You of course would be unequivocally wrong
I have been doing research on this very thing for decades and could have saved them the trouble. I consider myself somewhat of an expert as I’ve spent enormous amounts of time trying to communicate with my “pet rock” I got as a kid. I’ve tried coaxing it to do tricks. Nope. No movement. No response to anything. It just doesn’t do anything. So, they should’ve asked me.
You missed the satire but give me an example.