that with our oldest son. After being dis-invited from his wedding, that was the last straw.
We completed our trust and we dis-inherited our son. His choices had consequences.
Worst part was seeing the wording in the Trust. That made it real and final. Still hurts, but time will heal. Best wishes for you situation.
Sage advice
Yeah yeah... Just like Jesus said in the Bible. “when somebody sins, and in fear offers bad advice, never allow them to repent, even years or decades later”.
I can’t remember what book and verse that was.
Bottom line, the daughter was insulted and had her feelings hurt... and is just getting even.
You’re being a drama queen. There isn’t the slightest intent that he wants to kill his grandkid. She’s just getting revenge for his moment of fear for her.
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