Posted on 03/25/2024 11:15:44 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
ARLINGTON, VA — In a bid to further solidify the company's push for diversity, equity, and inclusion, Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun announced he would be resigning after evidence surfaced that he is a white male.
Though airplane malfunctions and emergencies continued to make headlines, a company spokesperson stressed that its staunch commitment to DEI practices was the impetus for Calhoun's stepping down after new information revealed his white maleness.
"This was a shocking revelation," the spokesperson said. "Once it came to light that Mr. Calhoun is a white male, everyone knew he could no longer continue as CEO. Boeing takes great pride in placing adherence to DEI principles above everything else — even product quality and passenger safety — and even Dave agreed that his status as a white guy was unacceptable."
An internal investigation found photographs of Calhoun that confirmed he had been a white male his entire life. "It's true," Calhoun said. "I stand before you today to admit that I am, in fact, a white male. This renders me unfit to serve as CEO of Boeing. I accept this, and offer my sincerest apologies."
At publishing time, industry experts predicted the company would fill Calhoun's position with an individual with as much intersectionality as possible, with experience in the aerospace industry not being any factor at all. "Appointing a trans lesbian of color will be a great step forward for our company," the spokesperson said. "And we will be able to continue designing and building airplanes that have the same quality standards you see today."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Even a trans lesbian with English as a third language who had never seen a plane would be an improvement over the dolt stepping down if they JUST LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUILDING THE DAMNED THINGS instead of just the managers.
LOLOL…the same quality standards you see today! Snort!
Welcome to Boeing—all new employees.
Remember DEI is job one
https://www.boeing.com/sustainability/diversity-and-inclusion
Listening to workers is always a good idea - especially over WOKE managers.
Boeing also announced today they are hiring laquiesha Jenkins as ceo.
Laquiesha was a homeless bum living in a cardboard box under a bridge when hired. She’s a transvestite illegal alien from Guatemala who has never held a job in her life.
In short, a perfect candidate for Boeing’s next ceo.
I don’t know who is keywording Babylon Bee threads with *sacramento bee* but they need to get their *Bee’s* straight.
Boeing can shove their DEI up their butts and take it to hell with them.
You Bee Right!
My dad was in management in Pratt-Whitney and the last ten years before he retired the managers were trying to fudge results. They wanted results that they wanted, not the correct results.
In seriousness, what Boeing needs to do is something like the following:
1. For the past 20 years (or whatever) we have been hiring under-qualified people for critical roles due to pressure from the US government, large investors, airlines, and other customers.
2. The result is an airplane fleet that is the laughing stock of the world. Thus, we are now a company that operates on MERIT, and MERIT only. I’ve directed all managers to delete their dead wood, regardless of DEI.
3. If those listed above want to leave us, fine, if they want to jail us, fine. We are NOT going to knowingly continue to build dangerous products - we would rather not build anything, as we’ll soon be out of business anyway if we don’t massively change direction.
It also is a very serious media problem when the Babylon Bee has to take a serious news role in initiating a real discussion of the problem via Ridicule.
Good on you and the Bee.
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