Posted on 05/20/2024 5:20:28 PM PDT by Navy Patriot
Following the death of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi in a helicopter crash over the weekend, the deceased leader questioned the furnishings of Paradise and wondered why it was so crazy hot up there.
"I was expecting more virgins…72 of them to be exact," Raisi commented. "And why is Jannah so hot? And who is that scary-looking man with the pointy ears and pitchfork laughing at me? This is supposed to be a garden of pleasure. Who should I talk to about all this?"
As a devout Muslim and committer of only pure and righteous deeds, a now deceased Raisi told reporters he was confused about why Paradise was on fire, something he'd never read about in the Quran.
"I never did a single thing wrong in my life! I mean, I did help orchestrate the slaughter of 1,200 Jews on October 7th but surely that would please Allah! Why is Paradise so hot and where is all the stuff I've been promised? At this point, I'd settle for 71 virgins…"
As of publishing time, Raisi was seen trying to talk a very annoyed Prince Of Darkness into sending him upstairs and was yelling at the demons poking him in the rear to please stop and fetch him some hot babes.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
And all of his 72 virgins are demons.
Oh, I’d say there are a bunch of women awaiting him in his afterlife, but they’re all victims of the regime. I bet they have a great welcoming committee set up.
This is hilarious! Watch the shiite Muslims put out a fatwa on these guys at Babylon Bee now, like they did for Salmen Rushdi way back in the 80s
71 of them are frigid and he has to try them all out to find #72.
Apparantly Muslim paradise isn’t full of “virgins,” but rather a new translations says they are “raisins.”
I think they read it wrong. It’s a 72 year old Virgin.
I’m pretty sure they’ve been promised 72 VIRGINIANS.
He’s probably got a line around the corner of Our Founding Fathers waiting to kick him in the urethra.
That look like Helen Thomas............
They are 72 Virgin OLIVES
“A slight miscalculation of a helicopter’s destination”
LOL.
I hope he enjoys his one, 72 year old virgin in Hell.
Satan: “Bring on the fluggegecheimen!”
From EuroTrip
It ain’t 72 virgins, it’s 72 Virginians.
My earlier post:
frank ballenger to Kevin in California
5/20/2024, 3:11:57 AM · 91 of 117
Ha.
Heard after taking a good look at the new arrivals, the 72 virgins in the afterlife all said “I have a headache.”
The myth of “72 virgins in Paradise” for a male martyr is just that, appearing nowhere in the Qur’an.
From Springer.com
Better for them would be finding fireproof material for their laabaadehs or qabaas. They will be taking a dip in the Lake of Fire.🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
“And all of his 72 virgins are demons.”
Or they all look like Eleanor Roosevelt, Ruth Bader Ginzburg, Greta Thunburg, E Jean Carrol, and Helen Thomas.🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
“And all of his 72 virgins are demons.”
And they have penises....
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