Posted on 11/20/2023 8:39:55 AM PST by xp38
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With Christmas just around the corner, Mayor London Breed of San Francisco encouraged residents to get their shoplifting done early this year.
"Hard to believe the looting season is already upon us!" said Mayor Breed. "We are encouraging all residents to begin shoplifting for Christmas before everything, including the stores themselves, are shuttered and gone!"
Though typically last-minute shoplifters, local couple Jared and Stacey Adams said they would be committing grand larceny much earlier this year. "I waited until Christmas Eve last year and every store in the city had been cleared out and turned into safe injection sites for hobos," said Mr. Adams. "This year, I'm going out with my crowbar the moment Thanksgiving dinner is over. Gosh, it seems like the season for knocking over Apple Stores gets earlier every year, doesn't it?"
With many of San Francisco's hobos temporarily stuffed in closets due to hosting President Xi, the Mayor advised citizens to start burglarizing local businesses right away. "This is a rare opportunity for San Franciscans to perform coordinated smash-and-grabs on nice, clean streets," said Mayor Breed. "We hope everyone will take advantage of this rare chance for a less-crowded looting experience."
At publishing time, Mayor Breed was seen following her own advice as she carefully picked out $949 worth of Macy's merchandise for friends and family.
They need to send Xi on a nationwide tour to every American city.
The homeless problem will miraculously disappear—at least for the days he is visiting!
Sorry about the headline
But what are you supposed to do if you live in a looting desert?
I visited the closest Walmart today—in a very wealthy town in northern CT.
What caught my eye were the new plastic cases for almost a full aisle—it looked like perfume and related cosmetic products.
Apparently theft is a problem even in that store.
Right on target. As usual.
LOL ping.
It’s ALWAYS LOOTING SEASON IN THE INNER CITY!!
I LOVE the Bee.
Thanks for the ping!
Yup, this about sums it up for SF, early shoplifting before it’s all gone.
The BEE strikes again.
Isn’t it wonderful that the left gives them so much material.
And carjacking what you don’t use part it out to the body shop.
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